Heidi Rice - Bedded for His Pleasure - Bedded by a Bad Boy / In the Gardener's Bed / The Return of the Rebel

He could still remember the horror of that night, could still remember the fear afterwards, during two years of tests to make sure he was healthy. Looking at her, he could see the compassion, the understanding in her eyes. Maybe she wouldn’t judge him, maybe she would understand.

‘I had a pretty face. I was seventeen, cocky and stupid with it. I thought I knew the score.’

Jessie could see the shadow of bitterness in his eyes and felt her heart race in sympathy.

‘They cornered me in the shower on the first night,’ he continued, his voice low and thick with tension. ‘Two of them. I fought back at the start, but what was the point? It was two against one and I didn’t stand a chance.’

The tears slid down Jessie’s cheeks. How had he survived?

He stared down at his feet in the sand. His words came out on a low murmur. ‘They held me down, took turns.’

Leaning forward, she pressed herself against him, wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She could feel the solid beat of his heart against her ear as she rested her head against the warm skin of his back. He didn’t say anything, but slowly she felt his shoulders relax. He put his hand on top of hers.

After a long time, she let go, moved round, knelt in front of him. She gripped his face in her hands, made him look at her.

‘You survived, Monroe. That’s all that matters.’ She could see the shadow of humiliation in his eyes, fought to control her anger at what he had been forced to endure, at what he was still enduring. ‘Don’t ever feel ashamed.’

‘You don’t think I’m less of a man?’

Where the hell had that question come from? he wondered. He’d never known the doubt was inside him until he’d asked her.

She flashed a seductive smile at him through the veil of tears. ‘Monroe. I don’t think I could cope with you if you were any more of a man.’

He brought his arms round her then, held her close, sank into the comfort and support she offered. He’d told her the worst of it and she hadn’t been disgusted. She hadn’t judged him as he had so often judged himself.

‘Did it happen more than once?’ she asked quietly.

‘No, that was it. I got beat up a few more times after that, but mostly I kept to myself.’He folded his legs, settled her onto his lap, but kept his arms around her. And thought about how much he was going to miss her when he had to let her go.

As they walked back towards the garage apartment, the noon sun heating the grass beneath Jessie’s feet, she considered what Monroe had told her of his past.

He’d been through so much, as a child and as an adult. Yet the only person he really seemed to blame was himself. She could feel the rough skin of his palm as he held her hand. He’d worked so hard, in dead-end jobs, yet he had such great talent as an artist but didn’t want to promote it. Now she understood why—because he lacked the confidence.

She loved him. It wasn’t just a silly girlish dream. It couldn’t be. She understood him now. This was more than she’d ever felt for Toby.

She had planned to tell him how she felt tonight, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe she shouldn’t rush him, put pressure on him. He’d told her things she was sure he’d never told anyone else. He’d shared so much with her and that should be enough for now. She squeezed his hand as they mounted the apartment steps together.

‘You all right?’ he asked. The slight frown on his face made it clear he wasn’t sure. The thought made her heart ache for him. How could such a strong, admirable man be so unsure of himself?

‘Yes, I’m wonderful.’ She glanced away. The heaviness of the conversation was making him uneasy. She needed to change the subject. ‘It’ll be nice to see Ali and Linc and Emmy again tomorrow, but I think we’re going to miss the privacy.’

He pushed the apartment door open, held it as she went in ahead of him. ‘I guess.’

‘We may have a few awkward moments with Emmy when she comes skipping over in the morning to play mechanic with you.’

‘About that…’ He stopped dead beside her, the strain clear in his voice. ‘We probably shouldn’t say anything yet.’

‘Why not?’Jessie felt the flutter of uneasiness in her stomach.

Monroe dumped their towels on the sofa. He took his time walking into the kitchenette and getting himself a glass of water.

‘You want one?’ He held the glass up.

Jessie shook her head. ‘Why don’t you want us to say anything to Linc and Ali?’

He put the glass down with a solid plop on the breakfast bar, looked at her for the first time since they’d entered the apartment.

‘Is there something wrong, Monroe?’

When he didn’t answer straight away, she felt a lump start to form in her throat. What exactly was going on?

‘No.’ Her relief at his words was tempered by the look of regret she could see in his eyes.

Reaching across the breakfast bar, he took her hand, pulled her around beside him. Putting his palms on her cheeks, he lifted her face to his.

‘I can’t let you go, Jessie. Not yet.’

She didn’t know what to make of the statement. ‘Why would you have to?’

He gave her a light kiss. ‘Let’s just keep it private for now, okay?’ His voice was low, possessive. ‘I want it to be just the two of us. I don’t want to share you with anyone, Red. Not even Linc and Ali.’

‘But, Monroe, how can we keep it a secret? If we’re sleeping together?’

‘Come over in the evenings, after they’ve gone to bed.’

She stepped back, a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach. ‘That seems a bit sneaky.’

‘It’s not sneaky.’ He snagged her hand, before she could take another step away. ‘Listen, Jess.’ He rubbed her palm absently with his thumb. ‘Linc as good as told me to keep my hands off you.’

‘Wha-at?’ The shock came first. She pulled her hand out of his. ‘I don’t believe it. When?’

‘The morning after the barbecue. I guess he could see I was interested. He was just protecting you.’

Shock was followed by indignation. ‘But that’s…’She spluttered to a halt, words failed her. ‘But it’s none of his business.’

‘Sure it is. He’s your brother-in-law.’

‘Exactly, he’s my brother-in-law, not my keeper. How dare he? I’ve got a good mind to give him a kick up the bum when he gets back.’

Monroe grinned at her indignation, making her more angry.

‘What on earth are you smiling about? It’s not funny.’

‘Oh, yeah, it is.’ He held onto her hand as she reeled away. ‘I didn’t tell you so I could see you kick my brother’s butt.’ He paused a moment, humour sparking in his eyes. ‘Though that would be kinda fun.’

‘Why did you tell me, then?’

He pulled her close, held her still when she struggled.

‘Linc doesn’t want me to touch you and I don’t want him to know that I have.’He loosened his grip so she could see his face.

‘But that’s so Neanderthal of you both.’

His lips tilted. He didn’t look remotely offended at the suggestion. ‘I guess it’s a guy thing. It’s just…Linc and me are on shaky ground. I screwed up pretty bad with the birthday present.’

She sobered, remembering the painful incident at Emmy’s party. ‘Don’t feel bad about that, Monroe. Linc understood. I’m sure he did.’

His hands stroked up her arms. ‘He feels protective of you. I don’t want to hit him with this…situation yet. Could we let it ride for now?’

She didn’t want to let it ride. She wanted everyone to know how she felt about Monroe. That she was head over heels in love with him. But if she couldn’t even bring herself to tell Monroe yet, how could she tell anyone else?

But still Jessie hesitated.