T Williams - Dirty Minds

Tom, a widower and aspiring author (with a penchant for Hobnobs) is in need of a new start. Inspired by his therapist, the ‘ Fifty Shades Phenomenon’, and his lack of literary success, he sets out to write an erotic novel – after all, how hard can it be?

But as writing erotica proves a challenge for a man more unsure than hardcore, Tom finds himself enlisting the help of an eclectic group of co-authors. Brought together by their authorial ambitions and fondness for innuendo, their project becomes a collaboration that will change lives, open minds … and prompt the purchase of an unfortunate PVC catsuit.

Effortlessly witty and insightful, Dirty Minds is the story of seven writers, determined to make their mark on the publishing industry. Just as soon as they’ve finished their tea.

Copyright

HQ

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2013

Copyright © T. A. Williams 2013

T. A. Williams asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

E-book Edition © June 2013 ISBN: 9781472018182

Version date: 2018-07-23

T. A. WILLIAMSlives in Devon with his Italian wife. He lived and worked in Switzerland, France and Italy, before returning to run one of the best-known language schools in the UK. He has taught people from all over the world, among them Arab princes, Brazilian beauty queens and Italian billionaires. He speaks a number of languages and has travelled extensively. He has eaten snake, live fish, and alligator. A Spanish dog, a Russian bug and a Korean parasite have done their best to eat him in return. He has written historical novels, humorous books and thrillers. His hobby is long-distance cycling, but his passion is writing. You can follow him on Twitter, @TAWilliamsBooks or visit his website: www.tawilliamsbooks.com

I would like to thank Clio Cornish, for her belief in me as a writer and for her insightful suggestions. Thanks also to Alex Baker, who loves good grammar as much as Tom does.

To Mariangela and Christina

For their support

With love.

Cover

Blurb

Title Page

Copyright

Author Bio

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Endpages

About the Publisher

FEMALE WRITER

WANTED

To collaborate in writing

Erotic Novel

Experience and imagination

Essential.

Apply:

Box 1546

‘So what’s new in the world of literature, Tom?’

She said the same thing every week. It was pretty obvious that she saw creative writing as a valuable tool in his rehabilitation. He took a surreptitious glance at his watch and sighed: Ten more minutes to go. Casting around for an answer, he hit upon e-publishing. Before long, he found himself trying to explain the phenomenon to her, while she took notes.

‘You’re sitting on the 8.15 to Waterloo, surrounded by commuters. Imagine if you pulled out a well-thumbed paperback, with a huge naked bum on the cover.’

‘A huge what?’ She looked up from her note-pad.

‘Bottom, Cynthia. Or anything naughty. What I mean is that the cover of the book looks smutty. Maybe boasting a tasteful title like Gladys is Taken Roughly from Behind , or whatever.’

‘Is there a book with that title, Tom?’ She was writing again.

‘What? No … or maybe. I don’t know. The title’s not important. Just imagine the scene. You’re sitting on the train, reading porn. It’s a fairly safe bet you would get some very disapproving looks from your fellow commuters.’

‘Well, I should think so, too.’

‘That’s the point I’m trying to make. E-books give you anonymity. I’m sure that’s why Fifty Shades of Grey has sold so well. She started out with it as an e-book, and it sold like hot cakes. You download it onto your tablet, and you can read it anywhere you like. I daresay you can even read it on your phone, if your eyesight’s up to it. And nobody has a clue as to what you are reading. Now do you see?’

‘I suppose so. So what are you saying? Do you want to write a … rude book?’

‘Erotic novel, Cynthia. That’s what they’re called. And, no, I don’t. We were talking about e-books, and I was just giving you an example.’ He sighed inwardly. What had he done? He watched her scribbling furiously. Now she had a whole new line of attack. She didn’t waste much time in launching into it.

‘Do you read a lot of … this sort of book?’ She was looking at him over the rims of her glasses. She often did that. Maybe she thought he would feel less under analysis that way.

‘No, I don’t. And, Cynthia, before we get onto the subject once more, I’m not sexually repressed or frustrated.’

‘Of course you’re not, Tom. Although it would be quite understandable, quite normal, given the circumstances.’

‘Well I’m not. Really.’

‘Of course you’re not.’ As she repeated her words, he could plainly hear that she wasn’t convinced. ‘But writing is very good therapy, you know.’

‘I know, Cynthia. I spend hours every day doing it.’

‘Yes, but your books are a bit bleak, a bit morbid.’ Ever since he had been persuaded to give her his latest manuscript, she had been like a dog with a bone.

‘I’ve told you, the Middle Ages were a cruel time. Some terrible things were happening back then.’

‘Of course, Tom. That’s why I think you should go for a change of subject. Try something lighter, something frivolous.’

‘To be perfectly honest, Cynthia, I really haven’t felt light or frivolous for a hell of a long time now.’