Natalie Stenzel - Forget Prince Charming

“Uh-huh. You’re losing me, Haley.”

Haley sighed, wondering how to get her point across without being insulting. “I need to look for someone who isn’t flashy or good-looking. When I’m with a hottie, I get all caught up in his looks and can’t see past that. I want the nice guy who lost out to the gorgeous jerk. Basically, I need to find my very own sweet, reliable, but very overlookable—” She paused to look around, searching and sputtering, before settling almost defiantly on the appropriate term. “—geek.”

Jen eyed her for a shocked moment. “I see. I don’t know whether to be offended that you’re calling Frank a geek or curious about this perfect Jimmy Plankett.”

Haley waved her hands as if to erase the impression of her last statement. “I didn’t mean anything personal against Frank. He’s perfect. I want one just like him. All I meant in suggesting he was a geek is that you don’t look at him the first time and immediately realize his great qualities. Nothing about him shouts Stud Muffin or Mr. Personality. But, according to you, he’s a wonderful husband. Right?”

Jen laughed reluctantly. “Okay. I see what you’re getting at. So tell me about Jimmy Plankett.”

Haley paused, smiling slightly. “Jimmy Plankett gave me my first kiss.”

“This makes him a geek?”

Haley turned stern eyes on her friend. “Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Sorry. You were saying?”

“Okay.” Haley paused, gathering her thoughts. “I was in seventh grade and Jimmy and I had this mutual crush going on. We’d pass goopy notes and hold hands in the hallway. Innocent stuff.” She closed her eyes, remembering. “He was very shy. Short, too. But nice eyes.” She sighed. “Anyway. I could tell he wanted to kiss me for a long time but he couldn’t quite work up the nerve. Then one day, right in front of my locker at school, he pulled me close and kissed me.”

“How sweet.” Jen smiled.

“Hmm. Yes. But then our braces locked together.”

Jen groaned.

Haley nodded. “My algebra teacher had to walk us to the principal’s office so they could call for help to untangle us. There we were, joined at the eyeteeth, stumbling down the hallway together with kids laughing and whispering. Talk about embarrassing.” She grimaced momentarily then looked up to meet Jen’s eyes. “But you know what? Jimmy held my hand through the whole thing.”

“He’s the perfect guy?”

Haley’s smile was smug. “Even better. He’s Mr. Sweet Geek, like your Frank. His kind of guy would never dream of cheating on his girlfriend.”

“So, whatever happened to you two?”

This was the embarrassing part of the story. “Well, I kind of broke it off after the cutest guy in our class asked me to dance at the Spring Fling. I swear, for weeks and weeks after that I only had eyes for…” She paused, frowning. “You know, I can’t even remember his name anymore. But I do remember Jimmy.”

“Really.” Jen gave her a pointed look.

Haley groaned. “Yes, really. Oh my God. That’s my problem, isn’t it? I never matured past the age of thirteen.”

“Ah. Progress at last. So where do we find Jimmy Plankett?”

Haley made a face. “According to my mother, in Omaha, Nebraska, married with three kids. Mom keeps track of these things. Pulls them out with the guilt trips whenever she’s interrogating me about my love life and her grandbaby prospects. The woman is dangerous, I tell you. Intelligent and subtly, persistently malicious.”

Jen laughed. “She is not, you idiot. She just wants you to be happy and have lots of babies for her.”

“Yes, I know, and if I don’t find a man of my own, I guarantee she’s going to find one for me.”

“Why don’t you let her? She probably meets available men every day at the TV station.”

Haley gave her a harassed look. “Just whose side are you on anyway?”

Jen grinned back unrepentantly. “Yours, yours. Forgive me, I couldn’t resist.”

“I’ll forgive you if you help me find a sweet geek of my own.”

Jen’s grin faded at the sincerity behind Haley’s words. “You’re serious about this.” She stared hard at her friend and her voice grew cautious. “Now, Haley. I think you need to calm down a little before you do anything crazy. You’ve never been seriously attracted to a Frank or a Jimmy Plankett. I personally think you’d walk all over somebody like that. Besides that, don’t you think you’re tackling this project a little too soon after your breakup with Peter?”

Haley shook her head resolutely. “I’m twenty-eight, Jen, and the clock is ticking. Come on, you’re only six months older than me and you already have a career, a husband, two kids and a mortgage. I’m way behind. And it’s your duty, as my best friend and role model—”

“My duty!”

“—to help me catch up. So, where do I meet my man?” She looked up expectantly, never doubting that eventually…

Jen sighed, her gaze still on Haley. “Oh, all right. If you really want to do this, I’d better help you. With a plan as flaky as this, someone needs to keep an eye on you.”

Seeing the doubt that still lingered on Jen’s face, Haley sighed. “Look. I know all of this sounds hokey. Just another harebrained Haley scheme.” She paused. “It’s just that I’ve realized something about myself. Something bad enough to warrant drastic, corrective measures.”

Jen gave her a curious look. “What?”

“Well…in all the ways that count, I guess I’ve been as much of an idiot about dating as these guys who keep disappointing me.” Haley grimaced. “You don’t fall in love with a guy’s tight butt or cute grin. That’s just stupid and shallow, but that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing up to this point. So, in that respect at least, I suppose I’ve deserved every jerk I’ve ever dated.

“But I’m through with all that. I swear.” Haley held up a hand as though vowing. “It’s time I grew up and started looking a little deeper. And this plan…” She shrugged. “Well, look at it as a first step toward that.”

Jen regarded her with new interest. “You know, Hale, I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve said since you stormed into this place. Well, besides the part where you dumped Peter.” She grinned.

“So that means you’ll help me?”

“I said I would.” Her eyes clouding in thought, Jen began taping up the box, winding, snipping and smoothing, her motions methodical.

“Thank God.” Recognizing that Jen was now completely in her corner, Haley cased the front sidewalk for customers. No one in sight. She reached behind the counter for a clipboard and pen and looked up expectantly. “So where do we start?”

“Just hold on. I’m thinking.”

Setting the clipboard on the counter, Haley wrote Strategies for—Then she paused, frowning. Something descriptive? Like Finding my very own sweet and reliable, if—Oh, just go for direct. Strategies for Geek Hunting. Good. To the point. She quickly scribbled it down and glanced up.

Her gaze directed out the front window, Jen was already muttering thoughtfully. “I guess the best way to approach this would be from a career and interest standpoint.”

“Exactly. Career and interest. No shallow studs. I want a guy capable of conversation.” She jotted No studs. “But how do I do that?”

“Hangouts, maybe?” Jen murmured doubtfully. “We could target a few interesting places and go from there.”

“Right.” Haley jotted Target locations with high geek probability and underlined it.

“Libraries, bookstores, computer stores. Hmm. That last one’s good. You won’t find some self-involved, directionless hunk in a computer store.” Jen turned a speculative eye on her friend.