Noelle Holten - Dead Inside

A division of HarperCollins Publishers

www.harpercollins.co.uk

KillerReads

an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain in ebook format by HarperCollins Publishers 2019

Copyright © Noelle Holten 2019

Cover design by Ellie Game © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2019

Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com

Noelle Holten asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008332235

Version: 2020-09-28

To Buster (aka #TheBear) – my sounding board, best friend, soul mate and saviour.

Missing you every-single-day.

Contents

Cover

Title Page A division of HarperCollins Publishers www.harpercollins.co.uk

Copyright KillerReads an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk First published in Great Britain in ebook format by HarperCollins Publishers 2019 Copyright © Noelle Holten 2019 Cover design by Ellie Game © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2019 Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com Noelle Holten asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library. This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008332235 Version: 2020-09-28

Dedication To Buster (aka #TheBear) – my sounding board, best friend, soul mate and saviour. Missing you every-single-day.

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-Two

Chapter Fifty-Three

Chapter Fifty-Four

Chapter Fifty-Five

Chapter Fifty-Six

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Chapter Sixty

Chapter Sixty-One

Chapter Sixty-Two

Chapter Sixty-Three

Chapter Sixty-Four

Chapter Sixty-Five

Chapter Sixty-Six

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Chapter Seventy

Chapter Seventy-One

Chapter Seventy-Two

Chapter Seventy-Three

Chapter Seventy-Four

Chapter Seventy-Five

Chapter Seventy-Six

Chapter Seventy-Seven

Chapter Seventy-Eight

Chapter Seventy-Nine

Chapter Eighty

Chapter Eighty-One

Chapter Eighty-Two

Chapter Eighty-Three

Chapter Eighty-Four

Chapter Eighty-Five

Chapter Eighty-Six

Chapter Eighty-Seven

Chapter Eighty-Eight

Chapter Eighty-Nine

Chapter Ninety

Chapter Ninety-One

Chapter Ninety-Two

Chapter Ninety-Three

Chapter Ninety-Four

Chapter Ninety-Five

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

A Note From Noelle

Keep Reading…

About the Author

About the Publisher

The crash at the bottom of the stairs woke me instantly.

I could see the smallest sliver of light peering underneath the door. The rest of the bedroom was in complete darkness.

I froze.

Should I get up and check on Siobhan? But, I knew if she had woken up, she would tap her fingers on her headboard like she always did, to let us know she was awake.

No tapping.

I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t, I was paralyzed with fear. I had always accepted the verbal abuse that was thrown at me. I could take that. It was the physical abuse that filled me with shame. I couldn’t help but shudder in dread as he stumbled his way up the stairs. I pretended to be asleep, but my heart raced faster with the sound of every footstep. My fear of him weighed me down, suffocated me, and pinned me to the bed.

We had two years of bliss before he proposed to me.

Two years of living normal, happy lives.

What happened?

Six months into the marriage, I realized I’d sealed my fate when I’d said, ‘I do’.

Ten years later, and the regrets were mounting.

Who would have thought that two little words would have given me such a long sentence?

Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

The bedroom door creaked open slowly. That’s what he did. Let me know he was coming, then built on my terror by taking his time to enter the bedroom.

I could hear his breathing as he stood there, his eyes bearing down on me. I tried to keep as still as possible. I wanted to disappear, sink deep down into the depths of the mattress where it was safe.

The foul stench of alcohol filled the room, stinging my eyes, and threatening to choke me.

Oh God! Please let him just ignore me tonight.

The dull thud from the change in his pocket startled me, as his clothing fell piece by piece to the floor.