Sylvia Andrew - Reawakening Miss Calverley

When he looked up again he saw that her eyes were open and she was staring at him blankly. ‘I thought I was safe,’ she said quite clearly. ‘I thought he hadn’t seen me…’

‘Who, Anne?’

The deep blue eyes were still wide. With a small frown she said, ‘Why are you calling me Anne? That isn’t my name.’

‘At last! You’ve remembered. What is it?’ But the urgency in his voice had disturbed her.

Now wide awake, she said, ‘Of course I remember! It’s An…’ She paused, wrinkling her brow in desperate concentration. ‘It’s…’ But after a moment she put her hand over her eyes, and said with a sob, ‘I almost had it! It was there! But it’s gone again.’

James cursed himself for an insensitive fool at the despair in her voice. He took her hand away from her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed you. Were you dreaming?’

‘I think I must have been. I was passing an open door. The room inside was full of smoke…’ She shook her head in angry frustration. ‘I can see just the corner of that room—what use is that?’

‘It will come in its own good time. Don’t try to force it.’

‘But I must! You have no idea what it is like—’ She stopped, and almost visibly pulled herself together. ‘I know you want to help. Mrs Culver said you were out today looking for clues—about me.’ Her eyes searched his face, and then she gave a sigh and looked away. ‘You didn’t find any,’ she said despondently.

‘It’s true that we didn’t find many,’ he said, ‘But we found a few and we’re working on them. You mustn’t be unhappy. You’re making wonderful progress. Who got you up? Mrs Culver?’ She nodded, and he went on,

‘My grandmother used to wear that robe when I was a child. The blue suits you.’

‘Would Lady Aldhurst mind my wearing it?’

‘She would be delighted. Anne—’ He stopped. ‘May I call you Anne, until we know better? I hope so—I have something for you.’ She nodded and he produced a book from his pocket. ‘This too is my grandmother’s. I gave it to her when it was first published, and I think it is now one of her favourites. You might enjoy it. It’s about a girl called Anne. It might amuse you while you have to stay indoors.’

Anne took the book. ‘Persuasion, by Miss Jane Austen.’ She turned the pages cautiously then looked up with a tremulous smile. ‘What a relief! I can read! I was afraid for a moment that I might have forgotten that, too.’

The uncertain smile undermined him. Forgetting his sensible resolutions, he drew her up and put his arms round her. After a moment, she said in a muffled voice, ‘You must think me such a coward.’

‘I think nothing of the sort,’ he said. He held her for a moment or two, his cheek against hers, then he put her carefully back into her chair, and moved away to look into the fire. He said, ‘All the same, I shouldn’t be here at this time of night, holding you like that…The rest of the world would never believe it was innocent. I’m supposed to be protecting you. Mrs Culver is right. I must find somewhere else where you can be kept safe until you remember who you are.’

Anne considered him gravely. ‘Am I not safe with you?’ she asked.

‘Of course you are!’ he said forcefully. ‘That isn’t what I meant.’

There was a short silence. Then she said hesitantly, ‘Are you afraid your fiancée might not understand the situation? Do you want me to go because she might be hurt or angry if she heard I was staying here with you?’

He turned round again in surprise. ‘My what?’

‘Mrs Culver told me you are to marry soon. Someone in London.’

‘The devil she did! I wonder who the lucky girl is. Did she tell you that?’

‘She mentioned a Lady Barbara?’ said Anne hesitantly.

‘Lady Barbara? Did she indeed?’ He took a breath and went on grimly, ‘Mrs Culver is mistaken.’

Anne looked at the frown on his face and said quietly, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘I’m glad you did. I am not engaged. I never have been engaged, and if it were left to me I never would be engaged. This is my grandmother’s doing! She and Cully are desperate to see me married off and producing heirs for Roade House, but I have no intention of letting my grandmother or anyone else dictate when and whom I should marry. No, it is for your own sake that you should go, not for the benefit of an entirely mythical fiancée.’

Anne got out of her chair and put her hand on his arm. ‘Then let me stay here,’ she said. ‘You’re the only one I trust at present.’ She hesitated and then went on, ‘I shall have to leave sometime soon, I know, but the thought of going out into the world before I’m used to the idea terrifies me.’

‘What do you mean—have to leave? Who would make you?’

‘I can’t stay here for ever. I’m sure Mrs Culver would like to see the back of me as soon as possible. And if my memory never returns I shall have to find some other place, where I can earn a living without it. But…I know I’m a coward, but please don’t send me away yet.’

James saw how pale and weary she looked. ‘If your memory doesn’t return, Anne,’ he said gently, ‘I’ll make sure you’re not left alone to find your way. Do you believe me?’

She nodded and he went on, ‘But now I think you’ve had enough for today—let me call Rose or someone to see you to bed.’

Before she sat down, she hesitated and said, ‘Will I…will I see you tomorrow?’

James shook his head. ‘Not tomorrow.’ She looked disappointed and he explained, ‘I must spend the day at Roade, but I’ll see you the day after. We could go for a walk in the garden if you are strong enough. Meanwhile, promise me you’ll stay in this room while I am away. Walk a little, read your book—and try not to worry.’ He went to the door and turned to bid her goodnight, but when he saw the droop to her head he found himself saying, ‘I’ll see if I can call on you tomorrow before I go out. Goodnight, Anne. Sleep well.’

Rose was slow in coming, and Anne sat gazing into the fire for some time after James had gone. Her fears were briefly forgotten as she allowed herself to dream. So Mrs Culver had been wrong—James was not about to marry anyone, not engaged, and, from what he had said, didn’t have anyone in mind either…

And after Rose had come and gone she lay awake, inventing a fairy tale to keep her fears about the future at bay. She would recover her memory, and turn out to be an entirely suitable bride for an Aldhurst—the daughter of an earl perhaps, or even a duke. They would fall in love, marry and live happily ever after at Hatherton. What would it be like to sleep with the man you loved, to have his arms around you, holding you, caressing you…? Her last thought before she finally fell asleep was that, though Lord Aldhurst was most unlikely to fall in love with her, she was more than halfway to falling in love with him already.

But Anne paid dearly for indulging in these romantic fantasies, with a series of nightmares. She was faced with a dark red door that she knew was familiar, but she struggled in vain to reach its knocker…Then, in the way of dreams, the door changed into a spreading pool of dark red blood, and, terrified, she fought to save the man lying at its centre, her heart racing and gasping for breath, struggling against the cruel hands that were dragging her away…Suddenly the hands holding her were James Aldhurst’s hands, and she sobbed with relief as she looked again from the protection of his arms and saw that both the pool of blood and the body at its centre had disappeared. She turned thankfully back to him, but when she looked up, his face was cold and distant and he pushed her away, and gradually disappeared into the distance, deaf to her cries.