Laura Drake - Against The Odds

“I don’t even know you.” She slapped a hand over her mouth, as if shocked at her own abruptness.

“I get that, but—”

“I mean, you don’t ever talk, in group.” Those ice-blue eyes probed his face, looking for a crack to get into. “How can you expect people to feel comfortable around you, if you just sit and glare at us?”

He could give a crap if anyone was comfortable around him. Except her. “Oh.”

“Excuse me.” She brushed by him.

The Rani woman came around the corner, talking to the big woman in the shapeless dress, who walked head down, hair hiding her face.

He ducked into the room. What now, Slick?

It was pretty clear that he wouldn’t get closer to Hope without giving something up. But talking about himself in a group like this? He’d feel as though he was on a Dr. Phil show. No way. Not happening. He grabbed an empty chair and scooted it back from the circle.

Then slid it back in.

He sat, crickets playing “Dueling Banjos” in his stomach as the last two settled into the remaining chairs.

“Happy Monday, everyone,” Bina said. “Who would like to share first this morning?” She patted the soap opera lady’s hand. “Brenda? How about you?”

She just shook her head.

“Brenda, this is a safe space. Feel free to keep it to whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”

The woman pulled at her dress, trying to make it even looser. “I’m not from around here. My husband, Phil, got transferred to Vandenberg six months ago.”

“He’s in the air force?” Mark asked.

“No, he’s a civilian inventory management specialist.”

“Do you like it here, so far?” Bryan asked.

Hands in her lap, she picked at a cuticle. “It’s okay.”

“Why did the court mandate that you be here, Brenda?” Bina leaned forward, trying to get the woman to look at her. It didn’t work.

“I don’t know.”

Bear heard it only because she sat beside him.

“You’ll have to speak up, dear,” Bryan said.

“We’ve got bossy, nosy neighbors.” Her voice hovered, just above a whisper. “Phil, he gets mad sometimes.” She tucked a hank of hair behind her ear, eyes still on her lap. “For good reason. I... I’m kind of a mess.”

The group waited. Bear swore he could hear dust falling.

“What makes you say that, Brenda?” Bina asked.

She heaved a sigh, and rolled her eyes until they landed on Bina. “Oh, please. Just look at me. I’m fat, I’m ugly. I’m pretty useless.”

Bina frowned. “I don’t think that’s true. Tell me one good thing about yourself. Something you’re proud of.”

Brenda sat like a female Buddha, contemplating the meaning of the universe. Finally, she said, “I married well.”

“Really?” Mark said. “Pardon me for saying so, but your husband sounds like a major jerk.”

“You don’t even know him.” She glared across the circle. “See? This is what I knew would happen.”

“Why don’t you tell us about you, instead?” Bina jotted a note on the small notebook in her lap.

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us your happiest memory?”

When Brenda’s head lifted, the crease between her brows was gone, and she looked different.

He realized that it was her eyes. Well, not her eyes exactly, but it was as if she was looking out them instead of looking inward, for the first time since he’d seen her.

“I had a puppy once. He was sweet, and all mine.”

“What kind of dog was it?”

“Oh, I don’t know, just a mutt, mostly. I found him in a parking lot of a grocery store, digging in the trash for something to eat.”

“What did you name him?” Hope asked.

“Bucky.”

When Brenda smiled, Bear could see the woman behind all that fat and sadness. She was pretty.

“Bucky and me, we went everywhere together. He loved me.”

“Where is he now?”

The pretty woman dissolved into the washed-out housewife. “Oh, he died. It was a long time ago.”

Hope asked, “Why don’t you get another puppy?”

“Phil doesn’t like animals.” Brenda’s head dropped, and she started worrying her cuticle again. “Besides, he’s allergic.”

She should develop an allergy to Phil. Not that it’s any of my business.

“Thanks for sharing that, Brenda. It’s nice getting to know you a bit better.” Bina crossed her legs. “Who else would like to share?”

Bear almost squirmed in his chair, but caught himself in time. Say something. But what? Hope made it clear he was going to have to give to get. But what would constitute sharing, without revealing anything? Any thread he picked at could unravel his carefully woven blanket of solitude. And he couldn’t allow that to happen. He chewed his lip. What then?

“You are now looking at a retail adventure specialist,” Hope said.

“Hey, congrats,” Mark said.

“That’s the job you wanted, right?” Bina watched Hope from under one raised eyebrow.

“Yes. I start later today. I’m manning the register to start, but I’m going to take lessons in three adventure sports, to better be able to sell the equipment.”

“You’re not going to skydive, are you?” Bryan’s long-fingered hand splayed on his chest. “I’m terrified of heights.”

The kid looked so aghast, Bear couldn’t help it—he chuckled.

Bryan shot him a glare.

“No way. I’m looking for adventure, not terror.” Her fond smile, aimed Bryan’s way, pinched Bear. “No, I think I’m going to start with surfing. It looks so... I don’t know, freeing. You’re riding a force of nature, harnessing the power for your own happiness. You’ve got to feel free then, wouldn’t you think?”

The longing made her face glow. It pulled words out of him. “That’s what it feels like, when I’m on my bike.”

Bina jumped in, fast. “How so?”

“Well, you’re not harnessing nature, but you’re out in it—almost a part of it. You smell what’s in the wind, feel the flow of the land underneath you. The changes in temperature, the weather. It affects you in ways there aren’t words for. You can only feel it.”

“It sounds amazing.” When Hope turned that fond smile on him, it warmed him. Or maybe it was embarrassment. Or both. He ducked his head. “It is.”

“Tell us something else about you, Bear.” Bina’s voice was soft, but it poked him.

“I have a business, doing custom paint jobs, out of my barn.”

“Cool,” Mark said. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

“My dad had a repair shop when I was growing up. He hated painting. Turned out, I liked it. So I took over that part.” He checked the clock on the wall over the door. Five more minutes. Surely he could keep this up that long. Surely Hope would consider this “sharing.”

“Why did you join the army, Bear?” Bina only sounded innocent.

He shrugged. “Those people brought their shit to my country. Thought I’d give a little of it back.”

“Wooah,” Mark said.

“Amen, brother.”

Bryan rolled his eyes.

“I understand you were a ranger.” Bina consulted her little notebook. “A sniper, is that right?”

He ground his teeth. She couldn’t lead him anywhere he didn’t want to go. He glanced at Hope. She nodded, encouraging him. How had he walked into this ambush?

Bryan’s strident voice broke the silence. “What I’d like to know is why he was in prison.”

CHAPTER SIX

THE LIGHT LEFT Hope’s face. Along with most of the color. “Prison?”

Brenda, the soap opera queen flinched.

Mark leaned back in his chair. “Dude.”

So much for not sharing. Outed by a gay guy—the ultimate irony. Son of a bitch. Noticing his clenched fists, Bear forced his hands to relax. His temper would do more than cost him a customer, here.