Leslie Kelly - A Soldier's Christmas - I'll Be Home for Christmas / Presents Under the Tree / If Only in My Dreams

“Why not?”

A moment’s hesitation. There would be no going back from this. But of course there was no other way to go.

“Because my fiancé should be here soon. He got called away on an emergency but I expect him any second.”

His whole body stiffened and the small amount of color he had fell out of his face. She saw those dark eyes flash with emotion, saw him physically withdraw a half step, as if his feet had forced him to move away even before his mind had caught up with the new reality of this situation.

“You’re engaged.” His voice was toneless, his expression completely unemotional.

She nodded.

“Who is he?”

“Nobody you know. He’s a vet.” His brow furrowed, and she immediately clarified. “I mean a veterinarian.”

“When did you...”

“We met last year and got engaged last month.” It had been a happy day, and saying yes had been the right decision. She had believed it then, she believed it now.

But noting the shock and possible dismay on Rafe’s face suddenly had her asking questions a newly engaged woman had no business asking. Like, Why didn’t you come back sooner? Why didn’t you stay in touch? Why wasn’t I enough...why was the army so much more important?

Why did you come back into my life when I’d finally gotten over you?

“When’s the happy day?”

“September.”

“I see.”

Rafe’s whole body, already so tall and strong, went even straighter, and his jaw pushed out. He was putting up a wall, respecting her status, ready to back away. She wasn’t surprised. Rafe’s sense of honor had been one of the things she’d found most attractive about him.

“I suppose he wouldn’t be happy if you were dancing with another man.”

She replied without thinking. “He wouldn’t mind. Denny is the most easygoing, laid-back person I’ve ever known.”

Her fiancé was a good guy. A very good guy with a big heart, a great sense of humor and a genuine love for animals. Most of all, he was here. He was stable. He wasn’t half a world away, putting up barriers between himself and anyone who loved him, refusing to allow anyone to get close...or to wait.

“Oh. So you just don’t want to dance with me?”

“You mean the invitation’s still open?”

“Of course.”

A sigh escaped her mouth. “It’s not that I wouldn’t...”

“Ahh, I get it.” The tiniest of smiles appeared on those lips. “You don’t trust yourself, huh?”

“I see that ego of yours hasn’t gotten any smaller.”

“For old times’ sake, Ellie,” he said, lifting a hand and brushing the tips of his fingers across her cheek. “I’ve dreamed about having you in my arms again. Spent long, miserable nights clinging to that dream.”

She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. He dropped his hand, as if realizing he wasn’t playing fair.

“Now that you’re engaged, one dance is the only chance I’ll ever have to make my dream come true. For auld lang syne, and all that. Whaddya say?”

She tried to resist, but that sexy voice, the need in his eyes and the hint of true emotion—as if he were mourning for something they’d had and lost—made her finally lower her guard.

One dance. One more time in Rafe’s arms.

Then she’d put him out of her mind—and her heart—forever.

“All right, Rafe,” she said, breathing the words out through closed lips. “For old times’ sake, I’ll dance with you.”

* * *

HE SHOULD HAVE let it go. Should have let her go.

The minute Ellie Blake had told him she belonged to another man, Rafe should have swallowed his disappointment, ordered his heart to go back into the hibernation in which it had existed for the past few years and walked out of the party.

But he just couldn’t do it.

He hadn’t planned to seek her out during his holiday leave, which would end the day after tomorrow. His situation hadn’t really changed. He had another four long years in the army, several of which would be in active combat. Iraq had been hell, but his next stop on his round-the-world tour of war zones, Afghanistan, was going to be even worse. So when his cousin’s wife had told him she’d run into Ellie, he should have just ignored the information. Should have pretended Noelle hadn’t mentioned Ellie was attending a New Year’s Eve fundraiser for abused animals at a downtown Chicago hotel.

He just wished his cousin’s wife had heard the tidbit about Ellie’s engagement.

But it was too late to retreat now. One and done. He’d dance with her, build up the memory bank and then get out of here, spending the next two days with his family and returning Ellie Blake to the deepest corners of his mind and of his past.

He turned toward the dance floor, placing the tips of his fingers against the small of her back. Even through the shimmery fabric of her dress, he could feel the tiny protrusions of delicate bone, and couldn’t help remembering how it had felt to drop his hand lower and cup the soft curves of her ass. Her whole body had always been so perfectly fitted for his, those curves driving him crazy whether she was wearing casual jeans or nothing at all.

The nothing at all was especially nice to remember.

God, he’d been crazy about her. Physically and emotionally. What kind of idiot had he been to let her slip away?

“I was wrong. You have changed a little,” he told her.

“Oh?”

“You don’t look like a co-ed anymore.”

“I’m all grown up now. Eighteen months left of vet school, then I’ll be out there doing what I’ve always dreamed of doing.”

Saving living creatures. That’s all she’d ever wanted to do. What a funny couple they’d made, considering he’d wanted to go off to fight and kill.

He pushed that out of his head, not wanting dark thoughts to intrude on what might be his very last moments with Ellie.

He looked down at her, staring intently, saving the vision for all the days to come when he’d have to rely only on memories to conjure her face. She was, indeed, all grown up. Her auburn hair was pulled back, a few long strands dangling around her pale, bare shoulders. He remembered scraping his lips across that collarbone, inhaling her sweet fragrance, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her skin as they moved through the crowd.

He and Ellie hadn’t been involved for long, just a couple of months, but she’d been the one woman he had never gotten out of his system. The sex had been explosive—they’d been insatiable for each other, and no woman he’d been with, before or since, had ever made him lose his mind and be willing to give up his very soul to have her.

It had been about more than sex, though. She’d been the first woman he’d really loved. Make that the only woman. She’d been his rock when they’d been together, and his steadying fantasy once he’d forced her away. He couldn’t count the number of times the thought of her had calmed him in a moment so tense he’d been sure he’d snap.

And now, she really was out of his life. For good. Forever. No going back, no changing things, even though he wished he could erase that last conversation, when he’d told her he wouldn’t be calling again.

He’d done his job all too well and she’d taken him at his word. That was probably the best thing for her. Unfortunately, acknowledging he should be happy for her, that she was better off, didn’t stop his gut from churning or his muscles from clenching.

“Good band,” she said.

“I guess. If you enjoy this kind of music.”

He didn’t, usually, preferring classic rock to the jazzy, blues-type stuff the musicians had been playing tonight. But he had to admit, this was a lot better to dance to...if the object of the dance was getting as close as possible to a woman who drove you crazy.