Amy Vastine - The Better Man

“Trevor was such a good boy when he was Simon’s age. That’s what proper parenting accomplishes. When you’re in charge—more importantly, when you’re present—boys respond. Of course, a boy needs a father. I always said that.” Paul’s voice began to crack. Whatever he was drinking was only making him weepy. “It’s so unfair. Poor Simon had the best role model a child could ask for. And now...now he has no one.”

Kendall shaded in the fire she had drawn coming from a dragon’s mouth. Talking to Paul used to make her cry. Now she only felt exhausted. She knew what her father-in-law wanted to hear.

“Trevor was an amazing father and husband,” Kendall said. It was the truth.

Mostly.

“He was, wasn’t he? He really was.” He said before blowing his nose loudly. “And a hero, too.”

Kendall crumpled up the sheet of paper into a ball and tossed it into the garbage. “Maybe Simon and I can drive out to Lake Forest this weekend. Are you going to be home Sunday night?” She was going to regret this later.

Trevor’s father was a partner at one of the bigger investment banking firms in the city. When she first met them, Kendall thought the Montgomerys had more money than anyone she’d ever known. Trevor’s mother had had a closet full of designer clothes and another one just for her shoes and purses. Besides the mansion in Lake Forest, they had a summer house in Michigan and a winter home in Naples. There were also several rental properties, including the house she and Simon currently lived in. There was no way Kendall could afford to live in Lincoln Park otherwise. As much as she hated needing Paul’s help, she loved being close to her family.

Kendall heard him capping the crystal decanter in the background. “I fly out west Sunday afternoon. You could come for lunch on Saturday. If the weather’s nice, Simon could ride the horse.”

“We’ll see. I’ll call you later this week, all right?”

“Sounds good. Tell Simon I called. And that I love him, okay?”

The familiar guilt poked Kendall in the gut. She should have tried to get Simon on the phone. He wouldn’t have said a word, but at least Paul could have spoken to him. “I will.”

She hung up and climbed the stairs to Simon’s bedroom like she was hiking up Mount Everest. Slow and steady, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. She hated when he wouldn’t talk in front of other people, but when he refused to speak to her, it was torture. She feared they’d soon be eaten up by the silence.

She knocked softly on his door, giving him a chance to let her in. He didn’t answer. Her hand gripped the doorknob as her forehead rested against the wood. “Simon.”

No answer.

She twisted the knob and pushed the door open. From the other side of Simon’s twin bed, she could see the top of his head, his cowlick stuck up like it wanted to make sure she didn’t miss him sitting there.

Kendall walked around the bed and joined him on the floor. He had all of his Hot Wheels lined up in front of him. Cars were his passion, something he shared with his father. He had over a hundred little cars in his collection and used to play with them every day. Anything could be turned into a roadway or racetrack. Nowadays, the cars were stored in boxes under his bed. Simon only brought them out when he was missing Trevor the most.

“Remember when Daddy came home with that bright yellow Mustang?” Kendall picked up a toy car that looked much like it. Simon had a photo of it taped to the mirror above his dresser. “I thought he was crazy. Until I saw your face. Your eyes got so big, I thought they were going to pop out like they do in the cartoons.”

She smiled at the memory. She hadn’t only thought Trevor was crazy, she had been so angry. He’d spent way too much money on a car they didn’t need, but he promised her it was no big deal and the expression on their son’s face made her want to believe him. Trevor had a way of making her forget her head. With him, her heart made all the decisions.

Simon took the car out of her hands and turned it around and around in his.

“Your dad loved you so much,” Kendall said. “He would have done anything for you. If he could come back from heaven, I don’t doubt for a second he’d do it.”

“But you can’t come back from heaven,” Simon whispered.

Kendall put an arm around him and pulled him against her. The words pushed their way through the emotion. “No, you can’t.”

Simon tossed the car aside and wrapped both arms around his mom. He buried his face into her chest. “Don’t ever go to heaven, Mommy.”

In that moment, Kendall knew exactly how it felt when Trevor set off that roadside bomb—destroyed.

* * *

SIMON REFUSED TO go to school the rest of the week and Kendall didn’t have any fight left. She had to bring him to her office twice, and her mom stayed with him the other days. She cancelled her plans to take him to Lake Forest, claiming he was under the weather. Paul wasn’t too happy about it, but Kendall wasn’t up for the million questions and couldn’t deal with the disappointment she’d certainly see on Paul’s face when Simon couldn’t talk to his grandfather.

Monday meant going to Sato’s to meet with the contractors. She couldn’t have a tagalong, and Kendall’s mom had a doctor’s appointment. Simon needed to go to school. They had talked about it several times on Sunday. He knew the expectations.

Kendall woke him up on time and left him to get dressed in the clothes they had laid out the night before. She turned on the stove and heated up the water for oatmeal while she waited for him. Sleepy-eyed, Simon shuffled into the kitchen looking none too happy about going anywhere.

“What two things are you worried about today?” she asked as she set a glass of orange juice in front of him, ignoring the frown.

He shrugged.

She waited him out, making his lunch instead of talking for him. He finished his juice and watched her cut the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Seeing Dad and it not being Dad,” he said softly.

Kendall held her breath for a second then spun around. “We aren’t going to see Dad.” She quickly corrected herself. “I mean, it’s highly unlikely we’ll see that man again. If we do, maybe we’ll walk up to him and introduce ourselves. That way, it won’t be weird anymore.”

She prayed they wouldn’t see the man now that she’d promised to speak to him. She could only imagine how embarrassing it would be to approach a stranger on the street.

Hi, my name is Kendall and this is my son, Simon. We just wanted to say hello because you look exactly like my dead husband and my son thought you were him and now hasn’t gone to school for four days. Beautiful morning we’re having, huh?

Nope, not awkward at all.

The teakettle whistled. She poured some water into the oatmeal and set the bowl in front of Simon, handing him the spoon. “What two things are you looking forward to today?”

Simon took the spoon but set it down. With his elbow on the table, he rested his head on his hand. “My tummy hurts. I want to go to work with you.”

It was disappointing but not unexpected. Stomachaches were a sure sign of the yucks. “We talked about this yesterday. Mommy has to go to the restaurant today, and you can’t come with. School is your job. You need to go to your job and Mommy needs to go to hers.”

“It hurts too bad. I can’t go,” he protested, shoving the oatmeal away.

Kendall stirred his oatmeal and pushed the bowl back in front of him. “Eat. It will make your stomach feel better. It hurts because it’s empty.” He frowned but picked up the spoon and took a bite. “What two things are you looking forward to today?” she asked as he ate.