Rosie James - The Long Road Ahead

‘Most of it was vile,’ Sam said cheerfully, ‘or we all thought so at the time. But – I don’t suppose it was, really. You know how fussy kids can be.’ He looked down at her, pulling her in more closely to him. ‘All the time I was there, do you know the thing I looked forward to most? Having one of your letters – no, honestly, I mean it. Having letters when you’re away from home helps to keep you going, and yours certainly helped to keep me going, Alice. As soon as I saw your writing on the envelope I couldn’t wait to rush upstairs and read your letter in private. And it always made me smile because you had such a funny way of saying things.’

‘And I loved having yours,’ Alice said. ‘I used to just soak up everything you said, everything you wrote. I remember wishing that I could dress up as a boy and come to your school too!’

He nodded. ‘You were certainly like a sponge, Alice…you always took in everything I told you, and I was constantly surprised at how you never forgot any of it. You were so anxious to learn, to be informed.’ He glanced down at her. ‘It was one of the many things I liked…admired…about you,’ he added.

Alice didn’t return his gaze, feeling slightly embarrassed. She hadn’t realized that Sam had ever admired her…not in that way. They’d always liked each other, that was obvious, but any admiration had been one way, or so she’d thought.

After a while they stopped walking, and stood to lean over the wall and look across at the suspension bridge: the scene, from a slightly different angle, which Alice had stared at from her bedroom window, all those years ago. And for a few seconds, she wished with all her heart that she could stop the clock. This really was like the old times, when she’d felt so relaxed, so happy, so confident, just being with Samuel Carmichael. But…wait…these new times were even more wonderful! Because the person she had always truly loved, had told her that he truly loved her! What could possibly spoil her peace of mind?

She frowned briefly. When you asked that sort of question, you were likely to provoke an answer you weren’t expecting. Because who could guarantee a permanent peace of mind – especially in a relationship? Things change, people change and – although her love for Sam would never change – she had acquired another, a different, side to her own personality that she hadn’t expected. Perhaps Fay’s influence was to blame, but Alice liked the feeling that she could stand on her own feet, could make her way in the world that need not involve staying at home all day just cooking and keeping house like most women had always expected was their lot. Since the war things were different…

Presently, Sam broke the silence – they’d hardly spoken for several minutes – ‘I had no idea that we were to be honoured by having the company of my brothers and sisters tonight,’ he said. ‘I only got back to Bristol myself this morning, and I haven’t seen my father yet today. But he clearly thought that my siblings should be here to congratulate me on my matrimonial choice…and to see you again, Alice. One good thing, there’ll hardly be any need for formal introductions,’ he added.

‘It will be lovely to see them all again,’ Alice said, remembering that the only recent times they had been together had been at Helena’s death bed, and at her December funeral and later memorial service.

Sam cut in on her thoughts. ‘I’m sure that the girls will be longing to ask you all the details about the wedding,’ he said. ‘I believe that women enjoy that sort of thing. And you, of all people, know what Rose and Margaret are like. They’ll be bombarding you with questions so have your answers ready!’

Alice shrank at the words. For a couple of hours she’d completely forgotten about the wedding and everything that went with it. She had been dwelling on the gentle past, and what she’d begun to view as the somewhat confused future… She cleared her throat.

‘Oh, I shall have some questions of my own to ask them,’ she said. ‘They are not very good at keeping in touch – and I’d like to know what they’re up to at the moment.’

‘Hmm, I think my father would like to know that as well,’ Sam said. ‘At twenty-two years old, with university behind them, they should have at least some idea of what they want to do. They were abroad with friends for part of last year, I do know that,’ he added.

Presently, as they began strolling back – ‘Tell me about your afternoon with your friends…Fay and Eve,’ Sam said. ‘Did you have a good time?’

Alice’s heart lifted at the words. ‘It was lovely,’ she said, ‘we always have such a fun time when we’re together. Fay is, well Fay is a rugged individual, shall we say, while Eve is the complete opposite. But our Evie had some wonderful things to tell us because her parents have come around to accepting her boyfriend – which she didn’t think would ever happen.’

‘Why not?’ Sam asked curiously.

‘Because he, Max, is a divorcee – or soon going to be,’ Alice said. ‘They don’t agree with divorce, you see.’

Sam shrugged briefly. ‘Well, it’s not the most desirable thing, I suppose,’ he said, ‘but if it happens, it happens. Life can be unpredictable.’

His remark didn’t surprise Alice. Sam was wise…a worldly-wise man. ‘And as for Fay – her news is that she’s learned to drive and bought herself a car,’ Alice went on. ‘She was quite excited about that, especially as it means she’s going to be able to take her mother and grandmother out for a little trip sometimes.’ Alice paused briefly. ‘She is very, very fond of them both,’ she added, ‘and actually lived with her grandmother for some years, because she and her father apparently never got on when she was at home.’ Alice looked up at Sam. ‘I cannot imagine not wanting to live with my parents, can you, Sam? When you were young? She was always going on about her father – said she hated him, and was always really rude about him which made us laugh, but which I thought was a shame…’ Alice didn’t go on. She’d had her own darling Papa for so few years of her life– he had died when she’d been ten years old – the thought of not wanting to live with him, not wanting to see him, seemed wicked and wrong.

‘Well, of course boarding school certainly causes some separation,’ Sam pointed out, ‘but the holidays soon come around, and knowing that my parents, the family, were all still there at home meant everything to me. And no, I can’t imagine not loving them.’ Then, after a moment – ‘I would really like to meet your friends,’ he said, ‘Fay and Evie…perhaps you could try and arrange something and I’ll do my best to fit in?’

Alice nodded. She couldn’t wait to introduce Sam to her two best friends. ‘As a matter of fact, we’re all going to be together next weekend,’ she said, glancing up at him, ‘because we’ve been asked to a party at the farm…it’ll be the first time we’ve been there since we were demobbed…but it’s Mrs. Foulkes’ birthday on Saturday and Roger – that’s their son – wants us to be there as a surprise.’ Alice smiled. ‘And of course Fay is going to drive us in her car… I hope we don’t get lost!’

‘Well, I’d certainly like to meet Fay and Eve before the wedding,’ Sam said, ‘and we must discuss the guest list soon, so that we can start thinking about reception venues.’

Alice glanced away briefly. If she was honest, what she would really like was for her wedding to Sam to be a quiet event, perhaps in a small country church somewhere, where no one knew them, and where it wouldn’t matter what her dress looked like. And if, God help her, she later turned out not to be the best wife for Samuel Carmichael after all, a quiet, simple wedding would barely be remembered for tongues to wag and gossip about afterwards…unlike a splashy, St. Mary Redcliffe affair.