Jane Linfoot - The Little Wedding Shop by the Sea

‘Phew, I’m exhausted, and all I’ve done is watch.’ I heave myself into the car, and flop into the passenger seat beside him. It’s been amazing to watch how this guy took this inhospitable afternoon, and somehow managed to warm up and coax these freezing cold lovers into beautiful moments he could capture. ‘Hardly ideal weather for a photo shoot either.’

As Jules turns on the engine, the music starts too. I forgot to mention the whole afternoon has been played out against the most romantic soundtrack in the world ever. Earlier we were bouncing down the lanes to Hozier’s Take Me To Church , and right now Nothing Compares 2U is coming and going in the background. I deliberately don’t listen too hard to the words, or I’ll have to swallow back the tears.

‘You’ve done a whole lot more than watch. I certainly asked the right person to help.’ Jules gives a low laugh. ‘And actually the weather’s perfect – extreme conditions make the most interesting pictures.’

It may be unfair to make comparisons, but I can’t help think of Jules with his can-do attitude, and easy coaxing manner, beside grumpy Rafe, and his tractor load of negativity. As if to underline the impression, Jules flashes me a wide, warm smile.

‘Is that the last stop?’ I ask with a sigh. Even though it’s exciting to see Jules at work, after three hours I could kill for a mug of sweet tea and a chunk of chocolate shortcake.

‘I think we’ll call it a day at that,’ Jules confirms to all of us. ‘I’m confident I’ve got some pictures you’ll like.’ He shoots a satisfied beam over his shoulder to Lara and Ben in the back.

In my head I’m already putting the kettle on and opening the biscuit tin.

‘Ohhhh.’ A groan of disappointment comes from Lara.

This far I hadn’t got her down as whiney.

‘What’s wrong, Panda?’

And this is something I forgot to mention earlier. Panda Bear is Ben’s slightly annoying pet name for Lara. Whoever thinks I only mind because I’m jealous is totally wrong. As I’m basically only meeting them for a day after this, I don’t need to stress about it, but to be honest, if someone started calling Immie Panda Bear in public, Cate and I would have to put a stop to it. Immediately. With physical force if necessary.

‘I was hoping to have just one picture in the dress I was wearing the day we met.’

I wonder if Jules has picked up the same winsome note in Lara’s voice that I have.

Ben grunts. ‘For chrissakes, Pand, we met in Greece, it was forty eight degrees, and you were only wearing a thong, that’s why I noticed you.’

Panda’s hiss is indignant. ‘I had my dress with me, one picture is all I’m asking for.’

Jules raises his eyebrows. As he steers into the farm courtyard, and the car swoops to a halt Rafe marches out of the office, and stomps over to the car. If I had a hard hat with me, I’d reach for it now.

‘Great shoot.’ Jules’ electric window slides downwards. ‘Thanks for some amazing locations.’

‘Any time.’ Rafe backs away with a shrug. Two words and he’s reached the limit of his engagement.

‘I don’t suppose …’ Jules is trying his luck here. ‘You wouldn’t happen to have an inside space we could borrow for ten minutes?’ Seemingly oblivious to Rafe’s dismissal, Jules switches his gaze pointedly to the farmhouse.

As Rafe pauses, a pained look passes across his face. ‘The house won’t be suitable, it’s empty and mostly falling apart.’

Jules is straight in there. ‘It sounds perfect, thanks, we won’t bother you for long I promise. Come on guys.’ He’s already out of the car, grabbing his cameras, and striding past a stormy-faced Rafe, towards the front door. Rafe shakes his head, but all the same he goes to open up from inside.

Why didn’t I think of acting like an over enthusiastic dog to get Rafe to roll over?

‘In we go …’ Jules loses no time, ushering us all into the hall the moment Rafe opens the front door a crack.

Beneath the glow of a bare bulb, it takes a second for my eyes to get used to the gloom as I step in out of the wind. Despite the shredded wallpaper, and bare floorboards, it’s the broad staircase with its beautiful swooping handrail that has us all gazing. It could have come straight from a shabby chic magazine, which is probably why Jules’ grin has turned from triumphant to ecstatic.

‘Great stuff, we can definitely work with this …’ Dust rises, as Jules drops his bag and turns to Rafe. ‘Is there anywhere Lara can go to slip her dress on?’

I’m holding my breath. This free pass into Rafe’s private domain is an unexpected bonus. I’d imagined him climbing into a king sized bed with a smart new painted brass bedstead, but that doesn’t fit with the patina. Shocked that I’ve imagined his bedroom? Me too, to be honest, but cake icing can be a repetitive business. There’s plenty of time for your mind wander to places you had no intention of visiting. There’s nothing more to it than that.

‘Sure, she can change in here.’ Rafe sighs loudly, pushing on the nearest door, and clicking a bank of switches. ‘You can take pictures here too, if you must.’

We follow him into a big empty room, where the floor is flecked with flakes of distemper that has fallen off the walls. There’s a clatter as he moves down the room, opening shutters as he goes, letting the last of the afternoon light seep in through four tall, small-paned sash windows.

‘What a fantastic fireplace.’ Jules breaks the stunned silence, and says what we’re all thinking. ‘And a fabulous room.’ And he’s seriously understating it here. The fireplace is huge and square with the most intricate carvings in the pale stone surround. My head is doing a quick reshuffle, and flashing up images of Rafe’s huge Jacobean four poster.

Rafe gives a grunt, and breaks the dream. ‘It’s a bit big for a farmhouse, my Georgian ancestors obviously had delusions of grandeur.’

‘And delightfully empty …’ More positive spin from Jules, overlooking the dust sheet covered piles around the room.

Before we have time to take it in, Rafe has pushed through some double doors in the central wall which open into yet another room. Tentatively we follow him into an ancient conservatory, with glass so misted and cobweb covered, it’s hard to see through.

‘This is the orangerie, which like the rest has seen better days. It opens onto a walled garden behind the house.’ Rafe says, with a nod towards the glass structure. ‘Not sure how many oranges it’s seen, certainly none in my time.’

‘A truly fabulous place to live.’ Jules is gushing now. Not surprising given the locations Rafe has just handed him.

In the interests of fairness, and to prove there’s no favouritism going on, I force myself to picture Jules’ bedroom. Definitely in a loft apartment, with chunky wood hewn furniture. I hastily add in a massive wardrobe, and a bright coloured quilt with a chunky knit throw.

Then, back in the farmhouse again, I shove my hands deeper into my coat pockets as I suppress a shiver. Lara’s going to be almost as cold in here as outside, but they’ll get some great shots. Let’s hope they’re quick.

‘This is no place for me on my own, and anyway, I prefer modern. I keep to the end wing, hence the cobwebs here.’ Rafe shrugs again, as he backs away towards the hall. ‘Okay, I’ll leave you to it, knock yourselves out. Give me a shout when you’re done.’

Which leaves the Rafe in my head bouncing on a retro fifties ash bed from Habitat, while he shouts about ancestors and house wings. I mean, what planet does this guy live on? Certainly not the same one as the rest of us.

‘Bloody hell …’ Ben is shaking his head, gazing up at the sagging ceiling.