Brenda Minton - The Cowboy's Holiday Blessing

Someday she’d regret this moment, the moment she decided not to walk away. But the past had to be conquered. She couldn’t spend her life running from the fear. Standing there looking at Jackson Cooper, all of that fear, rational and irrational, rushed in, pummeling her heart.

She took a deep breath and Jade reached for her hand, holding her in that spot.

“Travis, maybe it’s time for you to go.” Jackson slapped his little brother on the back. “And if you can, keep your mouth shut.”

Travis tipped his hat. “Will do, brother. If I can.”

“Try. Real hard.”

Travis laughed as he walked away. Madeline watched him go and then she couldn’t ignore Jackson any longer. He stood in front of her, an imposing six feet of strength, muscle and charm.

She watched Jade’s retreating back as she followed the dog into the stable. Madeline fought back the urge to run, because running was easy. Something had clicked in Sunday services a few weeks ago, about facing life with God’s strength, not our own. If she couldn’t be strong on her own, she could be strong, more than a conqueror, with God.

“Jackson, I know this isn’t easy. I think the sooner you tell your family the better.”

“I’m going to do that. It isn’t as if I’m a kid who’s afraid to go home and tell his dad he messed up. I’ve messed up plenty in my life, Madeline. I know exactly who and what I am.”

That’s good, because she didn’t know him or what exactly he was. He could be charming and funny. He helped a woman pick up her spilled canned goods. He always showed up first when a neighbor needed help. The tornado last spring had been an example of that. He’d worked tirelessly on homes that were damaged. He’d hauled food and water to people trying to rebuild their lives.

She’d admired that about him. Admired him from a distance, of course. Distance kept a person safe.

“You’re a good person, Jackson.” The words slipped out, honest but ugh, so embarrassing once they were said. She looked away, seeking Jade, making sure the girl hadn’t decided to climb on a bull or a wild horse.

Jackson stared at her for a long minute and then he smiled.

“Madeline, I think that’s about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“I doubt that. But honestly, about Jade…”

He glanced at his watch. “What are you doing here so early?”

“We got out at noon today. I forgot to tell you that earlier.”

“Right, a holiday?”

“For the kids. A planning day for teachers.” She started toward the barn, drawn by the whinny of a horse and laughter. Jackson walked next to her. She glanced up at him. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure. I can’t find any information on her mother’s death. And I emailed a friend in law enforcement. She hasn’t been reported missing.”

Madeline stopped walking. “So where do you think her mother is?”

He didn’t have a clue. “Maybe she’s the one that’s missing? I might have to drive to Enid. I’m going to keep searching because I’m starting to think she’s not actually from Enid.”

“You think?”

“What, you came to that conclusion first?”

She smiled because the look on his face said he clearly didn’t think she could think of it first. “The thought had crossed my mind. I think there’s far more to her story than she’s telling.”

“The guy is always the last to know.” He motioned her inside the stable ahead of him.

Madeline loved barns of all kinds, but this one took the cake. Shadowy and smelling of hay and horses, it stretched from stalls to a wide aisle that led into the arena. Country music played softly and Jade stood in front of a stall petting a pretty black mare.

The girl smiled at Jackson, hazel eyes glittery and full of light. “She’s a beautiful horse.”

“I thought so.” Jackson walked up next to the girl. “After she settles down I’ll let you ride her.”

“I’ve never ridden a horse.” Jade’s voice came out breathless and wistful.

“I guess that’s something we’ll take care of.” Jackson turned to smile at Madeline and she felt a little wistful, too. “What about you, Ms. Patton?”

“I’ve ridden a few times with Andie Johnson.”

Jade stepped back from the horse who had her head down, munching hay. “Why don’t you have a Christmas tree?”

Jackson blinked at the rapid change of topics. Madeline nearly laughed because he clearly needed to adjust to how a teenage girl’s brain worked. He didn’t understand that a girl like Jade could have a dozen or more things going on in her mind at once.

“I guess ’cause I don’t need one.”

Jade’s mouth opened at that revelation. “You have to have a Christmas tree. How can you have Christmas without a tree?”

Jackson shrugged. “Because I go to my parents’ house and they have a tree.”

Madeline didn’t want to jump in but Jade turned, clearly intending to pull her in.

“Do you have a tree?” Jade asked, her attention now on Madeline.

“I have a little one.” Pitiful, really. She had a pink tree with silver ornaments. It had seemed like a good idea at the time because it came pre-decorated.

Now a pink Christmas tree just seemed wrong.

“Christmas isn’t about a tree.” Jackson stepped in, almost defensive.

Jade blew out, obviously disgusted. “I think I know that. The tree isn’t what Christmas is all about, but it kind of makes me think more about the holiday.”

“We’ll get a tree.” Jackson herded them toward the door of the barn. “Tomorrow.”

Madeline thought about tomorrow, the day she planned on baking bread, decorating her house and then working on finishing touches at the Dawson Community Center’s living nativity. She also needed to run to town and buy ingredients for candy.

“We can drive my truck out to the back pasture and find a decent cedar. And if Madeline needs a tree, we can cut her one, too.”

“I really don’t.” Madeline stiffened when his hand went to her back, lingered and then moved away. When she glanced at him his hands were in his pockets and his smile had disappeared.

“Of course you do.” He looked down at her. “We’ll cut down trees and then we’ll come back here for hot chocolate and cookies.”

Jade’s face lit up. “Perfect.”

Madeline wanted to disagree. Perfect would be how she’d describe her life before this morning, before being invaded by the two Coopers standing next to her. Perfect would be her little pink tree being left alone and her heart not hammering out the tune “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.”

She didn’t want those thoughts, those dangerous-to-her-heart thoughts. She didn’t want to be afraid. Of what, she asked herself. Afraid of rejection? Afraid he’d hurt her? Or worse.

Always worse.

God’s strength. She reminded herself that she could do this, she could face her fears. She could be the strong person she sometimes knew existed inside her.

Tomorrow should be good enough to start on being strong. Today she had to deal with her emotions tumbling inside her, mocking her because she’d thought she had them locked up tight.

Jade and Jackson were still talking and laughing, discussing the plan for tomorrow. She wanted to explain that she already had plans. Instead she chose escape.

“I should go. I need to get some stuff done at my house before our big adventure tomorrow.”

Jade walked away from the horse but her gaze lingered on the animal, and then turned to Jackson. Of course she wanted to stay with him. Madeline understood that. But Jade, like so many kids that Madeline knew who were used to disappointment, brushed it off. She raised her chin a notch, shrugged, and let it go.