Patricia Davids - An Amish Noel

“Wayne Hochstetler intends to ask you out.”

She sat back in surprise. “Wayne? How do you know this?”

Wayne was a widower and the eldest son of their neighbor to the west. He and his family belonged to a different church group, one that was more conservative, but Wayne was known as a stalwart member of the Amish faith and a good farmer. His father was the bishop of their church district.

“I spoke with his father. Wayne is looking for a wife. He has a young daughter who needs a mother.”

“I hope he finds one, but what makes you think I would be interested in going out with him?”

“Because it’s time you married. It’s past time. You will be thirty soon. That is old enough to be settled.”

“I’m barely twenty-five, Daed .”

“That is still plenty old enough. I want you to seriously consider Wayne as a husband. His father and I are good friends. This would make us happy.”

“I thought marriage was a question of who would make me happy.” She once believed Luke Bowman was that man, but she had been mistaken. Sadly mistaken.

“Love can grow from friendship and mutual respect. If there is someone else, dochder , please tell me now.”

“I have enough to do taking care of you and the boys. There isn’t anyone I’m interested in.”

“ Goot , then you will consider Wayne?”

“Not until you give me a better reason than my age and your friendship with his father. What’s this about? Why this sudden interest in seeing me married off? I have plenty of time to meet the right man and fall in love.”

He sighed heavily. “You may have the time, but I do not. The news from the doctor was not goot , but it was what I have been expecting.”

Her heart pounded painfully, stealing her breath. “You are frightening me. What did he say?”

“I have inherited the same disease that took my father when you were but a small child. My kidneys are failing. The doctor thinks I have a year, maybe two, before it is my time to stand before God and be judged.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Is the doctor sure? Can’t there be some mistake? I know you’ve been ill, but you’ll get better. You can see another doctor.”

He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I knew this was coming when I started having the same type of pain that wore down my father. I can only pray that God has chosen to spare my sons.”

“And me? Can this disease come to me and my children?”

“You forget. You are my stepdaughter. I married your mother when you were only a babe. Your father died in a farming accident. This disease I inherited cannot come to you.”

It was true. She always forgot that Zachariah wasn’t her real father. “You have been a father to me in every sense of the word save that one small thing. I could not love you more if we were bound by blood.”

“You are a true child of my heart, Emma, but I won’t be able to care for you and the boys for much longer. I need to know someone will look after the lot of you when I’m gone. It falls to you now. The boys are too young.”

“I don’t have to be married to take care of my brothers. You know I will always do that. The church will help us.”

“Wayne has a prosperous farm. Combined with my land, it will be more than enough. You will not be dependent on the charity of others. Do not mistake me—there’s nothing wrong with accepting charity when you need it, but it is much better not to need it. I’m not afraid to face death but I am afraid of leaving you and your brothers without a secure future. Can you understand that?”

“ Ja , I do. I can’t believe this is happening.” She didn’t want to believe it. Not her big strong father. There had to be some mistake.

“I’m sorry to burden you with this news, but in one sense, it is a blessing. Few men are given the chance to know when their end is coming. I have time to prepare. You will have time to prepare as well. You must find someone to care for you when I cannot. Wayne is a goot man. A fine farmer. I hope you will consider him.”

Emma arose and carried her mug to the kitchen sink. Setting it carefully on the counter, she stared out the window. How could she refuse Zachariah’s request? She couldn’t. Everything she had, everything she believed in, was due to the kindness and love of the man who had chosen to become her father.

“Where are the boys?” he asked.

She stared out the kitchen window at the snow-covered farm looking pristine and sparkling as the clouds parted and sunshine chased away the gloomy afternoon. God’s beautiful white blanket covered the holes in the barn roof and disguised the junk her father piled up along the sides of the sheds. No one could see how the henhouse roof sagged or how badly it needed to be replaced. “They took a load of firewood to Jim Morgan’s place. They should have been back by now.”

“You know how they like to look at Jim’s toys. Maybe he is giving them a ride on his motorcycle again.”

“I hope not.” She hated that her brothers were fascinated with Englisch vehicles. She disliked that Jim and his brother encouraged them, but her family needed the money Jim was willing to pay for the wood the boys cut and hauled.

Her poor brothers. They would be heartbroken when they learned this news about their father. She wanted to ease the pain for them, but she didn’t know how. Tears pricked the back of her eyes. She brushed them away. “I wish they would come home. I know you want to share this news with them, sad though it is.”

“I will tell them, but not yet. Not today.”

She turned to face him. “Why wait?”

He stirred his coffee without looking at her. “Christmas is coming. You know how excited Alvin is about his school Christmas program. I don’t want to ruin that for him. This news can wait until after the New Year. A month or two won’t make any difference. Perhaps by then they will have the news of your coming marriage to cheer them up and make them feel secure.”

“I see your point.” Except that meant she would have to carry the burden of this information alone.

“I hear someone coming. Is it the boys?”

The sound of hoofbeats reached her. She glanced out the window and her traitorous heart gave the same funny little flip it always did when she caught sight of Luke Bowman. He drew his buggy to a stop in front of the house.

Luke. The man she had once hoped to marry. The same man who had made it painfully clear that he didn’t care about her at all. The memory of their parting years ago still had the power to bring tears to her eyes.

Jim Morgan had been the one who told her Luke was leaving that night. She had packed a bag and rushed to find him before it was too late. At the bus station, she had gripped his arm, willing him to see how much she cared.

“I love you, Luke. More than my own life. More than my family. I’ll go anywhere as long as I can be with you. You need me as much as I need you. I know you love me.”

He brushed her hand aside. His face was blank as he stared at the ground. “You don’t get it, Emma. I don’t need you. I don’t want you tagging after me. Stay here. Live a simple life. Be happy with some farmer and have six kids of your own.”

“I don’t want to stay without you. I love you. Please, let me come with you.”

“Why would I? You’ve become a nuisance. I don’t love you, Emma. I never did.” He turned away and started to board the bus as her heart broke into tiny pieces. On the steps, he paused. “Forget about me. Find someone else.”

He took a seat by the window and left her weeping at the bus station. He never looked back. She knew because she had watched until the bus was gone from sight.