Marin Thomas - Her Secret Cowboy

* * *

“RYAN, LET’S TAKE a walk,” Marsha said after supper. Her father had retreated to the living room to nap in his recliner and her mother was pulling weeds in the garden.

“I don’t want to take a walk. I’m reading the Land of Varagon.” Ryan had gotten hooked on a new fantasy series after one of the kids in his after-school book club recommended it. There were twelve stories in the series and Ryan was reading number six. She’d kept track of the characters and plots through the fourth book, then things had become confusing and she’d given up.

“I need to talk to you. It’s important.” She waited by the door.

Ryan set his e-reader on the kitchen table and they walked through the garage then along the path that led to the church.

“How do you feel about meeting your father this summer?” When Ryan remained silent, she said, “You’ve never asked about him.”

“I didn’t ask, because I thought you didn’t want me to know who he was.”

Shocked, she put the brakes on. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to know who your father was?”

“You never talked about him and he never came to our house.” Ryan shrugged. “I thought he was a bad person.”

Dear God what had she done? “I’m sorry, Ryan. I assumed your silence meant you weren’t interested in getting to know him.” As soon as she said the words, a sharp pain struck her in the chest—guilt. How dare she lay the blame at Ryan’s feet when her reluctance to include Will in their lives had to do with her own insecurities and nothing to do with wanting to prevent Will from hurting Ryan.

“It’s not a big deal, Mom. Lots of kids in my school have only one parent.”

“Since we’re spending the entire summer with Grandpa and Grandma I thought you should know that your father lives in Stagecoach.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“How come he never wanted to see me when we came to Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

“Your father didn’t know you existed until recently.”

Her throat tightened as she envisioned the wary look on Will’s face when they’d met today. It was clear her decision to keep Ryan a secret had wounded him deeply. Then she reminded herself that over a decade had passed since she’d revealed her pregnancy to him and his reaction then had been very different.

“Why didn’t you want him to know about me?” Ryan asked.

“I didn’t think he was ready to be a father. We’d both just graduated from high school.”

“Does he want to meet me or are you forcing him to?”

“Of course he wants to meet you. He’d like for you and I to go to a rodeo and watch him compete this Saturday.”

“I don’t like rodeos.”

“Since when?”

“Since Grandma and Grandpa took me to one when I was six.”

“I’d forgotten about that.” When Ryan had returned from the event all he’d told her was that it was too noisy and the place stunk like poop.

They arrived at the church and Ryan held the door open for her. They sat in the pew at the front of the sanctuary.

“Is he any good at rodeo?” Ryan asked.

“I don’t know. We’ll find out on Saturday.”

“Do I have to go?”

“Yes.” It would be easy to give in to him, but she held firm.

“Mom? What if I don’t like him?”

Marsha smiled—she’d always been drawn to Will’s brooding personality and good looks. He’d been the quintessential bad boy, the kid with a troubled past, and she’d been the sweet daughter of the local pastor who’d believed she could save him.

“Why are you smiling?” Ryan’s question ended her trip down memory lane.

“I bumped into your father in the school hallway once. All my books went flying.”

“Did he get mad?”

“No, he helped me pick them up.” Then the next day when they’d passed in the hall again she’d said “Hi” but Will had looked right through her.

“You’re weird, Mom.”

“I know.” She stared into Ryan’s blue eyes—the same blue as hers. His light brown hair and square jaw were all Will. A wavy lock fell across his forehead and she brushed it away even though he didn’t like her fussing over him. “Don’t mention meeting your dad to Grandpa.”

“Grandpa doesn’t know who my dad is?”

“No.” She’d taught Ryan from an early age to always tell the truth and she was ashamed that she hadn’t modeled the same behavior.

“What’s his name?”

“Will Cash.”

Ryan’s eyes grew round. “Is he Buck’s brother?”

“Will is Buck’s older brother.”

“Am I supposed to call him Dad?”

“That’s up to you.”

“Is he smart?”

Marsha winced. Ryan’s high IQ skewed the way he viewed the world and people. “I’ve told you before that not all intelligence comes from book learning.”

“Did he go to college?”

“I don’t know.” Marsha didn’t think Will had.

“What’s his job?”

“He’s a construction worker. As a matter of fact, he’s helping to build the new addition on Grandpa’s church.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “I’m going to see him every day?”

“Probably, but he’ll be busy working.”

“I don’t have to help, do I?”

“I hope you’ll pitch in if your grandfather or father asks you to.” The conversation needed to end, before it spiraled downward. “You’re okay then with going to the rodeo?”

“If I have to.”

You have to.

As they walked to the house, Marsha wondered again if she was doing the right thing in bringing father and son together. Ryan was nothing like Will might envision for a son and Will was nothing like Ryan might envision for a father.

Chapter Three

“Ladies and gents, welcome to the thirty-fifth annual Midway Rodeo and Stock Show.”

Applause filled the outdoor arena that held two thousand people. From the corner of her eye Marsha observed Ryan soaking in the atmosphere. He’d been quiet since they’d arrived at the fairgrounds. He was nervous about meeting his father, but all she could do was offer her silent support and be there for him if he needed her.

“When’s he competing?” Ryan asked.

Marsha flipped through the program she’d purchased while the announcer droned on about the history of the rodeo and famous cowboys who’d claimed national titles. “Looks like your father and uncle are up after the barrel racing event.” She pointed to the rodeo workers setting out the barrels in the arena.

“Can I see the bulls before he rides?”

Ryan wasn’t into girls yet and she teased him. “Don’t you want to watch the cowgirls ride?” He rolled his eyes and she laughed. “Let’s look for the livestock pens.” She wasn’t surprised that Ryan found rodeo boring. He wasn’t into sports and his only competition experience came from chess-club matches.

As they approached the livestock pens, Marsha plugged her nose. “Whew, it stinks.”

“The bulls don’t look mean,” Ryan said.

“Maybe not now, but once the gate opens, they turn into ruthless bucking machines.”

“Rodeo’s stupid.”

Oh, boy. Will would not welcome hearing his son’s opinion of the sport. “It’s difficult to appreciate things you don’t have any experience in.”

“Where are the steers they use for team roping?”

She nodded to a barn. “Maybe in there.”

Quite a few cowboys had gathered outside the building but Will and Porter weren’t in the group. So as not to interfere with Will’s concentration, Marsha hadn’t planned on father and son meeting until after the Cash brothers competed. “Let’s buy a bag of popcorn.”

Ten minutes later they found their seats and the announcer’s voice boomed over the sound system. “Ladies and gents, we’re ready to kick off the team-roping event.”