Madelynne Ellis - Come Undone

Her body went limp. Her mouth opened, allowing him to slide his tongue inside. No one had ever really kissed her like this before. She’d never desired them to. Normally, kissing seemed quite messy and silly, a bit slobbery and gross.

Xane rewrote the experience as a new and fabulous thing, possessed of subtleties and glorious sensuality. He led her in a merry breathless dance, their tongues duelling for long precious moments.

Xane held himself above her, his body stretched out, though she couldn’t recall him taking that position. He just seemed to arrive, and it felt right.

Not that they were touching anywhere save their lips and where his hand cupped her head.

When he finally pulled away, Dani looked up at him with her mouth open. She wanted more. No pretences. He could sink right down onto her – into her, even, maybe … Her gaze strayed along the length of his body, taking in the tautly drawn muscles that she longed to explore.

What if she actually put her hands on him? Touched the firm stretch of skin between his belly button and the top of his fly? Something about that part of a man fascinated her.

Xane was breathing hard. His gaze locked upon her face. ‘Getting ideas?’ His lip curled slightly as he spoke. ‘Suppose I should be thankful you’re not about to expire any more.’

‘I wasn’t going to.’ She pushed at his shoulder, suddenly aware of how close they were.

‘Good. I don’t need any more drama.’

‘You didn’t have to do anything. I’d have been all right. It was just a shock.’

‘Yeah, right!’ He crossed his arm defensively, which rather suggested he didn’t believe her.

Dani couldn’t work him out. A few minutes ago he’d been annoyed over the fact that she might desire him, and now he seemed riled that he’d kissed her – but she hadn’t initiated it, and she wasn’t pressing him for more, quite the opposite, because she was scared stiff of where more would lead to.

They stared at one other uncomfortably until Xane lowered his head as if he meant to kiss her again, causing her to gasp. But he rolled off the sofa instead.

‘Stay there. I’ll fetch you a blanket.’

Dani sat up. ‘I don’t need a blanket.’ She was calm now. Well, OK, not exactly calm. Her heart rate had at least doubled in the last five minutes, but she wasn’t feeling quite so traumatised.

‘I’ll get one anyway.’ He hurried away, leaving her even more confused. Only by following Xane’s movement did she realise the cottage had another floor, accessed by a stairwell set into the wall behind the front door.

Xane returned more quickly than she’d anticipated, carrying a duvet he must have snatched straight off his bed.

‘This isn’t necessary,’ she protested, as he swaddled her in cloth.

‘Lady, you nearly passed out a minute ago. Maybe you’d like to explain what that was about? And maybe you’d like to tell me your surname before I have to accompany you to A&E.’

Dani chewed her lip. OK, maybe her reaction had been a little over the top, but he’d taken her by surprise. ‘You’ve got me through some bad times,’ she said, feeling her eyes fill up. ‘It’s hard to hear you won’t be around in the future.’

‘I’m not dead.’ Xane cleared his throat. ‘I didn’t say I was going to stop making music, just that the band’s defunct.’

Yes, but was it even possible for him to go it alone? The metal genre consisted of bands, not solo artists. Xane Geist belonged in a rock band. And that band had to be Black Halo, because when it came down to it, it wasn’t only Xane who made up the group. Ash, Spook, Rock Giant, Elspeth, even Steve Matlock on drums, they all had their roles to play. It was their combined influences that made the band. Wasn’t it?

‘Will you speak to Ash tomorrow?’ she asked, recalling the lead guitarist’s attempt, when they were leaving the arena, to set a timetable for negotiation. Not that she’d understood at the time that’s what it was.

‘No.’

‘Why not? He might have a plan to get you through this.’

‘He won’t.’

‘But how do you know if you haven’t talked …’ She stopped, Xane wasn’t listening, and he’d returned to the bottle. Only a small dribble remained in the bottom, most of the contents having spilled onto the floor. He stared morosely at the dregs, then swallowed them.

‘You know getting plastered isn’t going to help. You need a clear head to patch things up.’

‘And you need a hearing test. It’s over. And you still haven’t given me a surname.’

‘It’s Fosbrook, OK, and I’m not about to pass out.’

‘Next of kin?’

Dani shook her head. No. They weren’t going there. Xane was never, ever, ever meeting her mum, talking to her mum or getting anywhere near anyone who could be vaguely construed as her family. If something happened to her while she was with him, then it was better they weren’t informed.

You’ve kissed the devil, Dani. You’ll have to atone.

She quickly shut out the voice of Sister Anna in her head.

She hadn’t kissed the devil, only a man. And really he’d kissed her. She hadn’t initiated anything. They couldn’t chastise her for that. It was totally in the spirit of St Agatha. She’d been passive and meek.

But you enjoyed him kissing you. You want him to do it again. Admit it, you little whore, you’re dying for him to take off your shirt, fondle your breasts and pull down your knickers. You want him to shove his great big dick inside you. You’re turned on just by the idea of looking at it. That’s why you keep sneaking glances at those photographs.

Not to mention the ones she was stealing at his crotch. He might have an overly high opinion of himself and a sucky attitude, but, whether he understood it or not, he’d seen her through many lonely nights. Perhaps it was only fair that she saw him through this one in return.

‘I’ll sleep on the couch,’ she announced.

‘Will you now? I don’t remember offering.’

‘You just handed me a duvet.’

‘I’ll be needing that back on my bed. Maybe that’s what you’re angling for.’

‘No.’ She pushed herself into the corner of the sofa away from his glorious body and his heady scent, fighting the near irresistible urge to say ‘yes’ and jump right on top of him. ‘I’ll be fine here.’

‘I’m not fine,’ he said as though he didn’t expect anyone to acknowledge he’d spoken. For a moment, his mask slipped and she saw right into his heart, knew his pain, recognised him as the man who’d written all those lyrics that made so much sense to her.

Taking a deep breath, she asked, ‘Why have you split up?’ Maybe if he shared the problem it wouldn’t seem so insurmountable.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Xane huffed, shaking his head. He chucked the empty vodka bottle in the direction of the waste bin. It missed and rolled back towards him, so he kicked it under the sofa. ‘It’s just how it is. Everything has to end sometime. Now’s that time for Black Halo.’

She didn’t buy his attempt at being philosophical.

‘But something must have caused it. Maybe if you told me what it was I could …’

Xane’s jaw locked so rigidly she could see the tick of his pulse beating beneath the skin.

OK, scratch that idea. He wasn’t going to get into the nitty-gritty of why he’d taken a machete to her dream band, because – and she had to remind herself of this fact – they weren’t actually friends. Xane didn’t know her from any of the other countless women who fought their way backstage on a nightly basis to meet him. The nights they’d spent together supporting one another through untold woes were fantasies, nothing more.

Contrary to what Ginny believed, and what Xane himself had assumed, Dani’s primary fantasy about him didn’t involve sex, although she wasn’t entire guilt-free in that department. Certainly, if he kissed her again she’d probably make a complete twit of herself, by not being able to keep her hands off him, thus destroying the façade that she wasn’t interested in screwing his pants off.