Irene Hannon - It Had to Be You

She gazed at Jake, and suddenly she felt as if she was looking at a stranger, as if the man she’d fallen in love with had somehow ceased to exist. That man had been caring and kind, someone who could be relied upon to stand beside her, no matter the circumstances. The stranger sitting beside her seemed to possess none of those qualities. He’d said he loved her. And maybe he thought he did. But his actions didn’t even come close to fitting her definition of love.

Maggie took a deep breath, struggling to make sense of everything that was happening. Her life had changed so dramatically in the last three weeks that there was an air of unreality about it. She’d lost her only sister. She’d been given responsibility for two young, newly orphaned children, one of whom needed ongoing medical care. And now the final blow. She was losing the man she loved. Only her faith kept total despair at bay. But even with her faith, she was finding it hard not to give in to self-pity. Why was the Lord testing her this way? she cried silently. She just couldn’t see any purpose to it.

Unless…unless it was the Lord’s way of letting Jake show his true character now, before they formalized their commitment, she thought, searching desperately for an explanation that made some sense. She supposed it was better to find out now how he reacted in adversity. But frankly, at this moment, it didn’t give her much consolation.

“Maggie?”

Jake’s concerned voice drew her back to the present. The familiar warmth and tenderness were back in his eyes, and for just a moment she was tempted to tell him she’d do whatever he wanted, just so long as they could be together.

But with sudden resolve, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. She’d already practically begged him to rethink his decision, and he’d rejected her plea. Well, she had some pride. If Jake didn’t love her enough to stick by her through this, then she didn’t want him, either. She could survive on her own. Okay, so maybe she’d relied too much on Jake to take care of things, make all the decisions. That didn’t mean she couldn’t learn to do those things herself. Especially since it was clear she had to. She needed to take her life in her own hands. Beginning right now.

Abruptly Maggie rose, and Jake stared up at her, startled by her sudden movement.

She took a deep breath, willing herself to get through the next few minutes without breaking down. Her heart might be tattered, but there would be time for tears later, when she was alone. Plenty of time, in fact. Like the rest of her life.

“Jake, I don’t see any reason to prolong this, do you? You’ve said what you came to say. It’s obvious you’ve set a new course for your life. I have to accept that. And I wish you well.”

Jake rose more slowly, his face troubled. There was a quality in Maggie’s voice he’d never heard before—a quiet dignity, tinged with resignation. This wasn’t at all the reaction he’d anticipated. He’d expected tears and pleading right up to the final goodbye.

“Look, Maggie, I don’t want to just walk out and leave you to totally fend for yourself. I’d like to at least help you out financially, make sure you’re settled.”

As far as Maggie was concerned, offering money was the worst thing Jake could have done. Maybe it would appease his conscience, but she wanted nothing from this man who, until half an hour ago, had been the center of her world, whose love she had mistakenly believed to be unshakable and true.

“I don’t want your money, Jake. I have a job. A good job. Graphic design is a growing field. I might even branch out into illustration. And Becky and Charles had insurance, so the girls will be well provided for. We’ll be fine.”

Jake looked at Maggie, noting the uncharacteristic tilt of her chin. She’d always been so compliant, so accepting of his help, that he was a bit taken aback by her refusal. And he was even more surprised when she removed her engagement ring and held it out to him.

“I think this is yours.”

“Keep the ring, Maggie,” he protested, surprised at the unevenness of his own voice.

“Why? It’s a symbol of something that no longer exists. I’d rather you take it back.” She reached over and dropped it into his hand. Then she walked to the door, opened it and turned to face him. “I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other, do we?”

Jake looked at Maggie. Her beautiful eyes were steady, and for once he couldn’t read her feelings in their depths. But he knew she was hurting. Knew that she must feel exactly as he felt—devastated and bereft. But she was hiding it well. Slowly he followed her to the door.

“I’ll take care of canceling all the…arrangements.” He could at least spare her that.

“Thank you,” she said stiffly.

“I’m sorry, Maggie.” He knew words were inadequate. But they were all he could offer.

“So am I.” Her voice caught on the last word, and for a moment he thought she was going to lose it. He almost wished she would. He didn’t know how to deal with this aloof, controlled Maggie. He wanted to take her in his arms one last time, wanted to cry with her at the unfairness of life, wanted to mourn the passing of their relationship. It was clear, however, that she had a different sort of parting in mind.

“Well…I guess there’s nothing left to say.”

“No.”

“Maggie, I hope…” His voice trailed off. What did he hope? That someday she would find it in her heart to forgive him? Unlikely. That she would eventually be able to remember with pleasure their good times? Again, unlikely. That a man worthy of her love would one day claim her heart?

That thought jolted him. No, that wasn’t at all what he wanted. His Maggie in the arms of another man? The idea repelled him. And yet, how could he wish her less? She deserved to find happiness with a man who would love her enough to stand by her through the tough times as well as the happy ones. Someone who would do a much better job at that than he had.

“What do you hope?” she asked curiously, a wistful note creeping into her voice.

He considered his answer, and settled for one that didn’t even come close to expressing the myriad of conflicting emotions in his heart. “I wish you happiness, Maggie.”

The smile she gave him was touched with bitterness, telling him more eloquently than words that she considered that a vain hope. “Thanks, Jake. Goodbye.”

And then she very gently, very deliberately, shut the door behind him.

Maggie walked numbly back to the couch and sat down. She felt chilled to the bone and suddenly she began to tremble. For the first time in her life she was truly alone. She’d told Jake that she would be all right But those words had been spoken with more bravado and pride than confidence. She didn’t have a clue how she was going to cope. Not without Jake.

Jake, with his gentle touch and laughing eyes, his confidence and optimism, his sense of adventure. He had filled her world with joy and brightness. The events that had transpired in this room during the last hour couldn’t erase the memory of all they’d shared, of the love she had felt for him. Without Jake, the future stretched ahead like a dark, aching void, filled with overwhelming responsibilities, yet empty of the warmth and companionship and love that made all trials bearable. How could she go on alone?

And then she thought of the twins. They needed her. Desperately. They, too, had been deprived of the people they loved most. She had to be strong for them, if not for herself. Together they would move forward. For the three of them, love had died—for the twins, physically; for her, emotionally. But the death was equally final in both cases.