Erika said, “What do you say, baby?”
“Tank you,” Emilia told Dillon with a little smile.
“You’re very welcome. I hope you like it.”
Dillon helped Emilia with the package, which pictured a busy box with lights and music on the box.
“I already put the batteries in,” he told Erika.
“You’ve thought of everything.” Her eyes were full of questions, questions he didn’t know if he could answer.
After Dillon helped Emilia open the box and extract the toy, he pressed one of the buttons. A tiger popped up, music played and a blue light flashed.
“Oh, she’s going to love this,” Erika murmured. “Lights and music fascinate her right now.” She dropped to the floor beside her daughter and sat cross-legged, grinning as Emilia pushed the next button and an elephant popped up with a green light flashing.
Emilia giggled. Pointing to the elephant, she said, “Dumbo.”
“That’s the elephant in one of her books,” Erika explained, with a mother’s pride that her daughter was learning.
As Dillon watched mother and daughter, as he joined in laughing with them, seeing Emilia learn, his heart burned with remembered warmth. The feeling was bittersweet. Pictures of hugging Toby, reading to him and kissing him good-night played across a screen in his mind. Then it was swiftly followed by a feeling of powerlessness because he hadn’t been able to keep his son from slipping away.
Suddenly Emilia stopped playing with the toy. She climbed to her feet, ran to Dillon and held her little arms up to him. “Huggy, huggy,” she said as if he should know what that meant.
Dillon sought Erika’s gaze for translation.
“She wants a hug, and she wants to hug you.”
With a lump in his throat, Dillon wrapped his arms around Emilia and, ignoring the pain in his side, lifted her onto his lap. He gave her a hug and she hugged him back, burying her face in his sweater.
He ran his hand over her wavy hair, feeling his throat tighten.
“I think she’s getting sleepy.” Erika’s voice was low and husky and he wondered what she was thinking. But she didn’t tell him as she gathered Emilia from his arms. “Come on, honey.”
But Emilia began fussing and pointing to the toy Dillon had given her.
“All right. We can take it to your room. But you can’t have it in bed with you.”
“I’ll bring it,” Dillon said.
Erika’s gaze sought his. “This could take a little while. Sometimes the last thing she wants to do is go to sleep.”
“D.J.’s wife, Allaire, told me the same thing about their little boy.”
“You said he’s two, right?” Erika asked as they climbed the staircase to Emilia’s room.
“Yes. A couple of months older than Emilia.”
“And your cousin Dax has children, too?”
“His wife, Shandie, had a little girl when they married, but Dax is as bonded to her as he is to his son.”
Emilia was babbling now to herself and Erika kissed her little girl’s cheek.
Dillon felt a band of painful longing tighten around his heart.
Emilia’s room was painted yellow. There were cutouts of Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore on the walls. Dillon felt as if he had no right to be part of this nightly ritual, but the urge to watch mother and daughter was strong and he leaned against the doorway.
Erika was totally caught up in changing Emilia … and slipping her little nightshirt decorated with lollipops over her head. All the while, she spoke to her. “Soon we’ll have to find you some pj’s with footsies.”
“She’ll probably enjoy the snow this year,” Dillon offered, suddenly needing to be part of the conversation, not wanting to feel like an outsider.
Erika tossed a look over her shoulder as she sat Emilia on the changing table, holding onto her at her waist. “She’ll be fascinated by it,” Erika agreed. “And I can’t wait for the holidays. She’ll be able to dip her hands in the cookie dough, notice the angel on top of the tree and maybe understand a little of the magic of the season.”
“You still find it magical?”
Erika nodded, then added, “And holy.”
The true meaning of Christmas had fallen by the wayside for Dillon. Since Toby had died and Megan had left, all the holiday meant was a dinner with his mother and Peter and his brothers and sister. But suddenly, standing here with Erika and her little girl, he saw even that dinner in a different light. A family was bigger than the sum of its individual parts, much bigger. Maybe his resentful feelings about Peter had been one more element that had marred his marriage and his feelings about his family for too many years.
As Erika carried Emilia to her crib, she said, “You look as if you’re deep in thought.”
“Not too deep,” he returned nonchalantly, but he could see she wasn’t buying it.
She took a stuffed dog from the corner of the crib and handed it to Emilia. Her daughter tucked the dog into her body like the precious comfort that it was.
“Can you say good-night to Dr. Dillon?” Erika asked her.
Emilia held on to the crib railing, rocking back and forth from one foot to the other. Then she smiled at him and said, “Nighty-night, Dr. Diwwon.”
The tug toward mother and child was so strong Dillon couldn’t resist. Crossing to them, he gave Emilia a good-night hug. “Nighty-night, little one.” Then in turmoil because of conflicting emotions, he said, “I’ll wait downstairs,” and left the nursery.
Fifteen minutes later, he’d straightened the books on the coffee table and righted the cushions on the sofa. Erika descended the stairs, adjusted the baby monitor on the side table and sank down on the couch a few inches away from him.
“Thank you,” she said, motioning to the room. “You didn’t have to straighten up.”
“I needed something to do.”
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