A. Michael - Be My Baby

He looked up at her, eyes a particularly bright blue that seemed even more vibrant against his tanned skin, and smiled. Mollie almost had to catch her breath, it physically hurt to see him smile like that.

‘It’s really good to see you Molls,’ his voice was deep, a little rough like he hadn’t spoken in a while, but he sounded more well-spoken than he’d ever been. More clipped edges to his words. Why wouldn’t he stop smiling at her? Mollie thought she was going to be sick. She gripped the edge of the doorframe tighter.

‘You look exactly the same,’ he went on, standing up slowly, taking her in, ‘I saw you on the telly this morning, with your baking and that. I heard about Ruby, so I tuned in, and there you were, looking just the same...’ He trailed off, the smile freezing on his face. ‘I mean, I know things ended... well, it wasn’t great, but I was hoping, well... I just wanted to see a friendly face, I’m only back on leave for a little while, and there you were, you know? It felt, sort of... like I had to come. Maybe it was Ruby, sending a sign.’

Mollie stood there, opening her mouth every few moments, and finding nothing there. She looked at him, frustrated with herself for her silence, and then shook her head.

‘Jamie,’ she said softly, ‘Jamie. How, why? I can’t...’

Mollie felt herself crumble, as much as she wanted to remain strong, as much as that voice in her head screamed that he didn’t deserve her tears and that she was so much better than this, all she could hear was, ‘He left. He left you with a child. He promised he’d come back and he left. And now he swans in to see you because he’s lonely. The bastard! The bastard.’

‘Molls, what’s–’

The concern and surprise on his face was real, and he moved towards her, crowding her space as she struggled to breathe and the tears squeaked from her, tracking her face with marks from all that make-up she put on for the interview. She covered her eyes so that she couldn’t see the kindness in his, so much more infuriating.

‘Aren’t you going to ask about her?’ Mollie screeched suddenly, shocking herself. She watched as Jamie retreated, blinking. ‘Aren’t you even going to ask anything about her?’

He frowned, but before he could answer, the door opened once again.

‘Mum! Killian has gone to deliver some furniture, do we have... are you crying?’ Esme rushed over, her arms around her mother’s waist, ‘Are you okay? You never cry!’

Mollie wiped her face and took a deep breath, bending down so that she was face-level with her daughter, ‘That’s not true, baby, remember the beginning of Up? I cried a lot.’

‘Yeah but not...’ Esme turned to face the source of her mother’s discomfort, ‘Look, I don’t know who you are, but you’ve made my mum cry and I don’t like it, so go away!’

Jamie stepped back, but didn’t take his eyes from her, tracing the outline of her blonde hair, the curve of her lip, the vibrancy of those perfect blue eyes as she glared at him, daring him to question her.

‘How... how old are you?’ Jamie asked, his eyes not daring to move to Mollie’s.

‘Eleven,’ Esme huffed. ‘Are you listening to me? I said you need to go now, and don’t come back!’

‘Eleven?’ he whispered to himself, searching for Mollie’s eyes and holding them once she looked at him, ‘Eleven.’

‘Go! Now!’ Esme roared, and Jamie nodded numbly, moving like a marionette, falling from the studios and out into the light.

Mollie took a deep breath and shook her head. That was not the look of a man who had abandoned his girlfriend and unborn child all those years ago. That was the look of a man who never realised he had a child at all.

Chapter Three

‘So... he just stood there? Like an arsehole?’ Killian frowned as Mollie told the story.

‘What did Esme do?’ Chelsea filled up Mollie’s wine glass, then sat back down. They were sat in the conservatory, with the leftover bottles from the event that evening.

‘She told him that people don’t make her mother cry, and screamed at him to leave,’ Mollie arched an eyebrow and sucked down half the glass in two gulps, holding out for a refill.

‘So he didn’t tell her, or anything?’ Evie frowned, ‘Weird.’

Mollie hesitated, ‘I... I think he didn’t know. The way he looked at her, when he did the maths... I mean, she looks so much like him, those eyes...’

‘The cheekbones and the nose too,’ Evie added, then noticed a pained look on Mollie’s face, ‘Sorry.’

‘Hold on, how could he not know?’ Chelsea rolled her eyes, ‘I call bullshit. He was there when he got you pregnant, he was there when you told him you were pregnant, he was there when he told his parents he wasn’t going to uni, because he was going to raise this kid... did the man get hit in the head with a shovel or what?’

‘I don’t know,’ Mollie shrugged, ‘But I know what I saw. Pure shock. The way I must have looked seeing him, he looked when he saw Esme. There’s no way he knew.’

Evie ruffled her dark curls and looked at Killian, then back at her friend. ‘Molls, I don’t mean this in... I mean... do you think it’s just that you want that to be true? I mean, we all liked Jamie, he always seemed like the good guy, but... you know, here we are... he left without saying anything.’

‘He did say something, didn’t he?’ Chelsea added softly, wincing.

‘He sent me a note, it just said, “I’m sorry,” so...’ Mollie felt her cheeks burn at the humiliation, ‘Look, it’s been a long day, and I really don’t want to talk about the past any more. I just want to sleep.’

She knew as she said it that there would be no sleep for her that night, only memories that would be raked over finely, in detail, rewound and replayed to give a hint of a story, to create an alternative to the story she had so readily agreed to – that he was a bad guy who had left her. The question now, she assumed, was whether or not he would come back.

***

‘He’s staying with me,’ Mollie said staunchly, arms crossed, chin jutted, ‘We’re going to do this together.’

‘Oh baby girl,’ her mum laughed, hollow and throaty as she poured herself another gin and tonic, heavy on the gin, ‘I thought you were smarter than that. You were the one who was going to university. They don’t stay.’

‘He will, Jamie will. He’s good. He’s promised me.’

Linda laughed again, shaking her head, ‘You don’t sound old enough to raise a baby. You sound like one of those silly princesses from those kids’ stories. This is real life, angel. He’s not your Prince Charming, this isn’t your happy ever after – it’s going to be hard, you know. You don’t know how hard it is.’

‘I know it’s going to be hard, that’s why we’re doing it together. Why do you have to tear everything down and make it awful?’ Mollie pressed her lips together, willing herself not to cry in front of her mother, whose blasé attitude since she’d announced her pregnancy was making her crazy. She was sure, in that moment, she actually hated her mother; goading her, taunting her, where was the love and support other people got? Surely, even if she’d screamed at her, shown that she cared in some way, it would have been better.

‘Where is he now, Mollie, huh? Why isn’t he standing here with you?’ Linda’s dark eyes met hers and held them, a small smile in place as she knew the answer.

‘He’s gone on a final trip with his TA mates. He’s saying goodbye before everyone goes off to uni. He’s coming back, why aren’t you hearing me?’

‘Because thousands of girls have said the same thing over the years, and they’ve all been disappointed.’ Linda rolled her eyes, ‘Besides, who needs ‘em? Your dad walked as soon as the line appeared on the pregnancy test, and you turned out all right, didn’t you?’