Melinda Curtis - Getting Married Again

Jackson glanced over at the house, longing to go inside. If Lexie acknowledged him when Heidi came back out, he’d talk to her—calmly, patiently and with a reassuring smile that would cover the fact that he was feeling anything but calm or patient.

He braced himself with a smile when Heidi pushed open the screen door and came back outside, but the door banged closed behind his little girl as firmly as if Lexie had shut him out herself.

“What did she say?”

“Mom said it was okay. She asked how you were doing and said to make sure I got some low-rise jeans.”

All Jackson heard was that Lex had asked about him. For a moment, hope flared.

Then a silent Heidi blinked up at him innocently.

Too innocently.

Jackson’s eyes narrowed. “She didn’t ask about me, did she?”

“Well, she wanted to,” Heidi hedged.

Tilting his head back, Jackson stared at the clouds gathering in the blue sky above him. “And the low-rise jeans?”

“That was a definite no.”

“LOOK OUT!”

The screen door banged open, jerking Lexie awake just in time to see a large, brown streak bounding toward her. Rufus leaped at Lexie’s feet, narrowly missing Marmy, who scampered away down the hallway with the brown pursuer hot on her heels.

“Rufus, no!” Jackson yelled, as he and Heidi followed the Lab into the living room. “Sorry, Lex. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Lexie took a deep breath and rubbed her tummy, which had clenched tight at the prospect of forty-five pounds of dog landing in her lap. Her heart was racing. The baby kicked her ribs once. And again. Then started a drumroll.

Jackson gave Lexie a once-over, which did nothing to slow her pulse.

“Sorry about that, Lex. He wormed his way past us.”

“I’m fine, really.” She’d feel better once he quit looking at her. Lexie rubbed the numb spot that the baby was pounding.

“Mom, look at all this stuff we bought.” Heidi sank to the floor near Lexie, sharing her treasures, the drama of their entrance already fading. “I promised Dad I wouldn’t wear any of it until school.”

Heidi shook out three blouses in rapid succession. Lexie barely had time to look at them before her daughter brought out another shopping bag.

“And new jeans.”

“Blue jeans,” Lexie said wistfully, almost able to feel the thick denim on her legs. What she wouldn’t give to be able to pull on a pair of pants that didn’t have an elastic waistband. “Did you spend all of your father’s money?”

“Almost. We spent what was in my wallet, anyway.” Jackson shouldered open the door, carrying an oblong box that looked suspiciously like stereo equipment. The box effectively distracted Lexie from gazing too long at Jackson’s muscular arms.

Rufus returned, shoving his nose repeatedly under Lexie’s arm until she petted him. He gave her a pink-tongued grin.

“Who’s that for?” Lexie asked, keeping her eyes on the box as Jackson set it on the floor. Her pulse had finally decided to return to something close to normal and the baby was peaceful once more.

Heidi folded her loot. “Dad bought a DVD player and he got five free movies, too. Isn’t it great? Now we can watch movies again.”

“All our movies are on video,” Lexie said, trying to catch Jackson’s eye. Between the electronics and the clothes, Jackson easily could have spent three hundred dollars or more.

That was just like Jackson. He never approached a problem head-on. He always worked his way in the back door. If he thought she was taking him back and returning to the same lifestyle—worrying about him nine months out of the year, sleeping solo in their king-size bed—he had another thing coming.

“Birdie rents DVDs at her grocery store,” Heidi pointed out. “Oh, and I forgot we picked up a pizza on the way back into town.” She shot out the door.

Jackson continued unpacking the box. “Heidi mentioned the VCR was broken, and you know it costs just as much to fix one as to buy one.”

“A VCR, sure. But not a DVD. Those are more expensive.”

“It’ll last a long time.” He began pulling out cords from behind the television as if he had every right to be rearranging her wires.

Heidi returned with the pizza and placed the box on the coffee table. “I’ll get you some milk, Mom, and napkins. Then can we watch a movie?”

Lexie sighed, giving in. “I suppose.” Eventually, she was going to have to learn to be in the same room as Jackson without letting herself long for his touch. For Heidi’s sake.

But eventually seemed a long time away.

“And you’ll be leaving after the movie,” Lexie added, when their daughter had disappeared into the kitchen.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Jackson said from behind the television, his denim-clad buns in clear view, just as toned and tight as ever.

“No, you can’t.” It was a mere twenty feet from the couch to their—her—bedroom. They used to joke about that. Twenty paces was not nearly enough distance between Lexie and temptation. If it weren’t for Heidi, she’d send him on his way right now.

“How’ve you been feeling?” Jackson turned his head and smiled at her.

She told herself it was the same smile he’d always had, but something about him seemed tired and drained.

“I’ve been better.” The bleeding had been scary the first few times it happened several months ago, but she’d become used to it. And the nausea had returned a few weeks ago, which was unpleasant. Yet, all of this hardship was bearable when she compared it to shutting Jackson out of her life. That’s how she measured this pregnancy—against the void in her heart. Asking her husband to leave and sticking to her decision had been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. Everything else—even this difficult pregnancy—was easy by comparison.

“Are you getting all the rest you need?” he asked.

“What did Heidi tell you?” Lexie glanced back toward the kitchen, then sighed. Jackson needed to know about the health of this child. He deserved to know about the child they’d lost, too, but she wasn’t ready to tell him that yet. “I’ve had to take it easy since my fourth month.” It seemed like forever. But then, it seemed like forever since she’d sat with Jackson and talked.

“I’m sorry about the things I said earlier.” He stood up straight and turned to face her, green eyes bright. “You caught me off guard.”

He really knew how to work her. She could feel her resolve softening “I suppose anybody would be upset to come home and find this—” she pointed at her belly “—waiting for them.”

His eyes bore into hers. “Are you sorry? About the baby, I mean.”

Lexie shook her head.

“Me, neither. It’s a gift, Lex.”

Speechless, Lexie cradled her belly with both hands.

Jackson ran his fingers through his long hair before admitting, “No matter how much I loved you, I couldn’t give you another baby. I knew that was hard on you.”

This was the real Jackson, the man he rarely showed to anyone else—sincere, open—nothing like the man he’d become when she’d asked him to leave—annoyingly upbeat.

“Is Heidi happy about the baby?”

“She’s excited.” This was the man she’d fallen in love with. The man her heart longed for. The walls around her heart weakened. “You know, she always wanted a brother or a sister. Growing up, I did, too.” Until she’d realized how messed up her life was. Welfare, social workers, humiliation, a father who hadn’t loved her enough to hang around. She’d contented herself with the stingy, conditional love her mother offered. Until she found Jackson and realized there were other kinds of love.