Carolyne Aarsen - A Father in the Making

Then, when Denny was seventeen, they died in a small plane crash, reinforcing the one belief he had clung to since his mother left him with an abusive stepfather.

Letting people into your life hurt.

“You’ll change your mind someday,” Denny said with a conviction that created a tinge of frustration in Nate.

But Nate preferred to keep his comments to himself.

Evangeline came toward them pushing the baby stroller and gave them both a quick smile. “I’ll keep moving,” she whispered as she passed them. “The girls are sleeping. I just called Olivia and she said she would stay until we came back.”

Denny nodded and leaned back, seemingly content to just sit.

Nate envied him his composure. He couldn’t sit still. Too much had happened too quickly. He was still processing his accident and now this?

He tapped his fingers together and blew out his breath, feeling as if the walls closed in on him.

“What is taking so long?”

“You can go back to the ranch if you want,” Denny said. “Check on your horses. See how Olivia is doing.”

Nate shook his head. “No. I want to see this through. Do you want something to drink? I’m dry as dust.”

“No, thanks, but you go ahead. Do you need change?” he asked, already reaching for his wallet.

“Thanks. I’m good.” Nate had to smile at the offer. Denny was always slipping him money when Nate blew through his allowance sooner than he was supposed to. Always looking out for him. Still looking out for him.

Nate walked down the hall to the vending machine and made his choice, but when he pulled his wallet out to slip the money in he was disappointed to see his fingers trembling.

Aftershock, he reminded himself. The paramedic told him to watch out for it and to go to the hospital if it got too bad.

As if. He had spent enough of his life in a hospital; he wasn’t going to deliberately check into one on his own. He grabbed the bottle of juice when it dropped into the bin. He twisted the top off and chugged half the bottle down as his mind, unwilling, returned to the thick, choking smoke curling up from the building. The panic that seized him when he saw the flames licking up the side of the wall as he and Jeff pulled open the door to the apartment, dropped to the floor and started crawling. The fear that clutched at him when he didn’t find the little boy in his bed.

He stopped by the windows overlooking the town as he walked back to the waiting room, pushing the memories down. Hartley Creek seemed like a good place to stay awhile if he had to stay anywhere. Denny was here. Olivia, too. And it sounded like the other sisters might be popping in from time to time.

Nate let a hint of a smile play over his lips. He had missed Denny and the girls more than he wanted to admit. The past three years had been tiring and taxing and draining. Too much time on the road. Too many competitions. Too much juggling to find places for his horses to stay on the off-season. Right now he had two mares that had just foaled, boarded at a friend’s place. One of these days he knew he had to find a permanent home.

But the thought of settling down, putting down roots, creating the potential for loss...

He shook off that thought, took another swig of juice and started back down the hallway. Then stopped as another fit of coughing seized him. Unable to walk through it he rested his hand against the wall, doubled over. When he was done, his chest felt as if someone had doused his lungs with acid. He took a few more slow breaths, carefully sucking air into his raw throat. It would be okay, he reminded himself.

Then, as he looked up, he saw Mia standing by the entrance to the emergency department, her arms wrapped tightly around her oldest boy. She was looking directly at him.

For a moment he felt it again. The initial shot of attraction he had experienced when he first saw her in Evangeline’s bookstore. The attraction that had been doused when he found out that she had children. A family.

But in spite of that, he easily remembered how she leaned into him as they walked toward the ambulance. How, for a moment, it felt nice to be needed.

He pushed that reaction down. He had his own stuff to deal with and no room for a woman in his life. Especially not a woman who needed more than he could possibly give.

“Where are Evangeline and Denny?” he asked her as he came around the corner to see the waiting room vacated.

“The girls just woke up when I got back here. One needed something to eat, the other, a clean diaper. So they’re taking care of it.”

He sensed, from the strained note in her voice that she didn’t feel right about that situation. She seemed like a person that had a hard time accepting help.

“So how are the boys?” he asked. “What did the doctor say?”

She took a breath then pushed her hand through her short hair in a nervous gesture. “Josh is good,” she said, rubbing her hand up and down the arm of the older boy standing beside her. His dark hair was pasted down on one side and while his face was clean, his hands were still streaked with black, as were his clothes. Mia fingered Josh’s hair away from his face in a vain attempt to neaten it, her fingers trembling. “You’re going to need a bath when we get home, buddy....” Mia’s sentence trailed off and Nate realized she no longer had a home to go back to.

“How is Nico?” Nate asked.

Mia gave him a curious look, as if wondering about his concern. “Dr. Brouwer is checking a few more things out. How was he when you took him out of the building?”

“Scared. Panicky. He hung on to me like a little monkey. But I don’t think anything was broken or burned.”

Mia pressed her lips together as she took a slow, trembling breath. “I can’t begin to thank you for...for what you did. You saved my son’s life.”

She gave him a wavery smile and Nate had to resist the urge to slip his arm around her shoulder and support her. But he caught himself in time.

He had nothing to give a woman like her. She needed someone stable, strong. Someone who could be a father to her kids.

Instead, he turned to Josh, feeling a rush of empathy. Hospitals could be intimidating and scary places. Nate crouched down, balancing on the balls of his feet, his hands dangling between his knees. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

Josh gave him a smile that echoed his mother’s. Trying to be brave. “I was scared in the fire,” the six-year-old said. “And then I saw Mr. Deptuck and he got me and Angie out.” His lower lip trembled and Nate guessed he would have a few bad dreams the next while.

Nate put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. “You’ll be just fine, champ.”

He straightened and caught Mia’s gaze, her eyes holding a stark look, a direct contrast to the forced smile that held her mouth captive.

She was trying so hard to be brave, he thought. Brave for her son.

“And Jeff?” he asked.

“I’m not sure.” She shot him a frown. “Are you sure you shouldn’t see the doctor, as well?”

The concern in her voice created a flicker of warmth, but he waved off her suggestion. “I’m fine. Throat’s sore, but I’m okay.”

She looked at him like she didn’t believe him and for a moment, he found he couldn’t look away.

Stop this, he warned himself. Don’t do this.

Then he heard the sound of a baby’s whimper and he spun around. Denny and Evangeline returned with the girls. Both babies rubbed their eyes, their cheeks flaming pink.

“Oh, girlies,” Mia said, reaching out for one of them. “You are exhausted.”

Evangeline released the one baby to her and Mia held her close, tucking her little baby’s head against her neck and rocking her. She had been through a lot and was still giving her babies comfort.