Ann Aguirre: The Shape Of My Heart

“Wait, I thought you were done?”

He sighed at me. “The mechanical overhaul is done, but now I’m working on cosmetic restoration. I can’t stop until it’s finished.”

“The fate of the world hangs in the balance?” I teased, shaping the thawed meat into patties. Next I sliced up some onions to caramelize.

“I promised somebody, that’s all.” His expression was strange and serious, unlike the guy I’d known for three years.

But Max was...odd. Like, he gave the impression he was all jokes, all about the party, but then he flipped a switch and revealed a glimpse of the real person underneath. In all honesty, I was much more interested in that guy—the serious, smart, intense one. Most people had no idea he was a mechanical engineering major, which required knowledge of physics, thermodynamics, kinematics, structural analysis and electricity. And hell, I only knew that because I looked it up on Wikipedia after finding out what he was studying.

“That sounds like a story,” I said quietly.

He held my gaze for two beats, then looked away. “I guess it is.”

Message received.

I finished our food and we ate in front of the TV, then went back to killing things in the game. But by nine, I was bored. I put down the controller, stretching my stiff muscles in an exaggerated arch of my back. “Okay, I’m done.”

“Don’t go,” he said.

“Huh?” Startled, I swung back toward the couch, catching a bleak, sad look in his dark, dark eyes.

It was like realizing a friend had been hiding raw slashes under their sleeves all this time. His thick lashes swept down, covering the expression, but it was too late. I can’t unsee it. My chest felt tight with indecision. If I made a joke, he’d take his cue from me, and it would be like this never happened. Maybe that would be for the best.

“I don’t want to play anymore,” I answered.

“We could go for a ride.”

To me, it seemed like Max didn’t want to be alone tonight. He rode his bike when he was running from something, but he’d never invited me along. There was no excuse to refuse since classes hadn’t started up again. I made a snap decision.

“Okay, let me get a jacket.” My pants and concert T-shirt were fine, so I added boots and a hoodie with a skull on the back.

“That was fast.” He jiggled his keys with one hand and grabbed me with the other, yanking me out of the apartment and down the stairs. As we approached his bike, he asked, “Have you ever ridden one of these before?”

“What do you think?” I was curious what he’d say.

“Probably...yes.”

“You are correct, sir. Don’t worry, it’s not my first time.”

“If you knew how happy it makes me to hear that.” He flashed a flirty grin over one shoulder, but I identified it as bullshit.

The wounded eyes? Those were real. Not this. So I put on the helmet and wrapped my arms around his waist, content to be the warm body on the back of his bike. I didn’t need to be beautiful to be a friend when he needed one.

Just for a few seconds, he set his hands over mine, where they rested on his abs. “Hold on tight. I’m about to show you something amazing.”

“Where the hell are we going?” I yelled.

Max didn’t answer, but he turned off the highway, so the going got much rougher, and I tightened my arms around his waist. We bounced along for another mile, following the natural curve of the road. Before I saw the rapids, I heard the rush of the river, audible as the motorcycle dropped to lower idle. He parked the bike and I swung off, unnerved by the complete darkness. Without speaking, he led me through a tangle of branches.

“If you want to freak me out, it’s working.”

“Trust me.” His fingers folded around mine, and I clutched tight.

∆Out here there was only the fast-moving water, the wind through the leaves and the chirp of insects. When we emerged from the trees, my breath caught. The sky opened up before me in an endless stream of stars with the river cascading below, tumbling over the rocks in a burst of white foam. Moonlight shimmered on the water, a fairy trail luring men to their doom, if you believed in old legends.

“Wow. How did you find this place?”

“I drive around at night...a lot.” He wore a contemplative look as he added, “‘It is Earth’s eye—looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature.’”

“Did you seriously just quote Thoreau?” I didn’t mean to sound so surprised since I knew as well as anyone that Max was smarter than he let on.

“Are you judging a book by its cover?”

“Sorry, reflex. Please continue astounding me with your big brain.”

“No, now you went and made me self-conscious. But just look... It’s amazing, right?”

I nodded. “Just like you promised.”

“Come out, just a little farther.” He led me onto a rise overlooking the river. “I sleep out here sometimes.”

“Nadia’s convinced you’re hooking up or crashing at the garage when you don’t come home.” It was weird saying that to a guy, like we were family or something, but sometimes it actually felt as if we were.

“The garage office reeks of oil and sweaty ass.”

“I can see why you’d prefer it here, though I’d probably wet my pants the first time an owl hooted. Is that a thing?”

“Yes, there are owls here, city girl.”

“Hey, I was born in Chicago, and my mother is opposed to camping on principle. ‘Our people have wandered the wilderness long enough and from now on, we sleep in warm beds.’”

“She sounds opinionated.”

“You have no idea.”

“Sit down. Unless you’re scared.”

“No, I’m okay.” Though I wasn’t quite sure why he’d brought me out here, I couldn’t deny that it was beautiful. I plopped down beside him, crossing my legs in a crooked Lotus pose.

Max let out a shaky breath, staring out at the river. He was careful not to look at me. “I got a call from my dad today.”

From what I knew of Max—not a whole lot, granted, as he didn’t talk much about his past—that was a huge deal. In the three years we’d been hanging out, he’d never mentioned his family. “Yeah?”

“My grandfather died.” His tone gave me no clue how to react, and the shadows were too deep for me to read his expression.

“Okay, so is this a ‘wow, I’m so sorry’ moment, or more ‘thank God the old bastard’s finally gone’? Give me something here, Max.”

He sat in silence for a few moments. “Little from column A, little from column B. See, I come from a long line of violent assholes. Good drinkers, too, proud, easily offended, even though none of us have ever amounted to shit.”

“Looks to me like that streak ends with you.” I put my hand on his where it rested on his knee, and he leaned toward me. Not going for a kiss but to rest his head on my shoulder.

“You always know what to say.” His voice was softer, warmed by my smooth talk.

“So what’re you doing about the funeral? Do you want me to help you pick out a floral arrangement or something?”

“No, that’s the thing. I brought you out here, hoping the incredible scenery would make you willing to do me a favor.”

“What’s that?” He had no pets and no classes yet that I could audit for him and take notes. So I was drawing a blank as to what Max could possibly need from me .

“I was hoping you’d come home with me. To Providence.”

“What? Why?” Those were the first of many questions to sputter out of me.

“I haven’t been back since I went away to school, and I can’t be alone with my dad, not even for a minute. It...won’t be good.”