Lindsay McKenna - Night Hawk

“Find what you need?”

Kai gasped, jerking up and whirling around. Gil stood there, the sunlight backlit around him, darkening him. “God!” she whispered, her hand flying to her throat, “you scared the hell out of me!” Kai reminded herself he was black ops and, of course, she wouldn’t hear him approach her.

“Didn’t mean to,” Gil growled unhappily, apology in his tone.

Heart pounding, Kai didn’t want to be this close to Gil. He was a big man, thickly muscled, hard and powerful. She saw his eyes narrow upon her and then felt a bolt of heat from her breasts down to her lower body. Damn. The man could incite her body from simmer to boil in a split second. Scowling at him, she muttered, “Yes, I have everything I need.”

“Good. Let’s check this tractor first.”

Alarm spread through her. “I thought I was supposed to do this on my own.” Gulping, Kai just wanted to be left alone, not have him underfoot. When she saw him stare down at her, she snapped, “I know my job. You had something else to do? Right?”

Gil pushed up his Stetson with his gloved hand. “Did you get enough sleep last night?”

His growly demand only made her more surly. “That’s none of your damned business!” She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling beneath her denim jacket. His full mouth compressed into a hard line, his blue eyes glittering. She felt as if she was in combat mode with him. Well, wasn’t she?

Gil held up his hand. “We need to talk this out, Kai.”

Her nostrils flared with anger. “Yeah, you’re years too late!” Her hands fisted and unfisted at her sides. And, dammit, her voice was wobbling and she tried to shove down the nest of snakes in her gut crawling up to choke off her voice. “There’s nothing to talk about! You left. End of story!” Her breathing was rapid and choppy as she glared at him, hunched, as if getting ready to fight. But he wasn’t her enemy and Kai knew that. For a moment, the hardness melted in his face. His mouth softened a little as her voice grew strained with tears. Kai wasn’t going to cry! She was so angry at Gil that she wanted to slap his arrogant face. But there was no arrogance in his expression right now. His blue eyes were murky looking and it probably meant he was emotionally upset. Well, so was she!

Gil took a step back. He closed his eyes for a moment, then lifted his head and held her mutinous glare. “I didn’t know you were hired,” he admitted wearily.

“Yeah, and I bet if you had,” Kai said angrily, “you’d sure as hell have told Talon to pass on me. Wouldn’t you have?”

She saw the confusion in his face. Oh, Kai knew Gil could come clean and take off that damned game face he wore the way Sam had. But where Sam couldn’t let down his game face, she knew Gil could do it. And to her surprise, he was allowing her to see him. That shook her because she didn’t expect it. Especially right now. She saw him struggling, his expression ravaged.

“No,” he breathed in a gruff tone, “I would not have said anything to Talon. I know how good you are.”

She straightened, throwing back her shoulders, battling tears she refused to let fall. “I’ll bet.”

“I owe you an explanation.”

“Ya think? Gee, Gil, it must have been one helluva shock to you to see me here, huh? I’ll bet you thought life was rosy here on the Triple H until I stepped back into the picture.” Kai jerked off her gloves and threw them down on top of her metal toolbox. “Well, I don’t like this situation any more than you do. But you know what? I earned this position here at this ranch!” She jabbed her finger down at the wooden floor. Her voice was trembling with anger. “And you aren’t going to take it away from me! I’m damned good at what I do! You just need to stay as far away from me as you can get.” She pushed her fingers through her hair, glaring at him. “I don’t intend to tell anyone about us if that’s what got you worried. You go your way. I’ll go mine. I want nothing to do with you.” Her voice cracked. “Do you understand me, Gil? Do you?”

Gil nodded. “I’m sorry, Kai. It shouldn’t have happened. I know that now.” He gave her an apologetic look.

“If you think I’m going to stand here and listen to why you screwed me for five days and then left me without a word, you can forget it,” Kai whispered unsteadily. “You’ve hurt me enough, Gil. I was still hurting from Sam’s death. And then you walked in, devastated, asking for my help.” Kai choked, “You used me, Gil! You bastard! You used me!”

Wincing, Gil rubbed his jaw and his mouth tightened. “That’s not true, Kai—”

“Get out of here, Gil. Leave me alone! I’ll do my job and I’ll do it well. You’ll have no reason to worry I’ll do anything less than that.”

He stared at her, the whiteness in her face and the rage in her gray eyes making him wince. Gil knew better than to try to pursue any conversation with Kai right now. Hell, he deserved her rage. Every bit of it. “Okay,” he growled, “you’ll get your wish as much as possible. When I need to see you or talk with you, I will. Let’s keep it civil and we’ll just make the best of it.”

He stalked out of the barn, the thudding of his boots echoing throughout the building.

With a little sob, Kai turned away, a hand pressed against her mouth. She bent over, tears rushing down her drawn cheeks. She tried not to cry, but it was four years’ worth of hurt, grief and a broken heart that had built up within her. She crouched down by her toolbox, wanting to hide, her shoulders shaking violently as she sobbed into her hands, trying to stop the sounds from being heard by anyone. Her nose ran, and her tears flooded across her face. Damn Gil Hanford! The bastard knew when to take off his game face and look vulnerable. That is what had tricked her into feeling sorry for him, feeling... Oh, hell, feeling things she had felt guilty for feeling to this day.

Sam had been dead only a year. She’d grieved deeply for him, cried often and felt torn in half by his loss. But when Gil walked in, his eyes raw with grief and with tears in them, she had opened her heart and her arms to him. Because he’d been Sam’s best friend. And Gil had turned them into lovers within two heartbeats, his mouth curving powerfully across hers, taking her, making her body suddenly bloom beneath his life-altering kiss. No one had ever kissed her like Hanford had. No one. Not even Sam...

Kai finally dropped to her knees, rocking back on her heels, letting the flood of weeping sweep through her because she knew it was better to get it out than let it sit like a toxic waste dump inside her.

* * *

GIL TRIED TO steady his twisting emotions roaring through him. Dammit, he’d caused Kai to cry! He’d stood at the opening of the barn, halting, turning around, wanting to go back to her and explain everything. Take the responsibility for his actions. But when he heard her softened sobs, Jesus, it felt as if the invisible claws of a bald eagle had ripped into his chest and clutched his writhing heart in its sharp talons, shredding it. And he couldn’t go back in there to hold her like she deserved. Like he wanted to. This was such a FUBAR. Rubbing his chest beneath the black leather vest he wore over his dark green cowboy shirt, Gil wavered.

Just hearing Kai sob like a lost child, the sounds muted, almost unheard, tore him wide-open. His straight black brows drew downward and he felt miserable for her, not himself. Anything she had to dish out was his to take. Wiping his jaw, he sadly turned away, knowing that if he walked back in there to comfort her, Kai would lose it completely. The devastation in her face, the unconcealed hurt in her eyes, made him bleed.

As he slowly walked down the slope, he searched frantically to somehow fix what he’d destroyed within Kai. She hadn’t deserved this in any way. She’d been a loyal, loving wife to his best friend, Sam. And Gil had seen the love she had for Sam in her beautiful gray eyes. And how many times had Gil ached to see her look at him that way? Rubbing his chest again because the agony bursting through his chest made him feel miserable, Gil knew what he’d done to her had been wrong. It had been utterly selfish.