Joan Kilby - Beach Baby

“For me it’s like looking in a mirror and seeing myself twenty years younger.” Nina held out a slender manicured hand adorned with an opal ring set in gold. “We even have the same fingers. See how narrow they taper and how the index finger bends in slightly?”

Amy nodded, stretching a tanned arm tinkling with silver bangles next to Nina’s. Her skin was softer, smoother, but other than that they could almost have been twins. It was as though she’d found the piece of herself that had been missing all these years. Maybe. It was too soon to take anything for granted.

“I want to take you to meet your grandparents,” Nina said. “They’re dying to get to know you and Beebee.”

“I’d love that. Tell me about them,” Amy begged. “I want to know everything.”

As they walked along the dike, Nina related details of her family history, about growing up in the small house in Vancouver’s east side, about her father almost losing his hand in an industrial accident, her mother’s gentle humor and her father’s pride. Amy listened eagerly, asking questions as rapidly as Nina could answer them. Their constraint vanished as their conversation wove a pattern of half-finished sentences and intuitive leaps of understanding punctuated by frequent bursts of laughter.

The only thing they didn’t talk about was Amy’s birth. Nina seemed to shy away from the subject every time she came close. And she wouldn’t say anything more about her early relationship with Reid either. The burning issue in Amy’s mind was why Nina and Reid had given her up for adoption. The question was on the tip of her tongue more than once, but she was afraid her hurt and resentment would come out in her voice. Afraid that the truth might ruin the growing connection between her and Nina. And yet, wasn’t that the main reason she’d traveled four thousand miles across the country? To find out the truth?

“Let’s see, what else can I tell you?” Nina said. “We’re all very healthy, with no hereditary diseases in the family. You’re lucky that way. You have good genes on both sides.” She paused and asked cautiously, “Have you met Reid’s parents?”

“Reginald and Serena came out for dinner last Sunday. They’re very reserved and formal and they positively dripped money. They were nice to me and they fussed over Beebee but it didn’t occur to me they were her great grandparents.” Amy’s voice held a wobble. “Reid didn’t say a word about my relationship to them. I still can’t believe he lied to me. He was always so supportive, always encouraged me to follow my dreams. I trusted him.”

“He loves you,” Nina said, stepping aside so a gray-haired woman could power-walk past. “He’s proved that beyond a doubt.”

Amy brushed her hair out of her eyes and slowed to turn her gaze on Nina. “Does love justify the lies?”

“He made a promise to the Hockings,” Nina said. “He thought he was doing the right thing.”

“I don’t understand why you’re defending him,” Amy said. “I’ve been here over a week. He knew from the first day that I was looking for my biological mother yet he didn’t tell me who you were. Why?”

Nina shook her head. “I can’t answer that. Maybe he thought I would give him away. Have you tried talking this out with Reid?”

“I’m too angry to talk to him,” Amy said. “He went straight to work after breakfast and hasn’t come out of his office all morning.”

A jogger ran by in a burst of pounding feet and spraying gravel. When he’d passed, Nina changed the subject. “What about Beebee’s father?” she said. “What does he think about you coming out here?”

Head down, Amy shrugged unhappily. “I didn’t tell Ian I was leaving, much less where I was going.”

“Why not?” Nina asked. “What happened to make you run away from him?”

“We fought over his job at the meat-packing plant,” Amy said, avoiding Nina’s gaze. “We’re both vegetarians.”

“Don’t you think he has a right to know where his daughter is?” Nina asked, gently, and Amy felt a hot burst of shame. “Is there another reason you left?” Nina added. “You can tell me. If you want to talk about it.”

Amy hesitated; she’d been longing to confide in someone. Her mom and dad didn’t understand and she couldn’t talk to Reid. “Elaine and Jim want us to get married and Ian agrees,” she blurted out. “I just don’t know if I love him enough to settle down with him.”

“I see,” Nina said. “Does he love you?”

“He says he does,” Amy said. “But we’re so young. I’ve seen the statistics on teenage marriages.”

“You have a child,” Nina said. “You could try to make it work for Beebee’s sake.”

“That’s what Jim and Elaine say.” Amy lifted her hands off the stroller’s handles in frustration. “But Ian’s never actually proposed. I’ve never accepted. The decision to be together was forced on us when Beebee arrived,” Amy said, then added hastily, “not that I regret having her.”

“I know what you mean. It’s complicated,” Nina agreed. “I’m not sure I’m qualified to give advice. All I know is, you need to be very certain about the choices you make now because they’ll affect you, Beebee and Ian for the rest of your life.”

“That’s what worries me,” Amy said, feeling the familiar weight of uncertainty over the future pressing on her. “Right now I need some time out. I need to feel I can make it on my own if I have to. I need to find out who I am before I can become someone’s wife.”

They came to a halt at the end of the dike. The trail sloped off in several directions through the grassy wetland. A park with barbecues, swings and a baseball diamond lay on the far side, next to a parking lot. To their left, a large gray bird wading through the shallows flapped away, its long legs trailing behind.

Beebee pointed a chubby fist. “Bird.”

“This is where we usually turn back.” Amy paused to gaze at Mount Baker floating above the distant horizon on the far side of the bay. The mountains were an unexpected bonus to this side of the country and she never tired of them.

“Did you ever consider giving up Beebee for adoption?” Nina asked.

Surprised at the question. Amy replied more fiercely than she intended. “Never.”

Nina flinched. “I admire you for that,” she said. “My own situation was…unstable when I was pregnant with you. I’m glad you had the security of having a well-off family and a steady boyfriend.”

“I don’t want anyone’s help,” Amy insisted. “I told you, I want to be able to support myself.”

“I understand that, more than you might think. But even when you ran away, you had Reid to turn to,” Nina pointed out. “What would you have done if he hadn’t taken you in?”

Amy didn’t like to contemplate that or to be reminded of her obligations to Reid. She frowned and bent over the stroller to check on Beebee. “I would have survived.”

They started back in silence. Amy struggled with the stroller over the rough path, even as she struggled with her conflicting emotions. Suddenly the day seemed ruined, herself on the verge of tears. Then she felt a touch on her shoulder and turned to find Nina watching her with anxious eyes.

“There are decisions I regret, mistakes I’ve made,” Nina said. “Since you turned up, I’ve felt incredibly lucky, as though I’ve been given a second chance. I’m in no position to pass judgment on you. But you’re my daughter. I’d just like to get to know you.”

Amy glanced away then back again, blinking to clear the moisture in her eyes. How had she ever thought this would be easy? “Well, that’s what I came west for.”

“Let me push for a while,” Nina said, taking over the stroller. “Tell me, what type of music do you like? What kind of books? I want to know everything about you. We have so much to catch up on,” she continued before Amy could reply. “We’ll go to Stanley Park and take the ferry to Vancouver Island. Oh, the aquarium is wonderful. Beebee will love the killer whales. I’ll take you on a tour of the television studio.”