Rebecca Winters - Will You Marry Me? - A Marriage Made in Italy / The Courage To Say Yes / The Matchmaker's Happy Ending

Luciana had lived through a nightmare, and had gone on to make a home for his father and the boys despite Leon’s antipathy. An unfamiliar sense of shame for his behavior over those early years crept into his psyche. He was now paying the price.

“Their goodness to you needs to be rewarded,” he murmured, still trying to digest everything.

“Sometimes I felt guilty for wanting to know about my parents when the sisters tried so hard to keep our spirits up. When Cliff asked me why I wanted to find someone who didn’t want me, I told him it wasn’t important if they didn’t want me. I just needed to know who I am and where I came from. But I’m not your responsibility, and I’ve taken up too much of your time as it is.”

She pushed herself away from the table and stood up. “Now that I have answers to those questions, I can go back to New York. Needless to say, I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life. Thank you for bringing me to your villa, and please thank the cook for the wonderful food. If you’ll drive me back to the library, I’d be very grateful.”

Leon got to his feet. “We haven’t even scratched the surface yet.”

“Yes, we have. You and I both know there are reasons why she gave me up. I would never want to cause her pain by showing up uninvited and unwanted.”

“You could never be unwanted!” he declared. He refused to believe it, but that was the father in him speaking, the father who idolized his little girl. Ever since Belle was born, she’d never known the love of her own parents. He couldn’t fathom it.

CHAPTER THREE

“YOU SAY THAT with such fervency, Leon, but we know the facts, don’t we. My mother came back to Italy and married your father. Unless you’re aware of other information, I’m sure she has never tried to find me.”

“I have no idea and neither do you. Nevertheless—”

“Nevertheless, she and your father have made a life for themselves,” Belle interrupted. “Last year I went to the orphanage for a final time to beg them to tell me something about my roots. I had a talk with the sister in charge.” The tremor in Belle’s voice penetrated to Leon’s insides.

“What did she say to you?”

“She told me she wasn’t at liberty to tell me anything, because my adoption was a closed case. Then she handed me a pamphlet to read. It was called ‘A Practical Guide for the Adopted Child.’ The material was based on research gathered by the psychiatric community. She said we’d discuss it after I’d finished it.”

“And did you?”

“Yes!” she cried. “The whole brochure described me so perfectly, I went into shock.”

“Explain what you mean.”

She moistened her lips nervously. “I’ve always had issues of self-esteem. Not to know who you are because you were given up for adoption means you don’t have an identity. All my life I’ve wanted to know if I looked like my birth parents, or acted like them.

“What if I had sisters and brothers I knew nothing about? What if I came from a large family with half siblings or extended family I would never meet or get to know? It used to drive me crazy, wondering.”

“Belle...at least now you know you have a mother and a stepfamily who are very much alive.”

“Yes,” she whispered, staring blindly out to sea. “If I do meet her I’ll be able to learn about my birth father. I longed for a father, too, and spent many hours daydreaming about him. But I’m terrified, Leon, because I was abandoned. Being abandonable meant I wasn’t good enough to be kept and loved. That’s a very hard thing to accept.”

What she was telling Leon made him sick inside. “Since you don’t know the circumstances of being left at the orphanage, don’t you realize your adoptive father and brother have contributed to a lot of those negative feelings?”

“Of course.” She took a shaky breath. “But to meet my own birth mother after all this time and find out from her own lips I hadn’t been loved or wanted would shatter me. I don’t know if I could handle it. The risk is too great.”

Leon shook his head. “That’s not going to happen to you. If you could see the loving way Luciana treats people...” Luciana was very loving to his daughter when he took Concetta over for visits. “You would see that your mother has an innate tenderness that goes soul deep.” Leon had seen and felt it, but in the beginning he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it.

“Even so, I know I’m setting myself up to learn that everything I’ve ever thought or dreamed of about her and my father won’t be as I assumed. You’ve told me she hasn’t had other children, but she’s a princess who has lived a life completely different from mine in every way, shape and form. The chances of her even wanting to meet the daughter she gave up are astronomical.”

“That’s not true. You don’t know her as I do.”

“I know you want to believe she’ll be happy to see me, but you can’t know what’s deep in her heart. And there’s your father to consider. The more I know about her and their life, the more I fear a permanent reunion could never be realized.”

“It’s true I don’t know her inner thoughts.” Leon’s mind reeled when he compared the two women’s worlds. And he had no idea how his father would react upon hearing the news that Luciana’s daughter was in Rimini.

“Even if she’s willing to meet me, how will she handle it? She thought she gave me up and would never see me again. Even if meeting me could satisfy the question of what happened to me, it wouldn’t solve the issues she had for giving me up in the first place.

“What if seeing me exacerbates problems that bring new heartache?” Belle sounded frantic. “This meeting might result in trouble between her and your father, and they’ll wish this had never happened...”

She wheeled around, her face white as parchment. Tears glistened like diamonds on those pale cheeks. “What if I brought on a crisis like that?”

Tortured by the fear and pain in her voice, Leon reached for her and rocked her in his arms like he would Concetta when she was upset and frightened. “Shhh. That’s not going to happen, Belle. I swear it.” He kissed her hair and forehead without thinking.

“I—I don’t want it to happen, but you can’t guarantee anything.”

Much as Leon hated to admit it, everything she’d revealed from her heart and soul made a hell of a lot of sense. But suddenly he had other things on his mind. When he’d pulled her to him, his only thought had been to comfort her. Yet the feel of her curves against his body invaded his senses, sending a quickening through him, one so powerful he needed to put her away from him. As gently as he could, he let go of her.

Belle took a step back before looking up at him through red-rimmed eyes. “The sister warned me my time would be better served by getting on with my own life rather than wasting it trying to find my birth mother, who obviously didn’t want to be found.

“I left the orphanage with the renewed resolve to get on with my career and put my dreams away. Then came the moment in the attorney’s office when Cliff made that slip about my birth mother being Italian.”

“A providential slip, in my opinion,” Leon muttered. He was beginning to believe some unseen power had been at work on both sides of the Atlantic. Otherwise how could he account for going to her pension to talk to her, when normally he would have left it alone?

“I agree, Leon. The second it happened, I ignored the sister’s warning and the words in the pamphlet. I thought I knew better, and left for Italy, determined to keep looking. Now I wish I’d listened to her.”

To his consternation, Leon was thankful she hadn’t obeyed the sister in charge.