Cynthia Thomason - A Soldier's Promise

“What’s that?”

“Never mind.”

“You are not old enough to be out on your own. And we haven’t lived here very long. It’s all new. So when you’re not in school, I have to know exactly where you are.”

“Yeah, like I’m ever anywhere but that stupid cabin.”

That stupid cabin was Mike’s attempt to start over. It was small but cozy, and he considered it perfect for the two of them. “We go places,” he said. “We’re not always in the cabin.”

“Places little kids go with their dads.”

He thought back over the past three months. He’d taken Carrie fishing and boating. They’d gone into Savannah for an overnight and seen the sights. They had a trip planned for Atlanta soon, where they’d visit the capitol building and see historic homes. Okay, maybe he hadn’t exactly asked his daughter what she’d like to do, but Mike had thought he was managing pretty well.

He drove silently until he reached the narrow path to his grandmother’s cabin. The lane was rutted and dark. He still had numerous holes to fill in with new gravel; he’d get to it soon. He’d eventually make all the improvements on his list. It was the least he could do to thank his grandmother for suggesting that he and Carrie move here, far from the painful memories.

He parked in front of their house, but didn’t get out of the truck right away.

Carrie looked over at him. “What?”

“I just bought you that new smartphone,” he said. “The one with all the gadgets you just had to have.”

She took the phone from her pocket. “And I love it, and I said thank you.”

“Yes, you did. You also promised to use it to stay in touch. You don’t have any excuse for me not knowing where you are and what you’re doing.”

“Fine. I get it. It’s either your rules for the cell phone or handcuffs. Those are my options.”

So much drama. Even after being in a war zone for years, Mike didn’t know how to handle basic family dynamics.

They got out of the truck. As Mike walked to the house, his mind buzzed with the changes he’d been facing recently. When had teenagers become complete cyber citizens? Every kid in town seemed to have a fancy phone or a tablet or some other techie instrument that kept them occupied in their homes and on the streets. Carrie had moved to Georgia with her own state-of-the-art laptop, which she kept fired up all day, every day. Getting her away from the computer was like coaxing an otter out of the river.

He’d given in to the new phone, but he’d made a mental note to keep tabs on whom she was talking to.

And teachers? What the heck? Mike didn’t remember having a teacher who looked even remotely like Miss Sullivan. He’d taken notice of her in the parking lot earlier and had liked what he saw. Not that he was looking. But a few minutes ago, despite his anxiety over Carrie, he’d gotten an even better view of the teacher. Her reddish hair, which had been bound in some type of bun thing at school, hung to her shoulder blades in a wavy ponytail, looking touchably soft in the streetlight.

He’d caught a scent of something nice and citrusy, too.

He put his key in the lock and opened the old plank door. What’s gotten into you, Mike Langston? His wife hadn’t been dead a full year yet and here he was thinking of his daughter’s teacher as if he was starved for learning. Well, it had been a long time. A full year in Afghanistan without visiting home and then the loss.

Carrie followed him in the door. She wrinkled her nose. “It stinks in here.”

He sniffed. “I don’t smell anything. What does it smell like?”

“Like mold and dust because everything in here is a thousand years old.”

“These are your great-grandmother’s things. Of course they’re old.”

“Right,” Carrie said, passing by him and heading to her room. “I’m going to check my email.”

He had to quit thinking of his own needs. No sacrifice was too great when a man found himself trying to be a full-time father for the first time in his life and apparently messing up on a daily basis.

* * *

THAT EVENING MIKE had the same dream he’d suffered from night after night just after his wife had died. He was running along a nearly abandoned tarmac, trying to reach one lone plane. The whine of the jet’s engines punished his ears. The passenger door closed. He was going to miss the flight so he ran harder, shouting for the pilot to stop. Sweat poured down his face and chest so that when he woke, panting and feeling his heart pounding against his ribs, he had to grab a towel and dry off.

He had the dream only occasionally these days, when he had a problem with Carrie or the familiar crushing guilt weighed heavily upon him. A chaplain had told him Lori’s illness was God’s will. The camp psychologist had told him it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t believed either one of them. If he’d only known about it. If he’d been there for her...maybe things would have turned out differently.

He got up, pulled a pair of sweatpants over his boxers, went into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Sometimes he smiled at his grandmother’s choice of glassware. This one was an old jelly jar featuring Yogi Bear. Mike didn’t smile tonight. He simply reached for the pill bottle, dropped one white tablet into his mouth and swallowed. First anxiety-busting drug he’d taken in four weeks. He was doing better. He’d commit himself to a hospital before he’d allow his system to become addicted to the things.

His hand over his chest, he sat at the table and took several deep breaths. “It’s okay,” he said aloud, careful to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t awaken Carrie.

The men in charge of the army’s elite rangers corps were good men. Dedicated professionals. They treated their special-force soldiers with respect. Still, what happened to Mike a year ago was unforgivable, the ultimate betrayal by both his commanding officers and his wife. The message from the general had come in the early-morning hours. Mike had still been at mess in the tent the army had erected outside of Kunduz. The instructions from the general had been simple and direct: effective immediately, you are hereby relieved of duty to attend to a personal matter.

The “personal matter” had been his wife’s terminal illness. He’d made it home two days before she passed. He was able to say goodbye, make the promises she needed to hear and forgive her for her decision not to tell him about her health problems. But he hadn’t forgiven her and maybe never would.

He still grappled every day with her reasons for not telling him she was sick. The army had known. His daughter had known. He hadn’t until it was way too late. How can a wife not tell her husband she’s dying just to avoid interrupting his life, his goals?

His breathing normal now, Mike stood, carried the glass to the sink and left the kitchen. He had to be at work in a few hours, though not to advise how to keep his division vehicles running in the fight against terrorism, but to see why someone’s 1998 Chevy or Honda or...whatever was stalling out. He could tell them why, though being a mechanic was not the job he’d always envisioned for himself. Not the position he could have achieved by taking advantage of G.I. college money. But Alvin’s Garage was just another stall in his life right now, and fixing cars was a lot easier than fixing his life.

* * *

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Diana asked when she saw Brenna thumbing through the attendance record. “Let’s go to the cafeteria and get lunch.”

“Yeah, I will,” Brenna said. “Just a minute.” She found what she was looking for and took a student punch card from the homeroom reports of absences for the day. “Great.”

“Who are you looking up?”