Sherryl Woods - Feels Like Family

“You could write a Ph.D. thesis with this much research,” Maddie said.

“I thought it was critical to be well-informed,” Helen replied defensively.

Dana Sue looked over Maddie’s shoulder. “You consulted medical textbooks?” she asked incredulously.

“Well, of course, I did,” Helen replied. “You don’t think I’d rely on only two sources for something this important, do you?”

Dana Sue sat back down. “I think you’re overthinking this whole thing. That’s the problem. It comes down to this, Helen. Do you want to have a child of your own or don’t you?”

“It’s not that simple,” Helen protested. “I can’t just wave a magic wand and be pregnant.”

Dana Sue regarded her with a wicked grin. “Well, the right guy could.”

Maddie swallowed a laugh. “Dana Sue!”

“Well, isn’t that really the bottom line?” Dana Sue retorted.

“No!” Helen said. “I have to know with every fiber of my being that I want this, that I can make the kind of changes in my life that having a baby will require. You were both a lot younger when you got pregnant for the first time. You were married. It was the natural order of things, the right time in your lives. Now, especially for someone who’s spent her life so far married to her career, it’s not that easy. Heck, Maddie, even you wrestled with the decision to have another baby when you and Cal got married, and you had him to support your decision.”

“True,” Maddie conceded. “But I’m still trying to pin down what has you worried. Is it a fear that you’re incapable of devoting the time required to raising a child? Are you concerned just about the process of getting pregnant— natural versus artificial insemination? Are you wondering what will happen to your child if something happens to you? Or are you just afraid that you don’t want this enough to disrupt your life? If that last one is it, then you’re right to worry. This is not something to undertake unless you’re totally committed to it.”

Dana Sue reached over and took her hand. “You do know that we’ll both be around to support you every single step of the way, don’t you? You and this baby will have a big extended family. If you hit any kind of rough patch, you won’t be in it alone, even if you do decide not to do things in the traditional way. You would be an incredible mom. Annie thinks so, too.”

“My kids feel the same way,” Maddie added. “They adore you.”

Helen’s eyes swam with tears for the second time that day. “I know that,” she whispered, swiping at the annoying evidence of what she perceived as weakness. “I guess I never thought I’d find myself in this position. I thought I’d do it all the traditional way. Time just…got away from me.”

“Well, it’s not too late yet,” Dana Sue said firmly.

“From a medical standpoint, I know that,” Helen said. “But you touched on something that does worry me. What if something happens to me? Knowing I’m the only parent could make a child feel incredibly insecure.”

“Which is why your child will always know they can turn to any of us,” Dana Sue reminded her. “Now let’s get down to business. We can stay here all night and go through those lists of yours item by item, if that will help.”

Already somewhat relieved by their reassurances and their commitment, Helen shook her head. “No, but thanks. I’ll work this out.”

“Soon,” Maddie said.

“Soon,” Helen agreed, though she immediately felt the pressure starting to build again. She hated knowing that there was no time to waste, that a decision of this magnitude couldn’t be put off forever.

Maddie struggled up from the sofa with an assist from Dana Sue. If she was this awkward now at only four and a half months, Helen couldn’t begin to imagine how ungainly she’d be by her ninth month. For some reason the image made Helen want to weep all over again. She did want that for herself. The awkwardness, the belly out to here, the kick of her baby keeping her awake at night.

It was the aftermath that terrified her—the middle-of-the- night feedings, pacing the floor trying to soothe a crying baby, letting go of a tiny hand on the first day of school, having to make excuses to the court when her child had chicken pox, making sure homework was done, teaching her son or daughter the dangers of alcohol, smoking and premarital sex. The litany of things that could make the difference between raising a happy, well-adjusted child and a kid destined for disaster scared her out of her wits. Despite the accolades from Dana Sue, Maddie and their children, what if she was lousy at all of it? What then?

“You’re overthinking it again,” Maddie said, interrupting Helen’s thoughts. She tapped her chest. “Listen to what’s in your heart. It won’t steer you wrong.”

Helen hugged both of them fiercely. “Thank you for not listening to me when I told you to go away.”

Dana Sue grinned. “Not a problem. We’ve spent a lifetime ignoring your orders. We enjoy it.”

“That’s true,” Maddie agreed. “Now get some rest. Maybe this will all be clearer to you in the morning.”

Helen doubted that, but she did feel better for having these two old, and very dear, friends offering her unconditional support. It was the one thing she should have realized she could count on long before tonight.

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