Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

·48· gwendolen

There is a good postal service, I suppose? It may be necessary to do something desperate. That of course will require serious consideration. I will communicate with you daily.

jack

My own one!

gwendolen

How long do you remain in town?

jack

Till Monday.

gwendolen

Good! Algy, you may turn round now.

algernon

Thanks, I’ve turned round already.

gwendolen

You may also ring the bell.

jack

You will let me see you to your carriage, my own darling?

gwendolen

Certainly.

·49· jack

[ To Lane, who now enters .] I will see Miss Fairfax out.

lane

Yes, sir. [ Jack and Gwendolen go off .]

[ Lane presents several letters on a salver to Algernon. It is to be surmised that they are bills, as Algernon after looking at the envelopes, tears them up .]

algernon

A glass of sherry, Lane.

lane

Yes, sir.

algernon

To-morrow, Lane, I’m going Bunburying.

lane

Yes, sir.

algernon

I shall probably not be back till Monday. You can put up my dress clothes, my smoking jacket, and all the Bunbury suits …

·50· lane

Yes, sir. [ Handing sherry .]

algernon

I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane.

lane

It never is, sir.

algernon

Lane, you’re a perfect pessimist.

lane

I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.

[ Enter Jack. Lane goes off .]

jack

There’s a sensible, intellectual girl! the only girl I ever cared for in my life. [ Algernon is laughing immoderately .] What on earth are you so amused at?

algernon

Oh, I’m a little anxious about poor Bunbury, that is all.

jack

If you don’t take care, your friend Bunbury will get you into a serious scrape some day.

·51· algernon

I love scrapes. They are the only things that are never serious.

jack

Oh, that’s nonsense, Algy. You never talk anything but nonsense.

algernon

Nobody ever does.

[ Jack looks indignantly at him, and leaves the room. Algernon lights a cigarette, reads his shirt-cuff, and smiles .]

Act-drop.



·55· Scene—Garden at the Manor House. A flight of gray stone steps leads up to the house. The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses. Time of year, July. Basket chairs, and a table covered with books, are set under a large yew tree.

[ Miss Prism discovered seated at the table. Cecily is at the back watering flowers .]

miss prism

[ Calling .] Cecily, Cecily! Surely such a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton’s duty than yours? Especially at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you. Your German grammar is on the table. Pray open it at page fifteen. We will repeat yesterday’s lesson.

cecily

[ Coming over very slowly .] But I don’t like German. It isn’t at all a becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.

·56· miss prism

Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should improve yourself in every way. He laid particular stress on your German, as he was leaving for town yesterday. Indeed, he always lays stress on your German when he is leaving for town.

cecily

Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious! Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be quite well.

miss prism

[ Drawing herself up .] Your guardian enjoys the best of health, and his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended in one so comparatively young as he is. I know no one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility.

cecily

I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when we three are together.

miss prism

Cecily! I am surprised at you. Mr. Worthing has many troubles in his life. Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his conversation. You must remember his constant anxiety about that unfortunate young man his brother.

·57· cecily

I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortunate young man, his brother, to come down here sometimes. We might have a good influence over him, Miss Prism. I am sure you certainly would. You know German, and geology, and things of that kind influence a man very much. [ Cecily begins to write in her diary .]

miss prism

[ Shaking her head .] I do not think that even I could produce any effect on a character that according to his own brother’s admission is irretrievably weak and vacillating. Indeed I am not sure that I would desire to reclaim him. I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people at a moment’s notice. As a man sows so let him reap. You must put away your diary, Cecily. I really don’t see why you should keep a diary at all.

cecily

I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life. If I didn’t write them down I should probably forget all about them.

miss prism

Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us.

cecily

Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have ·58· never happened, and couldn’t possibly have happened. I believe that Memory is responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels that Mudie sends us.

miss prism

Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily. I wrote one myself in earlier days.

cecily

Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope it did not end happily? I don’t like novels that end happily. They depress me so much.

miss prism

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.

cecily

I suppose so. But it seems very unfair. And was your novel ever published?

miss prism

Alas! no. The manuscript unfortunately was abandoned. I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid. To your work, child, these speculations are profitless.

cecily

[ Smiling .] But I see dear Dr. Chasuble coming up through the garden.

·59· miss prism

[ Rising and advancing .] Dr. Chasuble! This is indeed a pleasure.

[ Enter Canon Chasuble .]

chasuble

And how are we this morning? Miss Prism, you are, I trust, well?

cecily

Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight headache. I think it would do her so much good to have a short stroll with you in the Park, Dr. Chasuble.

miss prism

Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.

cecily

No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively that you had a headache. Indeed I was thinking about that, and not about my German lesson, when the Rector came in.

chasuble

I hope Cecily, you are not inattentive.

cecily

Oh, I am afraid I am.

·60· chasuble

That is strange. Were I fortunate enough to be Miss Prism’s pupil, I would hang upon her lips. [ Miss Prism glares .] I spoke metaphorically.—My metaphor was drawn from bees. Ahem! Mr. Worthing I suppose, has not returned from town yet?

miss prism

We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.

chasuble

Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London. He is not one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by all accounts, that unfortunate young man his brother seems to be. But I must not disturb Egeria and her pupil any longer.

miss prism

Egeria? My name is Lætitia, Doctor.

chasuble

[ Bowing .] A classical allusion merely, drawn from the Pagan authors. I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?

miss prism

I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll with you. I find I have a headache after all, and a walk might do it good.