Zara Stoneley - Blackberry Picking at Jasmine Cottage

‘You don’t look very happy about it.’

‘I’m in shock, that’s all.’ She tried a smile, and knew from Sally’s rolled eyes that it wasn’t convincing. ‘Well you know how I like to plan.’

More rolled eyes. ‘Don’t I just! Sorry,’ she laughed, ‘carry on, go on, tell me.’

‘Well making my own mind up that I want to do something is different to suddenly having it dropped in your lap, and somebody else almost making the decision isn’t it?’

‘It’s bossy teacher syndrome isn’t it? You like being in total control, don’t you Lucy Jacobs, and this is freaking you out. God knows how poor Charlie copes with you in bed.’

‘Sally!’ Lucy tried to glare. ‘But you’ve got a point about being a bit freaked out. I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner and my hand’s being forced. Though I’m sure you’ll be delighted about that, me showing my human side.’ She had actually been pondering over the summer about the possibility of selling the house, but she hadn’t quite got to the point of knowing it was what she wanted to do. Now this had happened. Which was fantastic. But scary.

Sally sat down at the kitchen table and studied her, looking serious. ‘You know I was only joking.’ Her voice was soft, concerned.

‘Yeah, I know, well I know there’s an element of truth in there too.’

‘So, what’s the problem? I know, you don’t want to become a country bumpkin like me.’

‘It’s not that.’

‘I mean, you live here now, don’t you? And it’s not often a nice place comes up for sale in the village. Gawd I’d kill for a chance like that.’

Sally’s words had a wistful edge, and Lucy instantly felt herself colour up with guilt.

‘Could you and Jamie get a place together?’ Lucy knew that Sally and Jamie’s relationship had positively exploded, and left the whole village agog. Not that they weren’t all pleased, and very relieved that the couple had finally started to date – after all everybody knew they were perfect for each other.

Sally and Jamie had known each other since they were children, but both had been worried about admitting that they wanted to be more than just good friends. Until Sally had finally taken the drunken plunge and admitted how she felt. After that they seemed to have been intent on making up for lost time. Lucy had never known two people so obviously madly in love with each other.

Sally shook her head. ‘Rentals hardly ever come up and the amount I get paid it’s hopeless. Jamie’s trying to save so that we can put a deposit down, but farming isn’t exactly the best job to be in right now.’ She sighed. ‘At this rate it’ll take bloody years, and lovely as they are I am getting a bit sick of living with Mum and Dad. Have you any idea what it’s like being asked what time you’ll be home when you’re my age?’ She rolled her eyes and Lucy laughed. ‘And don’t start me on the comments my dad makes about my clothes, you’d think I was twelve years old still. He actually asked if I was wearing a skirt or a belt the other day, how old is that line? And it was nearly down to my knees!’ She shook her head in disbelief, then gave Lucy her direct not-to-be-messed with receptionist look. ‘You’d be mad to pass on it.’

‘I know. But what if the school closes?’

‘That could happen anywhere. What if the world ends tomorrow? You get run over by a tractor? You get nits?’ Sally’s voice was gentle. ‘What’s the real issue here, Lucy? It’s not just about the house is it? Is this about Charlie?’

‘Charlie, what’s it got to do with …’ She stopped herself short. It had everything to do with Charlie, well maybe not everything, but quite a lot. ‘Charlie needs space for him and Maisie, a village is a small place.’ Lucy grimaced. If she was honest, she needed to know she had a bolthole, options, if it all went wrong. If she wasn’t wanted. Again.

In the last few months she’d finally managed to get rid of a lot of her insecurities, but there was still that lingering doubt. She’d spent a good chunk of her childhood feeling dispensable, as an adult knowing she had some security had always been important, the most important thing.

‘You don’t need to tell me that.’ Sally rolled her eyes dramatically.

‘What about when Josie comes back, what if it seems a better idea to move?’

‘Then move. But you don’t have to go back to your old place in Birmingham, do you? You don’t have to hang on to the past and look backwards, Lucy. The world’s your oyster.’

‘It’s just a bit of security, having that house.’

‘So keep it. Carry on renting it out.’

Which was what her head kept saying, but some part of her heart was telling her to let go. To be really brave, braver than she’d been in accepting this job. Follow her heart.

But she was scared.

Scared of waking up one day and realising she didn’t belong here. Scared that she should have stayed where she was, the place she understood. Scared that one day the past would catch up with her in this cute village and it would all be wrecked again. The nightmare of her dad leaving them had been replaced with the one of him finding them. A city was big. Anonymous.

‘Either way, it’s only a house, Luce. It’s not like some inherited mansion or something,’ she paused dramatically, ‘is it?’

‘No, it’s your bog standard semi.’ But it was her bog standard semi.

‘Well then, a place here sounds much better.’

‘I know.’

‘It just means you’ve got your security here, not there. And you can always move again. Here, anywhere.’ Sally paused, bottle of wine in hand, Lucy must have let her thoughts flitter across her features. ‘And you might always fall in love with somebody else.’

She gave a grim smile, ignoring the Charlie remark. ‘It’s a good source of income.’ The bottle of wine was still in Sally’s hand. Poised. ‘Are you pouring that or is this some weird mannequin challenge I don’t know about, Sal?’

But it wasn’t just about an income, security now. It was a decision. A step. It was letting go of her anchor.

Sally topped up their glasses. ‘Don’t stress about it. You’ll know, when the time’s right, you’ll know. Maisie likes you, doesn’t she?’ She tipped her head on one side and smiled. ‘She was in the surgery yesterday, talking about how she wished she could live with you all the time, instead of with Charlie who always says no.’

Lucy smiled back. ‘I like her too. She might go off me now I have my teacher hat back on though.’ It was hard not to fall in love with Charlie’s curly haired daughter, although she wasn’t always quite the angel she appeared – with her halo of soft auburn curls. They’d had a good summer, the three of them, but it was hard. She wasn’t Maisie’s mother, she didn’t want to get too close to her. A part of her held back.

‘What if Josie doesn’t come back? You know, says she can live with Charlie permanently.’ Sally was offering the other option.

She wasn’t ready to be a mother, she didn’t know how to be a mother. ‘Oh don’t be silly, she’s Maisie’s mum, of course she’ll come back.’ Then where would that leave her? But worse, what if Josie started laying down the law again, made it hard for Charlie to see his daughter?

Josie had taken Maisie away from Charlie once, she could do it again. And if a DNA test proved that Maisie wasn’t his, well, it didn’t bear thinking about. A hard lump formed in Lucy’s throat at the thought of him having to suffer again. Although she knew he’d fight. But was the law on his side?

Charlie had told her it was over between him and Josie, and she believed him. But who knew what would happen if it came to the crunch? If Josie insisted he had to choose between seeing his daughter, and seeing her? She’d have no choice, she’d do whatever she could to make sure he saw Maisie. No way would she ever want the little girl to grow up without her dad, like she’d had to.