Melissa Hill - The Summer Villa

‘I know what you’re going to say, but please hear me out,’ she pleaded. ‘I didn’t really want the baby.’

The words were horrible to say out loud, but nonetheless true. Kim hadn’t wanted her own child. She felt terrible for it, but it didn’t change what was. She might not have wanted Lily, but not having her wasn’t an option either. Gabriel would never have forgiven her (nor could she have forgiven herself), and he assured her every day that she would be a great mother. Her fears would pass and she would see that she could do it.

But it hadn’t happened.

‘I carried Lily for all those months and every day I hoped to feel the excitement and happiness everyone said I would, but I didn’t. The closer I got to her birth, the more scared I became. When she finally arrived, it was almost a confirmation that I shouldn’t be a mother. She refused to nurse and cried whenever I picked her up. It was almost as if she didn’t want me either.’ Kim took a deep breath as emotion began to overwhelm her. ‘It’s like she knew.’

‘It is all right. Let it out.’ Antonio spoke gently, like a father to his child.

‘She had colic. She’d cry and cry but nothing I did helped. Only Gabriel could get her to stop. He’d hold her in a special way and she’d just go quiet and fall asleep. It never worked for me, no matter how many times I tried. Eventually, I stopped trying and just left him to it.’

‘You let him take over caring for her because you felt you couldn’t, and he would be better?’

Kim nodded solemnly.

‘Babies sometimes reject breastfeeding. It is nothing strange and it certainly isn’t personal,’ Antonio assured her.

‘It felt like it.’

‘I can’t imagine. I can, however, imagine a colicky child. I had one myself. Nothing worked. Nothing Emilia or I did worked, but we got past that. It wasn’t us, it wasn’t the baby. It was just a simple condition that Giuseppe got over, and I am sure Lily got over, too.’

‘After a while,’ Kim said with a sniffle.

‘Did you try with her after that?’ he asked gently.

‘Not really,’ she replied with a shake of her head. ‘Things started getting even better with work, the collaboration offers were flying in, and Gabriel seemed happy to do it all, so I let him. I let him be mother and father to her. She doesn’t need me, even now.’

The soothing strokes on her back stopped as firm hands gripped her shoulders and Antonio turned her to face him. ‘Now that is nonsense. I have never heard a more foolish remark. Your daughter needs you, Kim. Your husband needs you. You can’t just run away again and turn to work to escape what doesn’t go according to plan in your life.’

‘But …’

He raised a finger to silence her. ‘No. Maybe I can understand that you didn’t have an example to follow, and you felt lost and incapable because of it, but the Kim I know is not a quitter. Six years ago she did whatever she could to free herself of her parents’ hold and established a thriving business all on her own.’

‘Not exactly. I had a lot of help,’ she interjected.

‘I did very little,’ Antonio responded. ‘And Emilia simply opened your eyes to the potential of what you already had inside you. Yes, she might have got you some introductions in the beginning, but it was you who had your wonderful ideas and brought them to life in the first place. We had no part in that.’

‘I wouldn’t say that …’

‘I would. I would also say that you can’t let your fears keep you from your happiness. Follow your own advice: take a chance. If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.’

‘Well, something like that,’ Kim replied with a smile, as he lobbed one of her very own quotes at her.

‘You get my meaning,’ he continued. ‘You need to be that person now. It can’t only be for some time but all of the time, or else you will never have the happiness you want to help others achieve. You’ll forever be the person who came here to Italy as a runaway. Yes, the business is a great success and will continue to be so, but it will be hollow. I assure you. Don’t fall into the trap of letting work achievements distract you from the truth. It’s just somewhere to bury your head in the sand and hide from what frightens or challenges you.’

‘But I truly don’t know how to be the mother Lily needs. I’m not sure I even know how to be the wife Gabe needs. I’m never there.’

‘Hush,’ Antonio silenced her. ‘Have you not been listening to a word I said? You can do this, Kim. But first you must be honest, not only with Gabriel, but yourself. Maybe start by admitting to him how you feel. I’m sure he’ll understand.’

Panic stabbed her heart the moment the words left her mentor’s lips. ‘I can’t tell Gabriel what I just told you – about Lily. He’d hate me. I hate me.’

Antonio scoffed. ‘Gabriel loves you. Very much. He won’t leave you, if that’s what’s bothering you. He’s one of the most honest and honourable men that I have ever known. He is also no fool. I expect he knows a lot about what you’ve been keeping hidden from him, and is waiting for you to come to him when you’re ready.’

‘Do you think?’ Kim replied as a small glimmer of hope ignited in her chest. The fear of Gabriel leaving was one she hadn’t had the courage to admit, but Antonio, as ever, had got to the bottom of her fears anyway.

‘I think you won’t know for sure until you talk to your husband. I can say all the right things in this situation, but it isn’t my assurance you need.’

‘You’re so perceptive it’s annoying,’ Kim said with a smile as she rubbed the errant tears from her cheeks. Despite her efforts, they’d defied her.

‘When Gabriel arrives, do you have plans to talk to him about this?’

‘Not particularly,’ she admitted. ‘There’s so much else going on right now …’

‘I think it would be the perfect opportunity for you to talk. The publicity is in place and the renovations are complete – all’s that left now is the party to celebrate Villa Dolce Vita’s introduction to the world. Everything is ready, Kim. And I can keep any last-minute things covered while you have some important time together with your family.’

Everything he was saying sounded good, but there was still so much for her to consider before her husband and daughter joined her here.

What if Antonio was right? But what if he was wrong ? Gabriel was the best thing she’d ever had in her life and Kim was terrified of losing him.

Then Antonio patted his knees and sighed. ‘I’d better go. I have another meeting before I fly back to Milan this evening. We will talk again?’

‘Sure. Please give Emilia my best. And tell her I can’t wait to see her at the party.’

She stood and walked Antonio out as far as the door of the courtyard. He hugged her one last time before heading back to his car.

‘As you Americans say, you got this. And of course, honesty has always been your finest trait.’

Kim looked up at the glorious blue sky and closed her eyes.

If only he knew.

Then

Annie still couldn’t believe it. It was so surreal that anything like this should ever happen to her.

She looked down over the crystal-clear water and rocky promontories as they flew overhead.

It was the first time she’d been on an aeroplane and though excited, she found herself equally nervous. She tried to keep her eyes from looking down but there was a certain morbid curiosity to it. Besides, she had a window seat, so looking down was practically inevitable.