Carole Page - Decidedly Married

“Maybe I am. You said you were working with another Realtor.”

“Yeah. It went like clockwork. The client’s happy. We got the price we wanted, and you know how amazing that is these days.”

“Then you two worked well together—you and this— Beth? ” She struggled to say the word without an undercurrent of hostility. But the way Michael looked at her she feared she had allowed more meaning to creep into her question than she had intended.

His icy blue eyes drilled hers. “It’s late. Why all the questions, Julie?”

“No reason.” She looked away. Somewhere at the core of her spine she was trembling. She knew she couldn’t let this moment pass without answers. If necessary, she would force the issue and make Michael tell her the truth. “It’s just—I had a strange feeling about this deal tonight, this other Realtor—Beth, whoever she is—like maybe there’s something more important here than you’ve told me.” She looked at him, afraid to read the truth in his eyes. “Is there something more, Michael?”

His gaze remained steady, clear. His lips curved in a provocative half smile. “Looks like you’ve found me out, Jewel. You always did have good instincts about these things. How’d you know?”

“About Beth?” she asked in a small, pained voice. Was he going to force her to say the awful words aloud?

“You must have talked to someone at the office today, right? They told you?”

“No, nobody told me a thing.”

“Then how did you know about us bringing Beth aboard?”

She stared at him, perplexed. If he was confessing to an affair, he had a strange way of phrasing it. “What are you talking about, Michael?”

Now he looked as baffled as she felt. “I thought you just said you knew about Beth.”

She forced her voice to remain steady, controlled. “Maybe you’d better tell me yourself, Michael.”

“She’s leaving Consolidated. She’s accepted a position with Ryan and Associates.”

Julie waited, unmoving, her breath caught in her chest. Had she heard right? “What are you saying, Michael?”

“Good grief, Julie, is this a riddle or what? You sounded like you already knew. I’m telling you I’ve brought Beth Chamberlin into our camp. She’s working with me now. She may be young, but she’s a crackerjack agent. A real go-getter. If she’s as successful with us as she was with Consolidated, we’ll triple our sales in six months.”

Julie crawled under the covers and slipped over to her side of the bed. She felt dazed; her head spun. Had she been enormously mistaken about this woman named Beth and her fragrant, little blue note signed with love? Was she truly just a new colleague of Michael’s? Was their interest in each other purely professional? Or was Michael a better liar than she had ever given him credit for?

“What’s wrong, Julie? Hey, sweetheart, what just happened here?” Michael climbed into bed beside her and pulled her close. His fingers moved over her face and neck to her shoulder and slipped under the spaghetti strap of her gown “Come on, Jewel. Aren’t we going to celebrate? I know the perfect way to wrap up this evening. How about it, sweetheart?”

She pulled away and turned over, her back to him. She felt herself freezing up, her mind and body turning numb and cold and impenetrable as a glacier. I’m sorry, Michael, I can’t. I can’t!

“I thought you were ready to celebrate. What is it this time?” he demanded. “You’re not in the mood anymore? What is it? Talk to me, Julie. What’d I do wrong? In the name of heaven, Julie, say something!”

At breakfast the next morning Julie sensed that Michael was still irritated with her, but he had the good grace to act as if nothing was wrong around their daughter. Katie, oblivious of any undercurrent, monopolized the conversation, raving to her dad about her new boyfriend, Jesse. “He’s so cool, Daddy. He can do impressions. You should hear him do Jay Leno and Tom Hanks. And the president. He sounds just like him. You’ll totally like Jesse, Daddy.”

Julie looked up from her yogurt and granola and said quietly, “He has hair past his shoulders and wears an earring in his ear, Michael.”

“Half the guys I know have long hair and wear earrings, Daddy,” protested Katie. “That doesn’t make him bad. You just don’t like him, Mom, because he dropped out of school.”

“I never said I didn’t like him,” said Julie, knowing she had already lost this round.

“I’d like to meet him,” said Michael. “Invite him over, Katie. How about Sunday? We’ll throw some steaks on the grill and swap some impressions. I do a pretty convincing Robin Williams, if I do say so myself. Isn’t that right, Julie?”

Ignoring the question, she stood up abruptly and started clearing the table. She had no desire to involve herself in such foolishness. Why do you always do this to me, Michael? she wondered with a stab of resentment. Instead of supporting me and urging Katie to date decent, college-bound boys, you encourage her by inviting this young hooligan over to the house. You always rubber-stamp her choices, no matter how foolish they are, and leave me looking like the bad guy!

“Where are you going, Mom?” asked Katie as Julie reached for her purse.

“Where do you think?” Julie shot back with a hint of acid in her tone. “Your dad and boyfriend do impressions. Well, I do a great disappearing act. I’m going to work.” She gave them each a perfunctory kiss and was out the door before either could protest.

They have more fun anyway when it’s just the two of them, she told herself as she headed for the freeway onramp. They always laugh more together than when it’s the three of us. I cramp their style. Spoil their fun.

Before she settled into a pity party of one, Julie reminded herself that her husband and daughter needed her to keep some balance in their lives. I keep them on track. I bring them back down to earth so they don’t soar away forever like helium-filled balloons. I give their lives stability and direction.

But somehow that knowledge didn’t comfort her. She knew her husband and daughter shared a special bond she could never break through. She would always be the outsider looking in; that seemed to be the quintessence of her life.

And now she had a feeling her relationship with Michael was growing even more strained and distant. Why couldn’t she respond to him the way he wanted her to last night? She had set him up. Why had she turned away, freezing him out? What was wrong with her that she couldn’t surrender to the sweet abandonment of loving her husband?

She wanted to blame her problems on a stranger named Beth, but maybe the real problem was Julie’s own irrational fears and feelings of inadequacy. I’ve got to meet this Beth, she decided. That’s the only way I’ll know if she’s a real threat to my marriage.

After work Julie stopped by Michael’s office with the pretense of suggesting a dinner date to make up for last night’s fiasco. His real-estate office, Ryan and Associates, occupied a quarter of the ground floor in a modern, three-story office building in a thriving, commercial section of Long Beach. The large suite of rooms was tastefully decorated in classic white antique furniture and upholstered armchairs, accented by ornate gold-leaf mirrors, bold, bright Cezanne prints and plush ivory carpets. It was an office that looked and smelled of success. Michael had a knack for making everything he touched seem wonderfully luxurious and appealing; no wonder he was a natural at selling houses.

Julie walked straight back to Michael’s private office with the deliberate, self-assured stride of a woman who knew she had every right to be here. After all, her husband owned the place. This was in a sense her company, too. She had a stake in it, a right to be here. That’s what she told herself every time she came in, every time she found herself feeling ill at ease in the midst of Michael’s perfectly ordered world.