Emily Forbes - Navy Officer to Family Man

Juliet nodded. ‘Thanks, Mags.’

Maggie squeezed her shoulders. ‘No probs. Now, can I make you a cup of tea before I jump in the shower?’

‘No, I’m fine really. The kids should be back soon. Have a shower while there’s still some peace and quiet.’

Maggie disappeared into the guest bathroom and was still in there when Sam and the children returned. Juliet met them at the door and Sam handed her the car keys and a pizza box. ‘We thought you probably hadn’t eaten. It’s a Margherita.’

‘Thank you,’ she said as she took the box from Sam’s hands. Margherita was her favourite. Sam had always been good at the little things but it was the big things that had torn them apart. He could remember her favourite pizza topping and how she liked her tea but couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to move house every three years for the rest of her life.

Let it go, she reprimanded herself, it’s over.

She took the pizza into the kitchen and she could hear the children asking Sam to tuck them into bed before he left. She let Sam help them brush their teeth, change into their pyjamas and read them a story while she ate a couple of slices of pizza, leaving some for Maggie. When the children were ready for bed she stood and watched as Sam kissed them goodnight, amazed as always that she and Sam had created two incredible little people. Two miniature versions of themselves.

But the similarities between her and her daughter were physical rather than psychological. Kate, with her thick dark hair and bright blue eyes, was the spitting image of herself at the same age but she was far more reserved than Juliet had ever been. Juliet was stubborn and headstrong and prone to making quick decisions; Kate was far more measured and in control of her emotions, even at the age of eight. Juliet sometimes wondered if Kate’s dyslexia had influenced her personality. Had she learned to take her time with her responses to ensure she made fewer mistakes or was she simply less volatile than her mother?

Edward and Kate were as different as chalk and cheese, both in looks and behaviour. Edward had inherited his father’s looks and much of his personality. They were both adrenalin junkies, both attracted to danger. She was constantly on the lookout around Edward because he was still too young to assess risk. Sam liked order and routine, he liked to follow the rules and would never make a rash judgement. Juliet hoped Ed would develop some of his father’s sense as he matured but she was worried because she suspected Sam might have always had that slightly sensible gene and that healthy regard for the rules may have been reinforced by his defence force upbringing. Sam’s love of order and routine had certainly helped him to cope with the frequent moves that he’d been exposed to as a defence force brat. From what he ate for breakfast and how he read the paper to the system in his wardrobe and in his bookshelves, Sam was a creature of habit. Even the kids’ bedtime routine had been started by Sam. And now Juliet had taken away some of that.

She followed Sam’s lead, kissing the children goodnight as an unwelcome thought burrowed its way into her head—other than their children, they hadn’t made much of a success of their life together.

August 2008

JULIET was rushing around the house, trying to get several last-minute jobs out of the way before fetching Edward from kindergarten, when she was interrupted by a knock at the door. A postman waited with a letter, registered mail. She showed the postman her driver’s licence as identification and signed for the envelope with a shaky hand. She knew what the envelope contained? it could only be one thing. It had been a month and a day since she and Sam had been in court.

This was it. Her self-imposed D-Day.

She’d been delaying a whole host of things, things she couldn’t put off any longer. She hadn’t set a date exactly but she’d decided that once the divorce was final and she had the paperwork that said so, she would have to face facts.

She took the envelope to the kitchen and slit it open with a knife.

It had been a month and a day since she’d seen Sam, one month and a day since they’d been in court. Her divorce was absolute. It was there in black and white in front of her. She was now officially a divorcee.

Before she could procrastinate again or let herself be distracted by the children, she did the two things she’d been avoiding. She slid her wedding and engagement rings off her finger and slipped them onto her right hand. It was a slightly tighter fit but she wasn’t ready to be without them totally, though she also had no cause to still be wearing them on her left hand. The rings felt heavy on her right hand and her thumb automatically fiddled with the bands. She supposed she’d get used to the sensation.

One more task to do. She picked up the phone but hesitated before dialling. She put it onto the kitchen bench while she deliberated. What if she didn’t need to make this phone call after all? She palpated her left breast with her fingers, hoping, once again, that maybe the lump had disappeared. But it was still there, about the size of a small walnut. She retrieved the phone and made a long-overdue appointment with her doctor.

‘Good morning, Juliet,’ Dr Wilson said as she called her into the consulting room. ‘What can I do for you today?’

‘I’ve found another breast lump,’ Juliet said as she sat down. She had a history of benign nodules and she’d had various tests done in the past but thankfully they’d all come back negative for any malignancy.

‘When did you notice this one?’

‘A few months ago,’ she answered honestly.

‘Any changes in this one?’

‘I think it’s got bigger.’

Dr Wilson looked at her with one eyebrow raised. ‘Any reason why you haven’t been in to see me sooner?’

Juliet knew that the change in the size of the lump should have sounded warning bells. It had, she just hadn’t had the time or energy to deal with it. Part of her had also tried to pretend that this lump was just like all the others and they’d been fine, hadn’t they? But she knew that this lump wasn’t the same—it had kept on growing.

‘Sam and I got divorced. I had a lot on my plate.’

‘I’m sorry to hear about the divorce?that must have been tough.’ Dr Wilson paused before adding, ‘Do you want my lecture on how important it is not to neglect your health now or should I save it for later?’

Juliet shook her head. ‘Save it. I know I owe it to my children to look after myself, that’s why I’m here.’

‘Fair enough. Let’s have a look at this lump, then, shall we?’

Juliet undressed and was poked and prodded for the first of what would become many times over the course of the next few days. The lump was tender but no worse than the others had been.

‘How big was it when you first noticed it?’ Dr Wilson asked.

‘About the size of a pea,’ Juliet recalled.

‘Just under a centimetre, then. It’s now between three and four. When did you notice that it had got bigger?’

‘Probably five or six weeks ago,’ Juliet estimated. It had been around the time she and Sam had gone to court, which was one reason she’d ignored it. It hadn’t reached the top of her list of priorities yet.

‘I think we need to check this out further. You can get dressed and then I’ll take some blood, and I’m also going to send you off for a mammogram. You haven’t had one before, have you?’

‘No, only ultrasounds.’

‘It can be a bit difficult to get a clear picture with a mammogram in the under forty-five age group because your breast tissue is still quite dense, but I want to do that so we can get a look at the size and shape of the lump and a clear idea of its position. I’m going to refer you for a biopsy as well but those results will take a little longer to get back.’