“Are things no better between you?” she asked, cutting through his attempted facade easily. It was a knack she had possessed since the very beginning of their acquaintance.
Unable to keep up any pretext with this woman, who seemed to read him as if she had known him all his life, Ian shook his head, allowing the smile to fade. “No, I am afraid not. He has remained unceasing in his insistence that I marry. His every letter is a diatribe on the subject. He did in fact come up to London some months ago to reiterate his demands in person.”
“Then why do you not marry, if only to make peace with him? You were prepared to do so some months ago.”
He could not explain to her his own continued reticence, and so replied dramatically, “The woman I wished to wed has taken another.” Ian cast a mock tragic glance her way.
Her only answer was a delicately arched brow.
He grew more serious. “In all honesty I have met no one else whom I would seriously consider spending the rest of my life with. And I have no intention of doing as he wishes by marrying my cousin Barbara. It is unthinkable.”
“If you made a real attempt, you might find someone of your own choosing,” she told him stubbornly.
Ian shrugged. “You know how I feel about the young debs who are paraded before the bachelors of London society. They dance and flutter their eyelashes well enough, but not a thought about anything more interesting than how many dresses they own or how many servants a prospective bridegroom might provide passes through their minds. To marry one of them would be to condemn oneself to a life of abject boredom.”
“Surely that is not true of all the young women you’ve met?” she said dryly.
Unexpectedly a vision crept into his mind. The vision had long golden hair and a pair of bewitchingly gold eyes, eyes like a hawk’s. “I did meet a woman today not far from Carlisle,” he told her with more uncertainty than he would have thought clouding his teasing tone. “She was…well…different.”
Victoria leaned closer to him, her gray eyes sparkling with interest. “Different. And not far from Carlisle. This is quite exciting. Ian, you must tell me all. What is her name?”
He was surprised at his own reluctance to talk about the woman he’d met. He pushed it aside. This conversation was after all occurring only for amusement’s sake. “I really know very little of her. The young woman seemed stimulatingly contrary and addressed me quite deprecatingly, in the manner of one quite accustomed to great deference. Though from her dress and the simple miss she attached to her name, she was certainly not of the nobility.”
So occupied was he in remembering how much he had enjoyed the exchange that Ian did not notice how very quiet Victoria had become. “She was quite beautiful and I must admit that I would not be averse to getting to know her better, possibly much better.” He glanced at Victoria then as he ended and found her biting her lip as she gazed down at her hands.
He finished with a dawning sense that something was wrong. “By the way, she said she knew you, and that her name was Mary Fulton.”
Victoria sat back abruptly, her whole body stiff, one hand going to the mound of her stomach. “Mary? I had feared as much.”
He scowled at her obviously unfavorable reaction. “I resent your use of the term fear.”
She looked at him then, her gray eyes grown grave with warning. “You must not speak of Mary that way, even in jest. I do in fact know her, and well. She is my dearest friend and has just lost her beloved father. He was the reverend of the church in Carlisle from the time I was quite small. Mary is in no way equal to your game, Ian.”
He felt as if she had slapped him, and a tightness gripped his chest as he looked away from her. So she thought he was not a suitable companion for her friend. His voice took on a condescending tone to cover his hurt. “I do hope I have misunderstood what you are trying to say. Are you implying that I would seduce your little friend? I had no such intention. Now that you have told me of your association, I shall put her from my mind.”
Victoria was completely frank with him. “Ian…forgive me, but you as well as anyone know of your reputation. You have never pretended otherwise, even when you were courting me.”
He continued to hold himself stiffly. “And I also recall telling you that I had had enough of living up to my own reputation as Lord Sin. I meant it.”
A look of chagrin came over her fine-featured face. She spoke softly. “When you said you would like to know her better…I simply assumed…” She drew herself up. “You know your father would never approve of your attachment to a simple vicar’s daughter. And I love her so, as if she was my own sister. I could not bear to see her hurt in any way, even if it was inadvertent on your part. Jedidiah and I have asked her to come and live with us, though she has not said yes.” Victoria paused before going on. “I will accept your assurances that she is in no danger from you.”
He glanced over to see that she was biting her lip again. Ian shook his head, meeting her eyes earnestly. “I told you when I asked you to marry me, Victoria. I am done with all that. I have no desire to seduce young innocents. And any that I might have gotten the credit for leading astray in the past were not as innocent as their families might have believed. Besides, you give me far too much credit.” He gave a forced laugh. “There is no reason to believe the young woman would succumb even if I was to press her.”
She shrugged with a rueful smile. “Do not underestimate yourself, Ian. Because your heart is so carefully guarded it is difficult for you to see that others are not so adept at protecting their own.”
He felt he must defend himself here. “I was willing to love you.”
She shook her head sagely. “No, Ian, you were prepared to like me, even to respect me. That is not love. Love is the total giving of yourself into another’s keeping. You did not love me.”
When he scowled, ready to deny what she had said, she held up her hand. “But enough of such talk. Forgive me. I believe you will act honorably. As I said, I spoke only out of my love for Mary and concern for the sadness and vulnerability she is feeling right now.”
Ian nodded. He was no more interested in carrying on this conversation than she. He had no wish to examine the discomfort he felt at hearing her say he had locked his heart away. He knew he had learned to avoid thinking about how deeply his father’s rejection of him hurt. That did not mean he could not love.
Just then the door opened and the maid entered with tea, effectively preventing any more such talk. And Ian was relieved. But as he watched the maid set the heavy tray down on the low table before them, Ian had a thought pass through his mind without his having called it forth.
He heard Victoria’s voice telling him that his father would not approve of Mary Fulton. Indeed, Ian thought as he nodded for three sugars, Malcolm Sinclair would likely very much disapprove of the young woman, Mary Fulton. And not only because she was a minister’s daughter. There had been an obvious measure of strength and determination in those direct golden eyes. She was quite unlikely to be led about by the nose. Which Ian believed was his father’s major reason for approving of Barbara.
Ian and Barbara had been thrown together on every possible occasion since Ian was twenty. It seemed she had been a guest at Sinclair Hall on each of his infrequent visits. Barbara, being only four years his junior, could not have been anything but aware of what was happening, especially after his father had gone so far as to move her into Sinclair Hall just over a year ago. Though she had never actually expressed any desire to marry Ian, she seemed willing to go along with their parents’ plans. Ian was not.
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