Stephen Edger - Til Death Do Us Part

It was just the two of them, now, in the back of the Rolls Royce, heading away from the church and starting their first journey as husband and wife. Ben’s parents, Alice’s mum, Scott, and the bridesmaids would follow behind in two further Phantoms hired for the day. Everyone else had directions to the hotel and would make their own way there.

‘I was convinced I would fluff my lines,’ Ben said, leaning back and interlocking his fingers with hers. ‘My throat was so dry up there, and even though the vicar was prompting us with what to say, I was sure I’d say the wrong thing.’

‘It went by in a blur, didn’t it? I’m so glad we hired someone to film it. My memory of it is already fading, and I want to hear us exchange vows again.’

‘We could always do a do-over,’ Ben teased. ‘We could phone for an annulment and head back there now.’

She pressed her head into his arm. ‘Don’t think you’re going to be able to get away from me that easily. You’re mine for keeps now, and it will take someone far stronger than you to break us.’

He kissed the top of her head. ‘Nothing will break us, I promise. I have a really great feeling about our future.’

‘I worry about Tara though. She’s obviously still really down about Jack breaking up with her. She was so sure he was going to pop the question, until he ditched her last week. It must be tough for her seeing how happy we are.’

‘She’ll be fine. The way I look at it, she’s your best mate, and she’ll be happy to share in our joy today.’

‘She’s so self-conscious about her size though. I think she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t see it. All she focuses on is her larger dress size.’ Alice adjusted the front of her own dress as it squeezed her middle.

‘You want me to have a word with Dave?’

Alice raised her head with a confused look. ‘What do you mean?’

Ben raised his eyebrows. ‘I could ask him if he’d … you know … size doesn’t bother him.’

Alice slapped his arm. ‘She doesn’t need us fixing her up with a sympathy shag, especially with someone like Dave.’

Alice hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but could see the hurt look in Ben’s eyes.

‘What’s wrong with Dave? He’s sound as a pound.’

Alice wrinkled her nose. ‘I know he’s your best friend, but he isn’t always … I just mean, I don’t want Tara to settle.’

‘He’s like a brother to me, and she could do a lot worse than Dave.’

‘I know, I know … listen, I don’t want to fall out over something so silly. I just think they’re too different. Tara is passionate about teaching, and she yearns to meet someone who will sweep her off her feet. Even you have to admit, Dave is no romantic lothario, is he?’

Ben shrugged begrudgingly. ‘I guess not. Didn’t stop you going out with him back in the day though, did it?’ He was grinning at her as he spoke, and she playfully slapped his arm again.

‘That was a long time ago, and it was a blind date. Besides, if I hadn’t met up with him that night, you never would have met me, and we wouldn’t be here now.’

‘He has a thing for schoolteachers, too, though I doubt he’ll ever find one as gorgeous as you.’

‘It’s not easy for her to meet new guys. If you think about it, the only men we tend to come into contact with are either teachers or parents. Not exactly a plentiful pool.’

‘Ha! You think it’s easier running a logistics company? Most of my clients are middle‑aged men with less hair than Dave!’

She smiled coquettishly. ‘Well, you don’t need to worry about that any more. God help you if I ever catch your eye wandering, Mr Goodman. As an experienced junior schoolteacher, I’m very handy with a pair of scissors.’ She made a point of staring at his crotch as she spoke.

He pressed his hands against her cheeks and pulled her in for a deep and meaningful kiss, sending tremors along her arms and legs.

‘I do believe we just had our first argument as husband and wife. Should I ask the chauffeur to pull over so we can have make-up sex?’

Alice couldn’t be sure if he was being serious or just teasing her again. His ability to make her laugh was what had first attracted her to him. Conventionally handsome, with dark hair and a brooding look that he could flip to at the drop of a hat, physically Ben was a fine specimen. Dave on the other hand had a large frame, with deep-set eyes and a rapidly decreasing hairline. The two had the ability to wind each other up, but when push came to shove, there was nothing one wouldn’t do for the other.

‘Make-up sex will have to wait until tonight, I’m afraid,’ she said, kissing him back. ‘I don’t want to do anything to mess up my hair before the photographs.’

He pressed the back of her hand to his lips. ‘Fair enough. Hey do you reckon our parents are behaving in the other car?’

Ben’s parents were staunch Christians who attended mass without fail every Sunday. Ben had once told her a story about how his mother had strapped a pair of tennis rackets to her feet so she could plough through a foot of snow to make it to the service. Alice’s mum on the other hand was far less religious, and rarely hid her opinions on outdated religious practices. It had been stressful having to break the news to her that they’d decided to get married in a church, especially given that neither Ben nor Alice were regular church attendees.

‘Hopefully they’re sitting in silence and enjoying the view,’ Alice said. ‘If Scott is with them, I’m sure he’ll make sure Mum bites her tongue.’

‘Hey, you could always set up Tara with Scott.’

Alice scrunched up her face. ‘I love my stepbrother and I love Tara, but I cannot see what they would have in common. Besides, Scott’s married to his cycling career. He’s never around long enough to maintain a relationship. When he’s back in Southampton he seems to spend all of his free time at the gym anyway.’

‘Yeah but he probably only does that so he isn’t trapped under the same roof as your mum. It amazes me that they still live together after all this time.’

‘It’s good for her having him around, even if that’s less and less these days. For him it offers a roof over his head when he’s in the city, and somewhere he can store all his stuff.’

‘I’m pretty sure I saw him crying when the vicar asked him to give you away. He definitely wiped something from the corner of his eye.’

‘Yeah? I’m pretty sure I saw Dave do the same thing when he realized he was giving you up.’

She chuckled at her own quip, but the joy was short-lived when she remembered they had yet to hear Dave’s best man speech. Dave wasn’t known for his tact, and although Alice had begged and pleaded with him to show her the final version, he’d refused. She’d insisted though that he keep it clean for the sake of Ben’s parents as well as her own feelings.

She accepted that she didn’t know everything from Ben’s past, and although the two of them had done the thing where they’d shared the names of previous partners, it hadn’t been something either had wanted to dwell on. It grated that Dave was privy to so much of Ben’s life prior to her arriving on the scene, and she now desperately hoped he wouldn’t parade all of the skeletons from Ben’s closet in front of her friends and family.

The first road sign for the hotel appeared ahead. Old Mill Lodge, on the edge of Hampshire’s New Forest, was a grand-looking building, so named because it was built on the site of a mill that had operated in the late nineteenth century. When the business had failed, an eccentric developer had bought the land with a view to building the finest mansion the area had seen; but a year after completion he had suffered a heart attack and the deeds had passed to his unscrupulous son, who had immediately sold it. Shortly after the Second World War, it had been turned into a fine manor hotel where wedding costs started from thirty thousand upwards.