Rula Sinara - The Promise of Rain

Anna pulled a wooden stool next to hers. “It’s him.” She sighed.

A moment passed in silence as they watched the children sleep.

“Oh, honey. All these years and you told me Pippa’s father didn’t care. That doesn’t look like a man who doesn’t care. What gives? Why have you been hiding?” Niara asked.

“Who says I’ve been hiding?”

Niara threw her head back in disbelief before squaring her shoulders. “Not hiding? Come on, Anna. You’ve never once gone back to the States. You haven’t even visited your parents, and calling your mother isn’t the same. You’re not the first person whose parents divorced. To close yourself off for this long? It’s crazy. I just don’t understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand. This is my work. Everything and everyone that matters to me is here.”

Anna hung her head. Niara had been so good to her and they’d shared so much. Niara knew that as a teenager Anna had lost a baby brother, but she didn’t know what it had done to her mother...to her family. Some things were too personal to share with anyone.

Niara laid a hand on Anna’s back and rubbed gently, like Anna did to Pippa when she needed soothing after a bad dream or a scraped knee. Niara was right, though, and at this point, Anna needed an ally. Someone who loved Pippa and would do anything to protect her.

“My parents didn’t just divorce, Niara. They never married out of love to begin with. The whole time they had been lying. Pretending.”

“I don’t understand. Where’s the lie? Nobody’s life is perfect, but no matter what, it’s a parent’s job—their hope—to guide their children to a better one. All parents use experience to teach their children what they think is best.”

“Is it best to not be wanted?”

Niara frowned.

“Niara, my father never gave me the time of day. Always busy with the politics of work. His career came first—at every recital, birthday, parent night at school...even my graduations. Turns out it wasn’t just because he was busy. It was because he never wanted me to begin with. I was a burden. In his eyes, the only thing I came first in was being conceived before marriage. All those talks about waiting? My parents didn’t wait. My mom got pregnant and my dad married her out of pure obligation. A noble sense of duty that resulted in a bitter marriage, and left me with a bitter dad. Do you have any idea how old it gets, making up answers for ‘Where’s your dad?’ at school functions? Oh, the worst was when I got asked if he was overseas, serving our country, and I had to say no. He didn’t even have an honorable reason to be gone. He just didn’t want me.”

“I’m so sorry, Anna. People do make mistakes. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love you and truly want your life to be different than theirs.”

“My mother loves me. I don’t doubt that. But seeing what she went through is why I couldn’t tell Jack.” And loving my mom is why I couldn’t tell her, either.

“You made a choice staying in Kenya, but you also chose to keep your child from her father. She has one. You don’t know how many nights I wish it was that way with Haki.”

Anna reached over and gripped Niara’s hand. How could she be so thoughtless? Of course Niara would see her as taking things for granted.

“You don’t understand. Jack’s just like my dad,” Anna said. “So focused on his career, yet at the same time shortsighted about life. They do what they think is right in the moment, their duty, but don’t look at what it’ll mean later on. They don’t see anyone ending up the victim of their regrets.”

“Anna, I chose not to live my life as a victim, even if I was one. You don’t have to think of yourself that way.”

“I don’t!” she said, glancing at the kids to make sure her voice hadn’t woken them. “Okay. I’ll admit that I did before I came here. The day my mom told me about the divorce was the same day I graduated from veterinary school. I was due to fly to Kenya shortly after. She’d come down for the ceremony, but my dad didn’t make it. Big surprise. That whole day was like being tossed between Mount Kilimanjaro’s peak and the Serengeti’s heat. Everything I’d ever known had been turned upside down.”

Everything. Such as believing, as a young child, that Daddy really did need to work all the time, then noticing, as a teen, that he didn’t dote on her mom the way she’d seen her friends’ parents act. After her brother’s death sucked her mom into deep depression, he’d abandoned them emotionally, and Anna had thought he couldn’t cope, either. But what she hadn’t known, until graduation day, was that he’d been stuck with her. She’d ruined his life, down to the day her brother died.

“I was devastated. I felt more than sorry for myself, but not anymore. In any case, Jack and I had been best friends since middle school. I knew I could turn to him.”

Niara caught the implication. “So you’re saying he’s the father for sure?”

“Anyone else would be a physical impossibility. We were both...inexperienced. One time, Niara. My only time. My biggest, most rebellious mistake.”

Niara looked at the children but didn’t speak.

“Oh,” Anna said. “She’s not a mistake. And Haki isn’t, either. You know how much I love them both. They’re the only good, pure thing that has come out of what we’ve both been through.”

“I know that, Anna, but I think your biggest mistake was not telling her father.”

“You’re wrong, Niara. I’ve been protecting both of them. Jack from himself and Pippa from growing up the way I did. There’s no way I’ll let her go through what I went through. And why should I have to endure the life my mom did? Dad never loved her.” Not in sickness or in health. Anna covered her face with her hands, then pushed her hair back. Niara had always been there for her, and here she was snapping at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“No. I am, but you have to understand. Men like my dad and Jack don’t know how to love. Career men with a conscience. Guilt and duty...but not love. Jack thinks he wants Pippa, but I know it’s only because he’s doing what he thinks he has to do.” He tried that on me before.

“You think he feels obligated?” Niara said.

“Yes. I know he does.” And not for the first time.

Anna’s nose tingled and she rubbed it with the back of her hand, unwilling to break down. The granule of hope that she’d latched on to for five years had dissolved, leaving her feeling deflated, just as when Pippa had been drawn from her belly. Only this time, Jack threatened to take the only person she was left with to cherish and fill the void. Pippa’s love was the only love that was real for Anna, and the only love she could trust.

“I don’t have time for self-pity anymore. Not as a mother. He wants to meet Pippa later.”

“Of course,” Niara said.

“He wants to take her, Niara. I can’t let that happen.”

Niara rubbed her fingertips against her mouth before responding. “No fears, okay? It’ll all work out.”

“I need to get back,” Anna said, standing up and scooting the stool out of the way. She gave Niara a hug. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Always nice to hear.” Her friend chuckled. “But you’re even better, and stronger than you think. You’ll be fine, Anna.”

* * *

JACK SEALED THE tissue sample and began labeling it as per Dr. Alwanga’s protocol. Although it wasn’t how he spent most of his research time, Jack had received samples before. Straight to the lab for analysis. Collected by someone else. He hoped that the keeper who’d taken him to the calf had dismissed the sweat on his face as a by-product of heat. Maybe it was in part because he’d witnessed Anna mourning the baby elephant. It wasn’t just a calf or a sample to her.