Cindi Myers - Men at Work - Through the Roof / Taking His Measure / Watching It Go Up

Marina gasped. “My boobs are natural!”

“Yeah, just like my tiny waist. Save it,” said Chloe, around a huge forkful of Marsha Marsha Marshmallow. “I’ve seen the scars under your arms, remember?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Marina sucked at least three ounces of cabernet through the pink straw.

“Ice cream,” said Chloe, “doesn’t make you drunk.”

But Marina was determined to think of the stuff in the grossest possible way so she wouldn’t want it and it would not go straight to her thighs. “Why not just crawl under a cow, suck on its hairy udder and then squirt chocolate syrup into your mouth?”

Chloe set down her pint and eyed her with distaste. “Just because you won’t eat any does not give you the right to ruin my enjoyment of Ben & Jerry’s forever. Now, be quiet.”

“Yes, ma’am. Wait—isn’t this my house? My kitchen? My cow-free domain?” She yelped as Chloe came at her with the fork.

“Be nice. Be a good hostess. You invited me over—”

“Actually, I didn’t.”

“So tell me what happened with Ben and we’ll figure out how to fix it.”

Marina hunched her shoulders and stuck out her lower lip. She twisted the hem of her ratty T-shirt as she walked into the living room, dominated by white leather furniture and a breathtaking view of Biscayne Bay. “Ben says he loves me, but he hates my money.”

Chloe nodded as Marina kicked an ottoman with her bare foot and set down her wine.

“After all the guys who have been thrilled to date a rich woman with her own jet, I have to fall for the one guy who is uncomfortable with my filthy lucre!”

Chloe curled up in a big armchair with her ice cream and fork. “I have the perfect solution—give it to me.” She grinned.

“I should. I’d be a happier person and I wouldn’t have to keep on firing employees who steal from me.”

“Not another one.”

Marina nodded. “But this one’s a single mom, and I just can’t make myself pull the trigger. I know her daughter since she’s in school with my cousin’s daughter.”

“Okay, one problem at a time. We cannot solve them all in a day. What happened with Ben?”

Marina crawled onto the couch. “I tracked him down at one of Mathew Tremaine’s construction sites and we, um, had a chat.”

“ A chat ,” Chloe repeated, in disbelieving tones.

“It was all very civilized—”

“Yeah, right.” Her friend smirked. “How many times did you hit him? What names did you call him?”

“But he won’t change his mind. And I don’t know what to do.” She looked sadly down at her engagement ring, which Ben must have saved for two years to buy. It was a two-carat, pearshaped diamond that she’d simply forgotten to throw at him earlier in the day. She’d have to remedy that, but the thought depressed her even more.

The wine had made her emotional, because when she looked up again at Chloe her eyes streamed. “What can I do, Chlo?”

Her friend jumped up, set down her ice cream and gathered her into her arms. “Oh, honey. Is it really the money that’s bothering him? Or is it…” She paused and, uncharacteristically, stepped delicately. “Is it maybe your lifestyle that intimidates him?”

“What do you mean? I’m just a normal person.”

Chloe took a deep breath. “No, Marina, you’re not. I hate to break it to you, but most women can’t afford three-hundreddollar monthly highlights, six-hundred-dollar shoes or cute little custom-painted jets that take them to Paris at a moment’s notice.”

“You think he’d change his mind if I flew coach? Went to Super Cuts? Shopped at Payless?” Marina sucked the last of her wine through the crazy-straw.

“Well, I’m not sure it’s that simple, but maybe. I think your money intimidates Ben. Makes him feel like he’ll never make enough to be able to compete.”

Marina threw up her hands. “I don’t want him to compete! I don’t need him to compete.”

“Honey, you’re not getting what I’m saying. I’ll be blunt. Your financial situation makes Ben feel like he has a small penis.”

Marina gaped at her. “Ben Delgado is hung like a horse!”

Chloe closed her eyes and stuck her fingers in her ears. “Too much information!”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought up the topic of penises.” Marina pinched at the flesh of her thigh. “Do you think I need liposuction?”

“ No! ” yelled Chloe. “You need brain suction. See, this is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.”

“What is?”

“Normal women do not just go have liposuction on a whim. They save up for it for months, or run up their credit cards and have to pay them off slowly. It’s a big deal, not a narcissistic whim!”

Marina’s mouth trembled. “You’re saying I’m narcissistic?”

“No, no, no. Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetie. All I’m saying is that maybe you’re a teeny, tiny bit, um, self-absorbed. Just with the whole beauty thing—not in other areas.”

“Self-absorbed,” Marina repeated. “Ouch. I think you’ve officially hurt my feelings, Chlo.”

“Stop. Be hurt later. Right now we have to discuss this, if you love Ben and you want to hang on to him. He is in crisis at the moment, and you’re talking about your thighs!”

“But maybe that’s why he dumped me—guys don’t dump women who look perfect.”

“Yes, they do! Ben loves the Marina Reston who reads to sick kids in the hospital and speaks to the state legislature about education and public after-school programs. He loves the woman who endows thirty charities and has trouble firing a single mom.

“Ben does not love the woman who won’t eat even a tablespoon of ice cream and inspects her butt with a hand mirror every night, checking for dimples!”

“Who told you that?”

Relentless, Chloe forged on. “Ben does not love the Marina Reston who is obsessed with her appearance to the point of ridicule and spends a hundred-thousand dollars a year maintaining it—”

“I do not spend anywhere near that amount!”

“Add up the receipts for the clothes, the jewelry, the massages, the hair, the nails, the facials, the treatments and the cosmetic surgeries. Seriously, Marina, add them up and then ask yourself why Ben might be intimidated at the thought of marriage to you.”

“But I don’t ask him to pay for any of it,” Marina wailed.

“That’s not the point. The point is that he couldn’t if he wanted to. Men like to know they can keep their women happy. And I think he’s afraid that if you lost all your money tomorrow on the stock exchange, he wouldn’t be able to keep you happy.”

“So what are you saying?”

Chloe shrugged. “What do you think I’m saying? Prove to him that you can live without any of it.”

Marina stared at her, appalled. Life without massages and facials and trips to Paris?

Then she thought about the alternative: life without Ben. That was much, much worse.

She got up and padded into the kitchen, where she stared at the other three melting pints of ice cream with forks in them. She pulled the fork out of the Coffee Heath Bar Crunch and licked it. Then she licked the other two and put them all in the sink.

Marina put the lids back on two of the pints and stuck them in the freezer. But the vanilla? That she poured into a mug, which she took back into the living room.

She stared at Chloe glumly. “Do you know how to have a garage sale?”

5

TWO DAYS LATER, Ben pulled his Chevy work truck into Marina’s circular driveway on Key Biscayne and stared. A massive yellow moving van blocked his way, and it did not appear that his darling had simply ordered five suites of new furniture. No, small herds of men were removing her things from her two-story Mediterranean and a four-by-six sign announced that the house was for rent. What the hell?