Tara Quinn - Having The Soldier's Baby

He didn’t think so.

Didn’t know why he was obsessing over a frickin’ number.

He wasn’t going to call her. What would be the point? He had to see her. To work out the legal details. He’d given his word.

And now that she knew he was alive, she deserved the truth. She needed to know that he was dead inside. It was the only way to set her free.

Pulling into the drive, he took a deep breath, allowing himself to experience fully as he’d been ordered. And felt...nothing. He knew the slope. Most of the cracks. Saw the little dent in the garage, lower right, where he’d run the riding mower a little too close because he’d been busy gazing at his wife, who’d come outside in a pair of really short denim shorts and a black halter top.

His brain computed the memory. Nothing else happened. Not anywhere. Not even a little twinge beneath the fly of his uniform khakis.

He hadn’t needed to wear them. He was off duty. He just needed to hit a store and get some clothes. Everything he’d had with him had been lost in the desert when he’d walked into the enemy camp and offered to become a traitor to his country to distract them long enough for his comrades to get to safety. Everything he’d left behind that day had been returned in a box of effects to his widow.

The navy had helped him get a new driver’s license. Had provided uniforms, skivvies, socks, shoes. Enough to last a few days. His barracks had a laundry facility.

He had to get out of the car to get the job done. So he did. Shut the door like a man with a job to do. Walked with straight shoulders and purpose toward the front steps. Climbed them.

The front door had been painted. It was beige now. Used to be white. Hand raised to knock, he was startled as the door flew open.

“Winston? Oh my God, Winston! I knew you’d come. I was waiting. I knew!” The chatter went on, slightly garbled with tears, as weight slammed against his body.

He grabbed for it, lest it fall. Or lest he did. Arms clung to him, around his neck, as breasts fitted against his chest in a familiar, completely natural way. His arms lowered enough to find their place at the curve of waist just below his waist as his foot scooted, allowing room for the smaller foot sliding in between his two.

The drill was embedded. As much of his naval training had been. It all came back to him with ease. Until Emily lifted her head, gazed into his eyes, and planted her mouth against his.

Lips pursed tightly closed, he stood there, eyes open.

And waited for her to figure out that the man she’d known and loved no longer existed.

* * *

Eyes closed, Emily couldn’t have stood alone. Couldn’t think at all. Her heart pounded with Winston’s pulse, her hands clung to the warmth of the skin at his neck, her body leaning into him as it had always done.

Tears poured out of her, two years of sorrow, and joy, too, so much that she was wrapped in a sense of unreality—as though sensation was all there was.

No time. No place.

If heaven existed on earth, she was in it. And content to explode joy within it forever and ever. World without end.

Her lips on his were only more of the joining—not a kiss; basic lust was far too coarse for that world—as Winston seemed to know. He didn’t open his mouth. Or devour her.

Even his usual hot and heavy desire respected their space. Souls long parted, together again. Nothing touched that.

At some point he picked her up and carried her inside. Snuggled up against his big strong navy man body, she held on, feeling uncharacteristically needy. Winston was home. She didn’t have to be strong. To carry all the weight. She sniffled. Knew she had to stop the tears. They’d been bottled up for so long...

He laid her back against the couch. Let her go.

She waited for him to sit so she could climb up onto his lap. He’d liked it, when they’d go out to a bar, when she sat on his lap. She knew why.

Sex wasn’t why she wanted to be there now. Their sexual connection could wait. She just needed the reality of him. The warmth. The feel of him breathing.

He didn’t sit. At least, not on the couch. He lowered himself to the edge of a chair neither of them had ever used—not in her memory. It had come with the set. But he sat there now.

“You look good.” She would remember those words forever. The first time she’d heard his voice in more than two years.

“I look a mess,” she told him, suddenly conscious of the cutoff sweat shorts and T-shirt she was wearing, both his, while she’d been sitting at her computer, drinking decaffeinated tea and looking at cribs. Her hair was just hanging there. Long and...straight. She’d always curled it. Done fancy things with clips and scrunchies. He’d liked it because he’d loved undoing all her hard work.

If there’d been any makeup, which there hadn’t, she’d have cried it all off anyway.

“You look good,” he said again. His gaze hadn’t left her. But for the first time in their lives, she couldn’t be sure what was going on with him. He didn’t seem to share her joy. Or seem...anything. Happy. Uncomfortable. Sad.

He’s a changed man, Mrs. Hannigan. Officer Hall’s words came back to her.

And she straightened up. Wiped her eyes. Took the handkerchief Winston handed her and cleaned up her face.

What a selfish witch she was being. Winston was the one who’d suffered. He needed her to be strong.

Just the day before, she’d sworn she’d handle whatever was to come, give him whatever he needed from her, love him back to health. She had it in her. There was no doubt about that.

Yet here she was falling apart like a sappy idiot. It was just that... With a small, intimate smile and fresh tears, she said, “You look good,” right back to him.

Relief filled her when he nodded, seemingly pleased. And, oh God, he looked good. So good. Better than she’d ever imagined.

He’d been well fed—though he was as lean as ever. His skin tone was tanned and healthy. She didn’t notice any scars, not that his uniform gave her a lot of opportunity in that area. His hair, as dark as always, was cut in its usual short style with the little bit of bang that she liked to run her fingers through just to tease him. His brown eyes were as big as she remembered, and those lips...still full of every ability to twist her stomach in knots.

“You’re well?” he asked.

She grinned again. “I am now. It’s been a bit lonely around here...”

His nod was curt, yet seemingly expressing satisfaction at the same time. She couldn’t explain it, but accepted the thought just the same.

“And you?” she asked. Reading Winston had always been easy for her. Not so now, and yet it was more critical than ever. She didn’t doubt for a second that she could do it if he gave her just a little more time. He was worth the effort.

“I’m well,” he told her. Still watching her. She wasn’t sure he’d even stopped long enough to blink. The stare might have been unnerving, except that this was Winston. Her soul mate, lover and best friend. Home again.

“There are things we need to discuss,” he said.

She nodded. And then, in a flurry of realizations, jumped up and ran to a drawer in the kitchen. Pulling out the key ring, she started to cry again for a second. She’d thought those keys had been put permanently to rest.

“Here,” she said, back in the living room, handing the keys to Winston. He took them, looked at them for a long few seconds.

Almost as though he didn’t recognize them. Hall had assured her that his mental faculties were all there.

“Your car’s still in the garage,” she told him. His house keys were on that ring, too.

Oh my God! He’s home!

His pillow won’t be empty tonight! She had to make meat loaf for dinner. He particularly loved her meat loaf. There was no ground beef in the house. She’d need to run to the grocery. Didn’t want to leave him for even a second. So maybe they could go together. He might need a new toothbrush. His had been sitting unused in the cup for a long time. Did bristles get brittle?