Kitty Neale - Lost & Found

‘Lily, I don’t think I want to go. How about I get another job locally?’

‘Why the sudden change of heart?’

‘It’s you, love. I don’t think I can stand to be away from you for months on end.’

Lily was tempted to agree, but common sense took over. If Ron worked locally he’d be down the dog track as soon as he got his first wage packet and, as usual, she’d be left with hardly a penny. At least if he was working away, and if he stuck to his promise, the future would be rosy. Yes, she’d miss him too—well, she thought, smiling wryly, she’d miss the sex—but it wasn’t forever.

‘Yeah, it’s gonna be rotten,’ she placated, ‘but if you don’t go in with Pete, there’ll be no chance of your own business. Not only that, it’s a bit late now to let him down.’

Ron scratched his head, and then ran a hand around the stubble on his chin. ‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right.’

‘Of course I am. Now come on, get yourself up, and I’ll see what I can rustle up for your breakfast.’

‘A nice bit of bacon would be nice.’

‘Bacon! Leave it out, Ron. I’ve got ration points for four ounces, but no money to buy any. There’s an egg and I’ll fry that with a couple of bits of toast.’ And with that remark Lily left the bedroom to hurry downstairs.

Ron lay back on his pillow, flooded with shame. What was the matter with him? He’d asked for bacon, spoken without thought, and now Lily was going to fry him their last egg. What would that leave for her and Mavis? Sod all!

He’d been a shit of a husband, a shit of a father, but he really was going to change now. Lily deserved better. Mavis deserved better. Thinking about his daughter now, Ron frowned. He didn’t know why Lily was so hard on the girl, and when he got the chance he tried to intervene, yet somehow that only made things worse. Mavis might not be bright, but she was beautiful, with a personality to match, and surely she could do better than domestic work?

Ron dressed before he picked up the bucket to take downstairs to the outside lavatory. He emptied it first then sat down on the wooden seat, shivering with cold. Christ, to have an inside bog would be heaven, and once again he burned with shame. If he didn’t blow his wages every week they could rent a better house, one with a bit of comfort for Lily and Mavis.

Still, he thought, assuaging his guilt. Things were going to change. He’d send Lily five quid a week without fail and she could start looking for somewhere decent to live.

Still shivering, Ron headed for the tiny outhouse where he dashed cold water over his face, then shaved. When he at last entered the warmth of the kitchen, he found Lily had a pot of tea made, and said as he sat at the table, ‘Pete will be here in half an hour.’

Lily poured the tea, only saying, ‘It’s a bit weak. I had to use the same tea leaves again, and there’s no milk.’

‘It’s fine and I hope you haven’t cooked my breakfast.’

‘I was just about to.’

‘No, love, I’m not hungry,’ he lied. ‘We’ll have a bit of breakfast on the way to Bracknell. I’m just sorry I can’t give you any money before I go, but by the end of the week I’ll be able to put something in the post.’

‘Yeah, right,’ Lily drawled.

Ron couldn’t blame her for doubting him; after all, he’d let her down so many times before. Lily had been a diamond for putting up with him, but for some reason, and Ron didn’t know what had brought about the change, he felt as though the scales had been lifted from his eyes. He’d been a bastard, a mug who had made the bookies rich while his wife and child had gone without. No more! From now on he wanted a decent future, for all of them, and by God he’d work like a dog to see that they got it. ‘Lily, I don’t deserve you, but I swear I’m going to make it up to you.’

‘That’d be nice, but was that another pig I just saw flying past the window?’ was her sarcastic reply.

‘You’ll see, but for now, can we talk about Mavis? I won’t be here when she leaves school, but I think she could do something better than cleaning.’

‘Like what? She can’t read or write, so working in a shop is out. Forget a job in a factory too. She wouldn’t be safe around machinery. What does that leave?’

‘I dunno, but there must be something.’

‘Ron, like me, you’ve got to face it. Mavis is slow and when she leaves school she won’t be able to find a job. I know cleaning ain’t much, but it’s better than nothing.’

Ron drank his tea and then stood up, pulling Lily from her chair and into his arms. ‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Christ, love, I’m gonna miss you something rotten.’

Lily was stiff for a moment, but then as always she melted. ‘I’m gonna miss you too. But, Ron, please, don’t let me down. Not this time. I don’t think I can take any more broken promises.’

‘I won’t. In fact, now that I’m going to send you money every week, you could look for another house. Somewhere with an inside lav and even a bathroom.’

‘We’ll see,’ was Lily’s cryptic reply. ‘I’d best get Mavis up.’

Ron tightened his arms momentarily before releasing her, his expression grave as he watched Lily walk to the bottom of the stairs, her shout loud as she called to Mavis. He wouldn’t let her down, but only time would convince Lily of that. In the meantime he was leaving her with nothing. He cursed the race track, the money he’d lost on Friday and vowed never to set foot near the dogs again.

‘Mavis, come on, your dad’s leaving soon,’ Lily yelled.

Ron heard a thump, a door opening and then Mavis was running downstairs. She hesitated for a moment when she saw him, but then ran into his arms.

‘Oh, Dad, please don’t go.’

‘I’ve got to, but don’t worry, the time will fly and I’ll soon be back,’ Ron said. Mavis felt thin and fragile as he hugged her and Ron realised that it had been a long time since he’d held his daughter. As a little girl she had clambered onto his lap, but those occasions became rare as she grew up. He’d shown her so little attention—too little affection—and though the words felt thick in his throat he forced them out, ‘I love you, darling.’

Mavis pulled back, her lovely blue eyes wide as she looked up at him. ‘I … I love you too, Daddy.’

Oh, God, Ron thought, he didn’t deserve her love, or Lily’s. All he had cared about for so many years was his next wage packet, the chance to get down to the dog track, followed by the pub, and by the time he showed his face at home, nine times out of ten Mavis had been in bed. He’d shown no interest in her school work, had accepted it when Lily said that their daughter was backward. In fact, in all honesty, he had dreamed of a son.

Ron looked at Lily over Mavis’s head. They had tried so hard, but surely it wasn’t too late? There was still time, and once he got himself sorted out, maybe they could find out why she hadn’t fallen pregnant again. It would be different this time, he’d be a decent father, a good provider, and when he and Pete made a success of their business, he’d have something to pass on to his son. With money coming in, there’d be no need to worry about Mavis’s future. He’d look after her, see she was provided for, Lily too, his wife able to take it easy at last.

Lily went to answer a knock on the front door, leading Pete into the room. ‘Are you ready, mate?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I’m ready,’ Ron said, gently moving away from Mavis. He stepped across the room, facing Lily. ‘Right, I’m off, and don’t worry, I’ll get some money to you soon.’

‘Here, Ron,’ Pete said, holding out a crisp white note. ‘Sorry it’s late, but I forgot about that fiver you lent me last week.’