Lois Richer - Yuletide Proposal

“It was always too hard to talk about. I wanted to forget it.” She gulped, forced herself to continue the sad story. “Remember the rehearsal dinner?”

“Like I could forget that—all eleven courses.” Jaclyn grimaced.

“There weren’t eleven!” Brianna argued. “But my mother did have to make her only daughter’s wedding an extravaganza.”

“Go on.”

“After the rehearsal dinner I hadn’t seen Zac for a while so I went looking for him. He and my mother were by the hotel pool.” Brianna bit her lip. “I overheard them talking. He accepted her offer of a teaching job in Hope for two years. Without even talking to me, he accepted.”

“But how could—?” Jaclyn’s furrowed brow smoothed. “Oh, I remember now. Your mom was elected chairman of the school board that year, wasn’t she?”

“Yes. And she had the store, of course.” Brianna swallowed hard. “I heard Zac tell her he was worried about supporting me. Remember I couldn’t find a job that summer. As my mother said many times, I returned to Hope with a useless undergrad degree.” Bitterness ate another hole inside.

“She never understood how much psychology meant to you, did she?”

“She always said I should get over Jessica’s death, like it was a skinned knee or something.” Brianna bit her lip. “It hurt so badly to lose her. I couldn’t just forget her or that her death might have been prevented if better medical care had been available in Hope.”

“Nor could I,” Jaclyn murmured.

“Anyway that night Mom preyed on Zac’s fears.” Brianna needed to get this out and let go of it. “She convinced Zac we should stay in Hope by guaranteeing him a job and telling him that I’d have work in her store while he taught. She said we’d be able to save faster for our PhDs.”

“Baloney.” Jaclyn snorted. “She was always after you to take over her store. She couldn’t accept your refusal so she decided to bribe your fiancé to get her way.”

“Exactly. I couldn’t believe Zac agreed with her that I should work in the store. He knew as well as you did how useless I felt in that place. I was never into home decor. I had no knack for furniture styles or placement. Still don’t,” Brianna admitted. “The only thing I enjoyed about that store was the fabrics, hence my love of quilts.”

“Did you talk to Zac about it?”

“I tried on the way home after the party. I asked why he’d accepted the job without talking to me. He was surprised that I was angry about it. He thought I’d be glad that we wouldn’t have to go into a lot of debt for our degrees.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and inhaled to ease the stress of those horrible moments. “He said I’d probably end up reconsidering my decision to do a doctorate anyway once we had a family.”

“Shades of male machismo.” Jaclyn’s face tightened.

“No. He wasn’t being macho. I don’t think he honestly believed I was as committed as he was.” Brianna sighed. “I was stunned by what he said. Weeks of him falling in with my mother’s suggestions and not standing up for me—I’d been having doubts about getting married and I told him so. But he apologized, convinced me that he loved me, that he only wanted what was best for us.”

“So you decided to go through with the wedding.”

“Yes. But I was furious. When I got home, I told my mother I knew she’d gone behind my back to coerce Zac into accepting that job.” Brianna tried to make her friend understand. “She knew we’d planned to get jobs in the city where we could still take night classes because I’d gone to great lengths to explain our plans to my parents. Zac and I had put months of thought into it because I’d insisted we have our game plan in place before we ever came to Hope for the wedding. She knew that plan and she deliberately ruined it.”

Jaclyn squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Tell me the rest.”

“Eventually my mother admitted asking Zac’s mom to say she was too ill to travel for the wedding so we’d have to come here to get married. It was all part of her plan. Zac and I, we were just pawns.”

There was nothing Jaclyn could say.

“I asked her why she’d done it. Do you know what she said?” The protective barrier she’d maintained for so many years was breached as tears welled. Brianna made no attempt to stop them. “My mother claimed she’d done it to help me. She said Zac told her he was worried I’d never be able to support myself, that he felt I was holding him back. She said Zac’s mom was afraid I might derail his goal to get his PhD. My mother insisted she couldn’t stand by and watch me lose him. The way she put it, I began to believe she was right, that for Zac’s sake I needed to stay and work in the store.”

“Oh, Brianna. I wish you’d called me.”

“I wish I had, too. But I was so confused. And Mom just kept piling it on. I was a weight on Zac’s back, but she said she would rescue me. She would make me assistant manager at her store. I’d run things and she’d take a break once in a while.”

“That wouldn’t have happened. She always had to be the boss.” Jaclyn bit her lip. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s true.” Brianna swallowed. “Anyway, she said I had to prove to Zac that I didn’t need him to be responsible for me, so he wouldn’t feel I was—let’s see, ‘a chain around his neck’ was the way she put it. She said that maybe then he wouldn’t resent me.”

Jaclyn made a face. “And Zac? You did talk to him about it?”

“After my argument with my mother I called him. He said she was right, that he had been worried but he wasn’t now that he had the job. He said it was better to stay in Hope and save.” Brianna pursed her lips. “He even suggested we consider moving in with one or the other of our parents to cut costs further.”

Jaclyn groaned.

“I was reeling.” Brianna tried to smile. “All our plans were out the window. I just wanted him to reassure me. But Zac was really worried about the financial aspect of both of us returning to school. He even said he was glad I was willing to do my share. As if I was some kind of leech!”

“He was probably just nervous. Zac was never great with words,” Jaclyn reminded.

“He repeated over and over that he was glad I’d finally be working,” Brianna sputtered. “And he kept babbling about getting his PhD as soon as possible. He sounded as if he thought I’d ask him to give up his dream.”

“He used to bore us to tears with that PhD dream sometimes, didn’t he? But I’m sure he loved you,” Jaclyn consoled.

“Well, I wasn’t so sure. And the more my mother talked to me, the less sure I became. She played me like a fiddle, Jaclyn.” Brianna sighed. “I finally decided she was right, that I was holding back the man I loved and that I needed to give up my own dream to help Zac. So I agreed to work in her store.”

Jaclyn frowned. “But you didn’t stay, Brianna. You left.”

“Yes.” Brianna couldn’t stop her tears. A bitter smile rose from the cauldron of bitterness simmering inside. “Zac phoned me the next morning to tell me of my mother’s suggestion that we cut our honeymoon short so I could start work early, as thanks for the elaborate wedding that I never wanted.”

Jaclyn’s face expressed her disgust.

“I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. He sounded hurt. He was only trying to help make it easier for me, he said. It would be a sacrifice but sometimes sacrifices were necessary. I told him I felt I was making all the sacrifices and he said that he was sacrificing, too, by having to put off his doctorate. We argued a bit, made up and I hung up. Then my mother appeared with a list she’d made of my future duties and responsibilities at the store and a contract.”