Jillian Hart - Reunited for the Holidays

“That wasn’t your fault, Belle.” It cut him in two to think back upon that unhappy time. “We both made that decision, remember? We agreed to stay apart. It was for the best.”

“Yes, but will they understand?” For all her strength and bravado, Belle’s world had revolved around her children. Clearly that was as true as it had ever been.

“We’ll do our best to make them understand.”

“Maybe now is a good time to tell you something else. The twins received Bibles from an anonymous person while I was in my coma. There were notes inside asking for forgiveness. There was no explanation and I can’t help but wonder if it could be from him?”

“I’ll find out. I promise you.” He reached out to cover her hand, wanting to comfort her and reassure her, but hesitated. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea.

As if she agreed, she gave his outstretched hand a worried look, straightened her shoulders and moved forward. “I think I need to lie down for a while.”

“Fine.” He stayed planted where he stood in the corridor, watching her progress along the tiled floor, hurrying away from him. Tall, lean, graceful, even with a limp. It wasn’t longing he felt—his affection for Belle was in the past—but he couldn’t put his finger on what emotion tugged at him. Perhaps he would always want to make things better for Belle, always want to make her happy.

Not that he’d ever been able to do so. Shoulders braced, he headed for the nurses’ station. He had a few questions for Belle’s doctors.

* * *

“...Lord bless us and keep us. Amen.” Belle finished the blessing, trying to keep her voice from wobbling with nerves. Thankful for her faith that sustained her and for her family, united and happy, she opened her eyes and gave Violet’s hand one last squeeze before releasing it.

For a minute it was like seeing double—two identical sons and two identical daughters seated in wicker chairs around a patio table watching her every move. No doubt for signs of weakness. They worried over her health too much. She was a Texas girl, born and bred. She was tough, she was resilient and she’d defeat the last effects of her head injury in no time. She hated that they were troubled. Worse, she hated the crinkle of concern carved into Brian’s handsome face. Movie-star handsome, she might add. Honest piercing brown eyes, exquisite cheekbones and the strongly angled jaw that maturity had only improved.

Now, why exactly was she noticing? Probably because it was better than the difficult story she was about to tell. Anxiety fluttered in her stomach, making the appetizing meal Lupita had packed for them look like a very bad idea indeed. Her midsection rolled, and her hunger tanked. The secret had lived inside her for so many years. She’d avoided this moment for more than one reason, for more reasons than she’d admitted to Brian. What if telling the truth brought more pain?

“Do you want me to start, Belle?” Brian couldn’t be kinder as he searched her face across the length of table. Behind him a Christmas garland slung across the doorway into the sunroom. “I’d like to.”

“You didn’t mention that earlier.” Her words were light and meant that way, but she couldn’t help feeling annoyed. It was her story to tell, she was the one who’d torn this family apart long ago. Hadn’t that been how she’d spent the past hour in her room, practicing what she would say and how she would say it? Fearing all the while the twins wouldn’t understand. That they would resent her for disrupting their childhoods and separating them for over two decades. Each twin had grown up alone because of her.

“If you want to go first, then go.” Brian nodded absently, and Carter slipped a pulled pork sandwich onto his plate. Brian’s entire focus zeroed in on her. “Let me take the blame.”

“But you aren’t at fault.” His steadfast tone almost made her believe it.

“You weren’t the one who saw—” She stopped herself, seeing it happen all over again.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Jack leaned forward in his chair. “What did you see?”

“Yeah...what’s this all about?” Grayson asked.

“Mom, you look upset.” Violet took her hand again and squeezed.

“The doctor said you aren’t supposed to be stressed.” Maddie frowned, taking her other hand. “Dad, what’s got her so worked up?”

Belle shook her head. See how the man made her crazy? He’d always stirred her up, messed with her normally logical mind and turned everything on end. It wasn’t that they were arguing, exactly. She laughed at herself. Some things never changed. “Fine, Brian, you go first.”

Across the table, the man arched one brow as if to ask if she was sure. She nodded, nerves prickling. This looked important to him. She wanted to be the one to tell the truth, the truth her children had been asking about for a long time. Brian hadn’t been there, he hadn’t been involved, but she wanted peace between them. Leave the arguments and the fighting in the past where it belonged. As if he could see all that in her eyes, he drew in a breath, straightened his spine and looked around the table at each child, now an adult, the sadness in his gaze strong enough to dilute the shining sun.

“Twenty-five years ago your mother and I divorced. We’d married young while we were still in high school, and this may come as a shock to you but we had to get married. That was my fault, and mine alone. This was before both Belle and I were Christians.”

Brian’s sincerity rumbled in deep, low notes. “I won’t lie to you, it was tough being married that young. We had school to finish, and then your mother chose to drop out when the boys were born. That wasn’t an easy sacrifice. I almost did, too, because juggling full-time work was too much, but your mother encouraged me to hang in there.”

“You had dreams, Brian.” It hurt to remember the young man he’d been, the integrity that had always been a part of him. Insisting he had to marry her, struggling as hard as he knew how to be a good husband to her and a proud father. Why did it hurt to remember the good as much as it did the bad? “You’d always wanted to be a doctor since you were a little boy.”

“Yes, but I didn’t want it to cost me my other dreams.” He swallowed hard, telling her something she’d never guessed. Maybe being a father and a husband had been dreams of his, too.

And not something he’d been forced into. Tears burned behind her eyes and she blinked hard, refusing to let them fall, refusing to let him see.

“But it was too much. We couldn’t make our marriage work. I’m sorry.” Brian’s baritone dipped. “Your mother and I tried as hard as we knew how. We both gave it everything we had. Everything.”

“We did.” The wrenching fights, the tears after, the knowledge that they were failing at the single most important job in their lives—as married parents of their beloved double set of twins. Stubborn tears filled her eyes, but she held Brian’s gaze through the blur of them. No way could she let him take the sole blame for this. “I was the one who asked you to leave, Brian. I was the one who quit on you. I just couldn’t take you so unhappy, and then it happened.”

“I know.” Although he was at the other end of the table, his compassion bridged the distance between them. “I thought the same thing. I always figured we’d find our way back to each other and then—”

“The Witness Protection Program.” The words tumbled off her tongue. “If I hadn’t left the doctor’s office at that exact moment, then we never would have left.”

“It’s not your fault, Belle. It’s the way things happened, that’s all.” Brian sounded as if he had no doubt. “I never blamed you for that. I admired you for having the strength and the guts to testify.”