Lois Richer - Yuletide Proposal

“I’ll talk to Cory,” she promised and left.

Brianna breathed deeply as she headed back to the clinic. Once there she paused a moment to study the exterior of the building that housed Whispering Hope Clinic and to remember how the dream had started. Jessica’s cancer had been diagnosed too late because of a doctor shortage in Hope. As they watched the disease decimate her, Jessica’s sister, Jaclyn, Brianna and their friend Shay had made a pact to one day return to this little town in New Mexico and open a medical clinic for kids to ensure no child ever went without help again. Jaclyn was now the pediatric physician at Whispering Hope Clinic. Brianna was a child psychologist and hopefully Shay would soon join them to offer physiotherapy.

Brianna’s mother had never understood how deeply Jessica’s death had affected her daughter, or how that death had prompted Brianna to volunteer in the hospital’s children’s ward. But it was there Brianna had learned to listen. That’s what she’d been doing on the school steps one afternoon with Shay and Jaclyn. A teacher had later commented on her ability to encourage, and then urged Brianna to consider becoming a counselor. Desperate to escape her mother’s expectation that she take over the family business, Brianna focused on her own plan—attend college, get her doctorate and return to Hope to keep her vow. Her mother’s refusal to help her reach that goal sent Brianna to seek help from the smartest kid in school, Zac. Once she’d thought he loved her but his perfidy had sent her away from Hope and she’d struggled to achieve her goal on her own.

Now that she was finally back in Hope, fulfilling the dream she’d cherished for so long, Brianna could not afford to get sidetracked by handsome Zac Ender.

* * *

Zac ran every evening after sunset, when the community of Hope was nestled inside their houses with their families around them. Usually he used the lonely time to review his progress in reaching his goals. But tonight his thoughts wandered back ten years to a time when he’d been so certain life couldn’t get any better; when Brianna Benson said she loved him and he’d loved her.

Zac knew now that he’d been deceiving himself. What did he know about loving a woman? He hadn’t had a father growing up, nobody to teach him anything about relationships, especially how to be the kind of husband Brianna needed. He’d always had a social disadvantage. Those first few years after the car accident that had killed his father had left Zac so badly injured he’d had to endure ten years of surgeries just to walk again. Maybe that’s when the lingering feelings of abandonment had taken root; maybe he was a loner because he’d never had a role model to show him how to become a man who could open up to a woman, to expose his deepest fears and his worst scars and trust that she would still care for him in spite of everything. Maybe that lack of inner harmony was why he never felt God had any particular use for a man like Zac Ender.

But for that tiny space in time ten years ago, Zac had believed marriage to pretty Brianna was the answer to his prayers. Then, her long, coffee-colored curls had framed her heart-shaped face. Her perfect white smile had engaged everyone and her hazel eyes had sparkled gold glints in their green depths as she’d cheered him on. Zac had bought into her dream that he could finally shed his inhibitions and open up to people as she did, without freezing up. For a little while he imagined it was possible to shed the inner lack of confidence which had branded him a laughingstock from the first awkward day his health had improved so much he’d finally been granted permission to quit homeschooling. He’d walked into Miss Latimer’s seventh-grade math class full of excitement and found he couldn’t answer a question he’d studied two years earlier. Instead he’d stuttered and stammered until Miss Latimer had called on someone else. Even now, all these years later, the sting of the other kids’ snickers and scorn still caused a mental flinch. As time passed, Zac had accepted their branding of the nerd who never fit in.

But in college, Brianna tantalized him with a self-concept that hinted at the possibility of him becoming poised and able to communicate in any situation. Though Zac had improved his communication skills thanks to Brianna’s tutelage, he now recognized that back then, inside, in the recesses of his heart, he’d never outgrown being that ashamed, embarrassed kid who couldn’t use words to express what was on his mind. Secretly, even then, he’d always feared that one day the vivacious, energetic and exuberant Brianna would realize he could never be the outgoing husband she wanted, that God simply hadn’t made him that way. The day her dad told him Brianna had run away from their wedding, the bubble of Zac’s pretend world burst.

Now, ten years later, Brianna had changed, and not just by cutting her hair into a pixie style that framed her face and made her eyes the focal point. Zac had changed, too. He knew who he was and exactly what his failings were. He was a nerd and he didn’t fit in. God didn’t mean for him to be a missionary or a minister. He didn’t gift Zac with social abilities. Zac still struggled to speak in public. Certainly God didn’t expect him to express his faith publicly, other than by attending church. Zac had no illusions about God ever turning him into a public figure. But Zac had a plan. And he’d done what he planned, gotten his degrees, advanced his career. He’d set very high goals for himself. None of them included romance. He had no intention of failing twice.

But now Zac had reached all his objectives save one. It was time to climb the final rung and prove to the world that nerd or not, Zac Ender wasn’t a failure. It was time to make his move from delivering education to formulating curriculum. To do that, he needed success. He’d chosen Hope High School as his proving ground.

Success in the only field he was good at was achievable, particularly if he could get Brianna’s help.

Zac thought he’d feel awkward with her today. But after the first few moments he hadn’t. It seemed natural to seek the opinion of the school division’s psychologist about a matter relating to school issues. He’d kept things cool and businesslike between them. No emotion, no harking back to their past mistake.

Until she’d made that comment “How come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”

Zac jogged up his driveway and made his way to the back deck. He stretched out, gasping for breath as her words played over and over. Finally, when his breath evened, when he’d settled into a patio chair with a bottle of water and still no explanation for her comment arose, he decided it didn’t matter.

Their past was over and so was any relationship he’d had with Brianna. It was the future he had to focus on. He didn’t intend to waste a second of it rehashing who had done what. She’d come home to Hope. At the first job opportunity Zac intended to leave.

In the meantime he would seek Brianna’s help for the school, he’d work toward straightening out her son, but he would not allow any of his old feelings for her to take root. He couldn’t. Because some things never changed.

Ten years had proven nerdy Zac Ender was still not the man Brianna Benson wanted.

Chapter Two

“I’m leaving now, RaeAnn—”

Brianna stopped midsentence, surprised to see Zac in her office doorway.

“Hi.” He grinned.

“Hello. Uh, I’m just on my way to the nursing home. Mom needs...” She frowned. “Did we have an appointment?”

“No.” Zac turned, picked up something and carried it in. “Since you declined my offer of lunch, twice in the past two days, I might add,” he reminded, one eyebrow arched, “I figured you must be too busy to go out, so I brought lunch to you.” He set the basket on her desk and began unloading it. “Voilà.”