Julie Kagawa - Rogue

But there was a distinction between cheating death and knowing the exact time it would come for you, down to the last second. And there was a difference between dying in battle and standing there with your hands behind your back, waiting for your former brothers in arms—the very soldiers you had fought with, bled with—to kill you.

Five and a half hours till dawn.

I didn’t regret my choice. I’d meant every word I said in the courtroom. And if it came down to it again, and I stood on that beach with the dragon I was sent to kill, knowing that if I let her go I would die instead… I would still choose to save her.

But I had betrayed my Order, and everything I knew, to side with the enemy. I’d seen fellow soldiers die in front of me, torn apart by claws or blasted with dragonfire. I’d watched squad mates throw themselves in front of bullets or charge into the fray alone, just to give the rest of us an advantage. I knew I deserved death. I’d turned my back on the Order that raised me, the brothers who had died for the cause, to save our greatest foes. I knew I should feel remorse, crushing guilt, for family I’d betrayed.

But lying on my cot, mere hours from my own execution, all I could think of was her. Where was she now? What was she doing? Did she think of me at all, or had I been long forgotten in the flight from Crescent Beach with the rest of her kind? Surely there’d be no reason for a soldier of St. George to cross her mind; she was free, she was with her own, and I was part of the Order. I was still the enemy of her people. Though it made me sick to think of it now, the number that had died by my hand. Ember should hate me. I deserved nothing less.

But I still hoped she thought of me sometimes. And as the minutes of my life continued to slip away, I found myself thinking more and more of the moments we’d shared. Wondering what would’ve happened…had we both been normal. I knew that wishing was wasted energy, and regret changed nothing, but for perhaps the first time in my life, I wished we’d had more time. If I’d known what would happen, I would have spent every moment I could with her. I would have done a lot of things differently, but it was too late now. Ember was gone, and in a few hours, I was going to die. Nothing would change that, but at least her face would be the last thing on my mind before I left this world.

I hope you’re happy, Ember, wherever you are. I hope…you’ll always be free.

Five hours till dawn.

Ember

“Wake up, Firebrand.” Riley’s voice was soft and deep, and my dragon stirred to life at his touch. “It’s 2:00 a.m. Fifteen minutes till go time.”

I lifted my head from the pillow, fighting the grogginess pulling me down. The room was dark; only one lamp had been left on, and outside the sky was black. I hadn’t thought I could sleep, but I must’ve been more exhausted than I’d felt. After the three of us had gone over the plan, Riley had told me once more to get some rest, and I’d drifted off almost as soon as my head touched the pillow.

The plan. I sat up as my heart began an irregular thud in my chest. It was time. This was it. Tonight we were going after Garret.

“Better get dressed,” Riley said, nodding to my backpack on the bed. He had changed, too. No longer in dusty jeans and a white T-shirt beneath his jacket, he now wore a dark shirt that clung to his chest and arms, black jeans, gloves and a belt with several compartments and pouches on the side. At the desk, Wes was garbed in all black, too, a ski cap perched on his head. But he looked sullen and scared, like he’d rather be doing anything else. Riley, looming over me at the edge of the mattress, looked completely in his element, and my heart gave a weird little flip in my chest.

“Come on, Firebrand,” Riley urged as I sat there, blinking at him. “We’re sort of on a time schedule, here. Get your ninja suit on, and let’s go.”

“Right.” Shaking the final cobwebs from my brain, I grabbed the backpack from the corner and hurried to the bathroom. Unzipping the top, I rummaged around until I found what I was looking for and pulled it out.

The sleek black bodysuit unfurled in my hands like a spill of ink, shaking free of wrinkles, creases, everything. It had been a final gift from my trainer when I’d “graduated” basic training and would’ve started my real education. The formfitting suit was specifically tailored for me and would not rip or tear like normal clothes when I Shifted into my true form. The constantly warm, clinging fabric seemed to melt into my skin when I changed, and still covered my body when I turned back, so it was probably the coolest thing I owned.

It was, I’d discovered later, the outfit of the Vipers, Talon’s deadly and notorious assassins, which was what they’d wanted me to become, too. Needless to say, I had issues with hunting down and killing my own kind simply because Talon ordered it. Talon’s rule was absolute, and the Vipers were used to silence dragons who weren’t loyal to the organization. Dragons like Riley who had gone rogue. I couldn’t do it. And because Talon wouldn’t accept no for an answer, I’d gone rogue, too. That was the main reason I’d left the organization. I would not become a Viper like my trainer, Lilith—ruthless and unmerciful, willing to kill without a second thought. I refused to turn into that.

But the suit definitely came in handy.

I slipped into the outfit, shuddering as the fabric sucked at my skin, melding to my body. Yeah, the magic ninja suit was awesome, but the way it felt almost alive was still creepy as hell. After putting on my shoes and shoving my normal clothes into my backpack, I left the bathroom and nearly bumped into Riley on the other side of the door.

He put out his hands to steady me, but quickly pulled them back with a grimace. I frowned in confusion.

“What? Do I smell or something?”

“No,” he muttered, not meeting my gaze. “Sorry. It’s not you, Firebrand, it’s just…” He made a vague gesture at me. “That thing. Brings back fun memories, if you know what I mean.”

I suddenly realized the problem. “I look like a Viper,” I said, and he nodded.

“When you’ve been out of Talon as long as I have, the last thing you want to see is that outfit. Because it usually means you’re fighting or running for your life.”

“I’m a rogue now, too, Riley.”

“I know.” He reached out and brushed the base of my neck. A jolt of heat surged through me from that spot, as his fingers lingered on my skin. Riley’s gold eyes almost glowed in the shadows. “I’m glad you’re here, Firebrand,” he said, his voice low and soft. “I’m glad I won’t have to meet you down the road someday as a Viper. That would kill me, having to fight you.” His mouth twitched in a faint smile. “You have no idea how relieved I am that you left the organization. That you saw Talon for what it really is.”

I swallowed, the warmth spreading through my whole body as the dragon rose to the surface, pushing against my fragile human shell. The Viper suit tightened, flattening to my skin until it felt like I wasn’t wearing anything at all. I could Shift, I realized. Right here in this tiny hotel room. What did I have to lose? No one would see me but Riley and Wes. And then, if I Shifted, Riley would probably change, too. I wanted him to. I wanted to see his true self, his other self, the one who called to my dragon and who peered down at me with gleaming golden eyes.

Cobalt.

Get it together, Ember. I breathed deep to cool my lungs, to calm the fire spreading through me, and tried to grin back. “Yeah, well, I bet you didn’t know what you were getting into,” I said lightly.

“Doesn’t matter.” Riley dropped his arm and stepped back as if he couldn’t bear to touch me anymore. Or perhaps, if he kept touching me, a large blue dragon would suddenly make a very explosive appearance in the middle of the hotel room. “But if we live through this, you owe me, Firebrand. Big-time.” He glanced at Wes, who was packing his laptop into a shoulder bag, his jaw set. “Everyone ready? Once we start, there’s no turning back. Wes?”