Cassie Miles - Indestructible

Before she left, she decided to put away the dinner she’d prepared for him so she wouldn’t have to face it when she came home.

She picked up the unused china from the table. Her mother had given her the delicate Wedgewood blue-patterned plates for her hope chest. They were supposed to be for after she got married. That wasn’t likely to happen now. Melinda was seven months away from becoming a single mother.

This wasn’t the way her life was supposed to work out, but she wasn’t totally miserable about the prospect. She wanted children, and she had to admit—though she was furious at Drew—that he was an excellent sperm donor: healthy enough to tackle all those extreme sports he seemed to love. Smart enough to be a decent reporter. Motivated enough to make a success of his life. I could have done worse.

A heavy sigh pushed through her lips. Drew’s flaw was his inability to make a commitment. A man like him didn’t want to be tied down, and it wasn’t as if he’d made her any promises.

Neither of them had ever declared their love. Do I love him? The word had been poised at the tip of her tongue once or twice. But she hadn’t actually said it.

With the plates put away, she surveyed the massive dinner. All this food would go to waste; she didn’t have the appetite to sit down and eat.

But Drew probably did. He must be starving and wouldn’t have food in his house after being away for three weeks.

On a paper plate, she put together helpings of pot roast and rutabagas. Might as well give him the entire apple pie. Being pregnant meant she ought to concentrate on healthy foods that would nourish the baby. And, of course, she should return his wine.

With both hands full, she climbed the stairs to his apartment, intending to place the food outside his door then return to her apartment, call and tell him dinner was served.

As she approached his door, it opened.

She held out the plates. “You might as well have this food. I’m not hungry.”

He took her by the arm and pulled her forward. “We need to talk.”

“Be careful. I don’t want to spill.” She allowed herself to be led into his apartment, where she set down the plate, the pie and the wine on the kitchen counter. “I invited you for dinner. And here it is.”

He closed the door to his apartment, folded his arms across his broad chest and leaned against the door. “A long time ago, I made myself a promise. If I was ever so blessed as to become a father, my child would have a better life than I did in foster care.”

She didn’t know he’d been raised in foster care. Drew never spoke of his childhood, and she’d assumed that he came from a privileged background. With all his jetting around the globe, he seemed like a trust-funder. “What happened to your birth parents?”

“They’re dead. I have no family.”

He spoke with such harsh finality that she couldn’t bear to look at him. Her gaze darted around the room. Though Drew had lived here for almost four months, his apartment still looked unsettled. There was a desk, a huge leather sofa with a coffee table in front of it, a television, two straight-back chairs and not much else. No pictures on the walls. His reference books and magazines were stacked around his desk in piles.

“Melinda, I want to do the right thing.”

“Don’t worry. I would never cut you out of your child’s life.”

“Our child,” he said. “This baby belongs to both of us.”

This simple, obvious declaration sank deep into her consciousness. No matter what she did for the rest of her life, she’d be connected to Drew through their child. “Why do I feel like I should apologize? I didn’t get pregnant by myself, you know.”

“I haven’t forgotten one minute of our lovemaking.”

Neither had she. When he took a step toward her, she retreated. “You just stay over there.”

“That’s not what you really want. Tell me how you’re feeling, Melinda.”

“I’m confused.” She felt an incongruous smile sneak onto her face. “And I’m excited. I love babies, and I’ve always wanted children. Single motherhood is a difficult prospect, but I know my parents will be supportive. They always are.”

“How do you feel about us?”

“Well, I can’t help wishing things were different.”

“I’m not good with relationships,” he admitted.

“Ooooh, big surprise.”

“Sarcasm? That’s the coward’s way out.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you because I don’t know you.” When they talked, he told her about his adventures and the exotic places he’d been. She knew nothing about who he really was. “I didn’t even know you were a foster kid.”

“You want a biography? Fine. I bounced around in foster care until I was ten. Then I was placed with Belle and Harlan Anderson in Lead. That’s a little town in the Black Hills near Rapid City. I was a loner, but I had a girlfriend in high school. My first love. She died in a car accident.”

Though the tone of his voice remained steady, she heard an echo of sorrow. “I’m sorry.”

“On my eighteenth birthday, I went to New York. It’s a good place to disappear, and that’s what I did. I was too busy trying to survive to make friends. I managed to get to my senior year in journalism school while working a regular job and an unpaid internship at a sports magazine. I fell in love.”

Melinda was glad to know these sketchy details about his past. Even if Drew wasn’t destined to be part of her life, their child should know something about his father. “What happened with that relationship?”

“She left me.”

As he moved toward her, she could see the tension in the set of his jaw. When he talked about his first love, he’d been almost wistful. Now, he was angry.

“There’s more to that story,” she said.

“Her name was Pamela Forbes. She got a job offer in Europe and didn’t want to settle down.”

He stood directly in front of her. The magnetism she always felt when she was close to him arced between them, but she resisted. She hadn’t come upstairs to fall into bed with him.

She wanted to understand him. If there was a possibility of a relationship, she didn’t want to close that door. She owed it to herself and to her unborn child to figure out what role Drew would play in both their lives.

“Sounds like you were furious with Pamela.”

He shrugged, trying to dispel his tension. “What was it you said? Spilt milk? There’s no point in looking backward.”

“You can learn a whole lot from past mistakes.”

“I found out that Pamela was pregnant. She wasn’t honest like you, didn’t step up and tell me. But I found out. And when I heard, I was happy. I saw a chance for a normal life. Married with children. It was too much to hope for.”

Gosh, he was cynical. Why shouldn’t he expect a normal life? Instead of understanding him better, she was even more confused.

He continued, “I bought a diamond ring in a pawn shop and went down on one knee to propose. That’s when she told me she’d been dating other men, her company was sending her to Paris and she’d already made an appointment for an abortion. I never saw her again.”

“You haven’t had much luck with commitments.” She was beginning to understand why he’d gone into shock when she told him about the baby.

“As long as I’m being honest,” he said, “I was going to tell you tonight that I’m leaving Sioux Falls. It’s necessary for me to be out of touch for a while.”

“What does that mean? Out of touch?”

“I won’t be able to communicate with you.”

“Wait a minute.” Before she came upstairs to his apartment, she’d been adjusting to the idea that Drew wouldn’t be in her life. But this was too abrupt. “Wherever you go, there are going to be phones.”