Emma Miller - Redeeming Grace

Susanna hummed as she worked, but her older sister was clearly out of sorts. After a while, Grace took a deep breath and peered over the clothesline at Johanna. “I don’t blame you,” she said in a low voice.

Silence.

“I can see how it would be upsetting,” Grace went on. “Me coming here.”

Johanna reached down for a boy’s pair of blue trousers. “If you must know, I’m not sure I believe you. I don’t want to see my mother hurt.”

Grace felt her cheeks burning. She’d expected her stepmother to be the one who would try to deny her, not a sister. Not that Grace had even expected a sister. She’d never allowed herself to think any further than finding her father and hoping he’d claim her. Oh, there had been a family in the background in her daydreams, sort of a shadowy idea of younger brothers, but never in a million years had she considered that she’d find seven sisters.

And Johanna had been a surprise. She and Johanna looked so much alike, almost like twins, although Grace was shorter and skinnier. It was weird to Grace, seeing a stranger who looked so much like the face she saw in the mirror every time she brushed her teeth. And their light auburn hair, a shade you didn’t often see, was exactly the same color that Marg had said that Grace’s father’s had been.

“Trudie’s man was a ginger-haired, blue-eyed Amish hottie,” Marg had told her.

Grace was so sorry she’d never get the chance to meet Jonas. It wasn’t fair. But when had life ever been fair to her?

“Think what you want about me,” Grace said stubbornly to Johanna. “I’m here, and I’m just as much Jonas’s daughter as you are.”

“Maybe,” Johanna said. “That remains to be seen.”

“What are you arguing about?” Susanna demanded, pulling the clothesline down so she could see them over a row of towels. “Don’t be mean, Johanna.”

“I’m not being mean.”

“Are, too.” Susanna planted her chubby hand on one hip and stuck out her chin. “Mam said be nice to Grace. She’s our sister.”

“She might be our sister, but she might not, Susanna Banana. She might be a stranger just pretending to be our sister.”

Susanna shook her head. “I like her, and I like Dakota.”

“But what if she’s trying to trick us, just saying she’s our sister?” Johanna argued.

“Doesn’t matter,” Susanna said firmly. “Maybe God wanted her to come here. She needs us.” Her head bobbed. “Ya, and maybe we need her. It doesn’t matter if she’s a real sister. She can be one, if we want her to, can’t she?”

Grace turned toward Susanna as tears gathered in her eyes. “Thank you,” she managed, before dashing across the grass and back into the house. She wanted to go into her room, to fling herself on the bed, shut the door and try to reason this all out. She didn’t trust herself to talk to Hannah or anyone else until she’d regained her composure.

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked as Grace came in the back door.

Grace rubbed at her eyes and sniffed. “Nothing. Must be allergic to something.”

“Ya,” Hannah agreed. “Must be.”

“This is hard,” Grace admitted, folding her arms over her chest and looking down at the floor. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

“It is going to be hard for all of us. Maybe Johanna most of all.” She glanced at the two children who were busily sorting wooden animals in a toy ark in the center of the floor. “Come with me.” She motioned, and Grace followed her into what appeared to be a big pantry off the kitchen. “So the children won’t hear,” she said quietly. “Don’t be too quick to judge Johanna. She has a good heart, but she’s had a hard time these last few years. She is a widow, too. Did you know?”

Grace shook her head. “No.” So Johanna had lost her man, too? It was creepy how much alike they were. “I’m sorry to hear it.”

“He was sick...in his mind,” Hannah explained. “Wilmer took his own life. Johanna couldn’t manage their farm on her own, so she came home to live with us. For a long time, things were not good with her and Wilmer, and she finds it hard to trust people.”

Grace nodded. “I can understand that.”

“The two of you have common ground,” Hannah said. “You both have small children that you love. It’s a place to start, ne?”

“Maybe.” Grace sighed. “But why can’t she be like Susanna and just accept me for who I am?”

Hannah smiled. “We should all be like our Susanna. She is one of God’s special people. She was born with a heart overflowing with joy.”

“You believe me, don’t you? That I’m Jonas’s daughter?”

The older woman hesitated only a second. “Ya, I do.”

“Then...” She peered into Hannah’s eyes, thinking about plan B. This was it. This was her opportunity to speak up. “Can we stay—at least for a little while? I won’t be a burden, I promise. I’ll get a job and pay room and board, and I’ll pitch in like everyone else.” She glanced at her feet, then raised her head, her eyes wet with tears. “But I need to be here.”

“You can stay as long as you like.”

Grace looked into Hannah’s eyes. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth last night. About coming here.”

The older woman’s face didn’t change.

“I did come here to find my father. To meet him. But also...” She thought of Dakota and the life she’d led, the life she didn’t want for her son. That was what gave her the strength to spit it out. “I came to Seven Poplars to tell my father that I want to be Amish. Like him.”

Hannah looked away. “Oh my, Grace.” She sighed.

“It’s not impossible, is it?” Grace went on. “Especially because my father—and technically Trudie— were Amish?”

Hannah turned back to her and smiled wryly. “It’s not so easy. Sometimes Englishers say they want to be like us, but the world calls to them, too loudly.”

“I’ve seen the world,” Grace insisted. “It’s too loud.”

Again Hannah smiled. And this time she patted Grace’s arm. “Best you stay awhile and see if this is the life for you before you make big decisions like that. But whatever you choose, you and Dakota will still be family.”

“But I’ve already thought about this for a long time.” Grace tried not to sound whiny like Dakota sometimes did. Now that she had plan B straight in her head, she wanted to put it into place. “Being Amish feels right.”

“First, you live with us and see how you like it. See if it still feels right to you once you’ve walked in our shoes. In time, if you still think this is the life you would choose, we’ll talk to the bishop and see what he says. But first, you must learn gelassenheit, the ability to submit your will to that of the elders, the church and the community.”

“I will! I’ll do anything you say, if only you won’t turn us away.”

Hanna studied Grace closely. “Can you turn your back on the world? Can you give up your automobiles, your television programs, your telephones and live a Plain life?”

“I can. I promise you that that’s what I want.”

Hannah took her hands. “Then we will try, together. And may the Lord help and guide us every step of the way.”

Chapter Four

“Wake up, Schweschder,” Susanna called, pushing open Grace’s bedroom door. “Wait till you see! Mam sent you new clothes. And Plain clothes for Dakota, too.”

Grace stifled a groan. Surely it couldn’t be time to get up yet. It wasn’t even light out. How was Susanna always so happy this early in the morning? Still, Susanna had called her sister, and the word glowed warm in Grace’s heart. At least someone thought she belonged here.

Susanna placed a kerosene lamp carefully on the dresser, and a circle of soft yellow light spread across the room. “Mam says it’s time to get up.”