Patricia Davids - Katie's Redemption

He began to sing a soft lullaby in his native tongue. Rachel stared back at him intently for a few minutes, but she eventually grew discontent with his voice and the fingers she couldn’t quite get in her mouth. Her little fussing noises became a full-fledged cry.

“I guess I can’t fix what ails you after all. I reckon I’ll have to wake your mother.”

“I’m awake.” Katie’s low voice came from the bed.

He looked over to find her watching him with dark eyes as beautiful and intense as her daughter’s. How long had she been listening to him?

Katie met Elam’s gaze across the room. Moonlight streaming through the windows cut long rectangles of light across the plank floor. It gave her enough light to see the way Elam held her daughter. With confidence, caring and gentleness. Would Matt have done the same? Somehow, she didn’t think so.

Her boyfriend’s charm had evaporated quickly, once the novelty of having an Amish girlfriend wore off. When he found himself stuck with a “stupid Amish bumpkin” who couldn’t use a microwave and didn’t know how to work a cell phone, he reverted to his true nature. The harder Katie tried to make him happy, the more resentful he became. The harder she tried to prove her love, the louder he complained that she was smothering him. Looking back, it seemed that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Her elderly landlady back in Columbus once said, “Honey, that man’s a case of bad judgment. Dump him before he dumps you.”

Katie hadn’t wanted to believe Mrs. Pearlman, but it turned out she knew what she was talking about.

Elam spoke as he rose to his feet, yanking Katie’s attention back to the present. “I was trying to get Rachel to go back to sleep without waking you.”

“The song you were singing, what’s it called?”

“You don’t know In der Stillen Einsamkeit?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

“No.”

“I thought every Amish child had heard it. My mother sang it to all of us and still sings it to her grandchildren.”

“There wasn’t a lot of singing in my house. I don’t remember my mother ever singing. I have very few clear memories of my family. My father died before I was born in some kind of farm accident. I do remember my brother Hans playing with me. He was always laughing. He gave me a doll that I loved, and he gave me piggyback rides. I remember someone scolding him to be careful. I think it was my mother.”

“What happened to your family?”

“Everyone except Malachi and I died in a fire when I was four.”

“I’m sorry.”

Katie shrugged off his sympathy. “It was a long time ago.”

Rachel gave another lusty cry. Elam said, “I think she’s telling me I make a poor substitute for her mother.”

Katie shifted into a sitting position in the bed and held out her arms. When Elam laid her daughter in her embrace, she said, “I’m afraid she’s going to think I’m a poor substitute for a mother when she gets to know me.”

“My sisters all worried that they wouldn’t make good mothers, but they learned. You will, too.”

“I hope you’re right.” He sounded so matter-of-fact. Like it was a done deal. She wanted to believe him, but she had made such a mess of her life up to this point.

“My mother will help as long as you’re here. If you let her.”

“I’m not sure I could stop her. She’s something of a force of nature.”

Chuckling softly, he nodded. “Jah, that is a good description of Mamm.”

As their eyes met, Katie experienced a strange thrill, a sizzling connection with Elam that both surprised and delighted her. Rachel quieted. Elam’s expression changed. The amusement left his gaze, replaced by an odd intensity that sent heat rushing to Katie’s cheeks.

Since the baby had quieted, Katie simply held and admired her. Stroking one of her daughter’s sweetly curved brows, Katie said, “This wasn’t the way I planned for you to come into the world.”

Elam folded his arms. “Our best laid plans often come to naught.”

“My landlady used to say, ‘Man plans, God laughs.’” Katie tried to imitate her friend’s broad Yiddish accent.

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

Katie nodded sadly. “She was a very wise woman.”

If Mrs. Pearlman had lived, Katie wouldn’t be in this mess. Her kind landlady would have taken her in until she found a job. God had once again taken away the person who truly cared about her, leaving Katie where she had always been. Alone, unwanted, belonging nowhere.

She glanced up at Elam as he towered over her bed. “Your mother reminds me of my friend. She had the same kind eyes.”

When he didn’t say anything, Katie sighed. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Frowning slightly, he asked, “And what would that be?”

“You’re thinking I didn’t plan very well at all.”

He crossed his arms and looked at the floor. “I didn’t say that.”

“No, you didn’t, but it’s the truth. I kept thinking that Matt would come back for me. For us.”

“How long ago did he leave you?”

“Three months. After that I got a part-time job working for our landlady, but she died and the place was sold. I waited for him to come back until my rent ran out. I only had enough money left to buy a bus ticket here.”

“Your husband should not have left you.”

It was her turn to look away. The shame she’d tried so hard to ignore left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Matt Carson wasn’t my husband.”

“Ah.” It was all Elam said, but to her ears that one syllable carried a wealth of condemnation and pity.

After a long moment, he said, “You should know that Grace Zimmerman mentioned Matt was a friend of her grandson when I went there to use the phone. She said she would have her grandson try and contact Matt. Perhaps he will come for you when he finds out you are here.”

Rachel began to fuss again. Katie bounced her gently. “Matt had plenty of time to come for us when we were in the city. I don’t expect he will come now. We won’t be a burden to you or your family any longer than necessary.”

“We will not turn you out. That is not our way. The Bible commands us to help those in need.”

“I’m grateful for all you’ve done, but I’ll go on to my brother as soon as possible.”

Nettie appeared in the living room doorway rubbing her neck. “There’s no need to speak of traveling yet. The nurse says you’re to rest. You can write to Malachi and tell him your situation, but you will stay here for a few days. Or more if you need it.”

Katie bit her lip. Writing her brother would not be enough. She had to go to Malachi in person. He’d made that abundantly clear the day she left with Matt. His angry words still echoed inside her head.

“You ungrateful harlot, you’ve brought shame on me since the day you were born. You’ll not last six months out in the English world. When you come to your senses you’ll be back. But know this. You are dead to me until I see you kneeling in front of me and begging my forgiveness.”

At the time, she felt only relief at getting away from her brother’s strict control. In the months that followed, when it became clear that running away with Matt had been a bad decision, Katie came to realize that she did still care about her brother and she was sorry for the way she’d left.

Matt laughed at her and called her spineless when she decided to try and mend things with her only sibling. She had written several long letters of apology, but each one came back unopened. After two months, she gave up trying. When Matt left she didn’t bother writing to her brother. She knew he meant what he’d said.

Rachel started crying again. Nettie waved a hand to send Elam on his way. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Right now this little one is hungry and she doesn’t want to wait any longer.”