Yasmin Sullivan - Return to Love

“Reggie, Reggie, I’ve missed you so much,” he had murmured over and over.

His deep voice sent tingles down her back, and when he whispered it against her ear, her body had broken out in goose bumps, and an agonizing pressure built up at her center.

“Tell me what you need, baby,” he had said.

She couldn’t speak, and she just held on, clinging to his shoulders. She only needed.

Then he had moved his hand down between them and begun to massage her while he moved inside of her, making her moan, making her grind against him, tears streaming from the corners of her eyes. Then the first waves of climax hit her, and her body gripped his length. He groaned and thrust against her, but waited for her full release before burying his face next to hers and bucking inside of her as he rode his own wave of orgasm. When it was over, she had turned from him, and he had pulled her back against his chest, and they had slept spooned together that way.

Remembering the night sent arrows of heat through Regina’s body. She was letting the memory overwhelm her, when she needed to be figuring out what to do now and where they would go from here.

Only, there was no they, and one night of passion didn’t erase six years of frustration and hurt and loneliness. It didn’t bring back their child or make their wedding happen. It didn’t turn back time.

* * *

Nigel had woken up early, before dawn. He couldn’t get back to sleep, but he didn’t want to wake up Regina. He thought about it—round two—but decided he had better not. His day would have to start in a bit, and he wouldn’t be able to take his time.

He just held her for a while, smiling to himself because she was back in his arms. His happiness was tainted by the fact that their child had been lost. He still needed to deal with that, and he needed to help Regina deal with it, too. He could see how much she was still hurting, and how angry she was that he hadn’t been there. He could never make up for that, but he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying.

Nigel slipped out of bed just as the sun was about to come up. He washed up as best he could, dressed and went to look for something for them to eat. He didn’t know whether she had to be up early on a Monday or what time the studio opened, but he knew he would wake her before he left. This way, they could have breakfast together. They could start their day and their lives together, start healing.

He found her key on the counter next to her purse and drove down the street to see if any place was open. It turned out that he could have walked, because the café on the corner already had customers. He got them bagels with cream cheese, bacon and eggs, pancakes, orange juice and coffee—more than they could eat.

When he got back, he heard her running water in the bathroom but decided not to disturb her just yet. He found a fork and sat down to his breakfast, checking out her pieces on the walls and thinking about where each one could go when they had their own place.

Nigel caught himself imagining their life together and sighed. They had a lot of talking and healing and forgiving left to do, but he was eager to begin the journey.

* * *

Regina didn’t smell the bacon until she was almost finished getting dressed. Was he still there? She threw on some slacks and a top and peeked out of her bedroom.

He smiled at her from the dining table and began moving the packages he had brought the night before to clear a space for her to sit. His smile almost turned his face into the boyish one she had known before—almost. The cheeks plumped out the way they used to, but the rougher angles remained.

“I thought I smelled bacon...”

“Good morning, beautiful. You did.”

“...but I knew I didn’t have bacon in the house.”

“No, I ran down to the corner to get us something. I hope you’re hungry because I think I overdid it. Come sit.”

Before she could sit down, he pulled her onto his lap and into a long hug. He kissed her cheek and her forehead. He didn’t seem to notice that her body stiffened now at this touch. And before she could protest to the affection, he released her to the chair he had cleared.

She could tell that they weren’t on the same page about last night. She wasn’t ready to broach the issue, but she knew she had to.

“I thought you were gone,” she said.

He must have read that hesitance in her voice as concern or disappointment because he slid his hand under her chin to pull her face toward his. He caressed her cheek with his thumb and said, “No, no way. You must think I’m a rat.”

He let her face go and uncovered her plate and juice, smiling at her. “I know I have a lot to make up for, a lot to prove, but I won’t be running out ever again. I just went to get us some eats. I figured we needed it after last night, which was...amazing.”

Regina looked at the mound of food in front of her and tried to figure out how to get them on the same page.

“I got up early and didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t know what time you had to be up.”

“Early.”

“Then eat up.”

Regina heard the mirth in Nigel’s tone when he mentioned last night. She read the possessiveness in Nigel’s eyes when he looked at her. In contrast, she couldn’t even bring herself to eat. Tired of pushing the food around on the plate, she put the fork down and just looked at it, trying to find the right words.

He came around the table and knelt down next to her chair.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Reggie? I know there’s hurt, but we’ll face that together now.” He put his arms around her and pulled her toward his chest. Regina tensed, not responding to the embrace.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I think we need to talk.”

Nigel scooted back onto his chair. He bent toward her and covered her hand with his own. “Okay. What’s going on?”

“Last night was...”

She saw his face drop, as if he could tell what was coming.

“...like it used to be between us.”

“But?”

“But it’s just what it was.”

“Which is?”

“Something we both needed.”

He let go of her hand and leaned back in his chair.

“That’s not all it was, Reggie. Don’t you know that?”

His voice was calm and sincere, but it had an edge that bordered on exasperation. His eyes pleaded with her to see it his way.

“That’s all it can be. I don’t even know you anymore.”

“But that’s what I want, Reggie—for us to spend the time getting to know one another again. You don’t have to make any decisions now. Just give it a chance.”

Regina got up and covered her plate before taking it to the fridge. She needed to be away from his eyes for a minute, to have something to do with her hands. His eyes followed her every move.

“No. We had a chance. I can’t go back there. Maybe I’m just finally getting over what happened back then.”

“Maybe I am, too. Maybe it’s something we can do together.”

She whirled around and looked right at him. “I can’t just forgive you for leaving and then for not being there when I needed you.”

He balled his fists and shook his head. They had finally gotten to the real issue.

“You told me to leave. You put me out. You can’t put me out and then hold it against me when I go. And you didn’t tell me about...the baby.”

“We were engaged. I needed you to be more serious about life, especially about our life together. You weren’t supposed to jump ship. You were supposed to grow up. You should have been there.”

“How can—”

“Stop. I’m not going to argue with you. And that’s all we can do now because we’re never going to agree on it.”

Regina got up from the table. This wasn’t going well. They were never going to see eye to eye. She disappeared into the bedroom and returned with a small, black jewelry case.