Carissa Ann Lynch - My Sister is Missing

But therein lies the problem – what did happen down there? I’d played in those woods all my life and then one day something had gone seriously wrong. The details leading up to that day were not only sketchy, they didn’t exist at all. Flashes come and go sometimes, but I haven’t thought about it for a while. I could remember going down there to play after school. I could remember the pain and the red, red, red, and the hospital room after … but other than that, my accident was a gray, smudgy speck on the part of my brain that controlled my memories.

‘I want to go now! It’s after five! We should be down there already.’ Ben was tugging at the door handle now, impervious to the fact that it was locked.

‘I can’t get it open. Open up, door!’ He smacked the door with an open, frustrated palm.

‘Ben, chill out! I’m getting my shoes on.’ What the hell does my sister do when he acts like this? And where is she, anyway?

My sandals were lined up next to the random shoe pile, my sister’s blue Nikes sitting next to mine. She was wearing those yesterday when I arrived. Did she wear a different pair of shoes to the store?

I decided then that there was no store in this scenario – the chances of her grocery shopping for five hours were pretty slim. She must have put on different shoes, but where the heck had she gone? She hadn’t said anything about having to work today, and surely, the kids went to daycare while she worked…

I considered the possibility that maybe my sister had gone to speak to John. That was probably it. She probably used the opportunity of having me here, to go and try to rekindle things with him.

Ben reached for my right hand and yanked on it. Shelley pulled on the other. As I thought about going down to those woods, my face felt hot and tingly.

I stared at my sister’s sneakers. This strange thought was taking shape, that if I wore her shoes, the answers to all my questions would seep into my skin, like where she went and what this mysterious thing was she needed to talk to me about…

I did, in fact, put her sneakers on. My sandals wouldn’t hold up well in the woods, anyway.

‘Alright, let’s go … oh, hold on. Wait, guys.’ I rushed back into the kitchen and pulled out a pad of paper and pen from the junk drawer. With shaky hands, I scrawled a short, sloppy note on the paper: Took the kids to the woods. BRB.

We went out the front door, Shelley leading the way and Ben marching behind her. Together, we circled around the inn, and both children made a beeline for the woods.

There was a narrow path at the center of the forest, the same path I’d followed as a kid…

I stopped walking, the world around me tilting left, then right, and then forward and back. I tried to steady myself, breathing in through my nose.

From here, the path appeared to be moving like a twisted snake. The mouth of the woods the snake’s gaping, waiting mouth … waiting to devour me whole.

‘I can’t.’ I choked the words out, bending at the waist and closing my eyes to stop the dizzy spell. Ben and Shelley were running straight for the snake’s mouth, much to my dismay.

‘Stop! Stop now!’ I screamed. At my wild cry, they both halted immediately.

‘Back in the house. Back in now! Please,’ I whispered, motioning them to come back toward me. Reluctantly, they shuffled back.

‘Let’s go inside. It’s going to rain,’ I rested my hand on their backs, practically pushing them back toward the inn.

‘No, it’s not! Look at the sun!’ Ben shouted. ‘I want to go now.’ The words came out strangled through his clenched teeth.

‘Now,’ he repeated, stomping his foot as he turned back toward the woods. Shelley hunkered down, looking as though she might cry.

‘It’s okay. We can come back later. We’ll play pretend inside,’ Shelley tried to coax her brother. Ben rocked back and forth, finally dropping down to the ground.

‘But Mommy takes me every day,’ he moaned, anxiously rubbing his own cheeks until they looked red and splotchy.

‘I’ll bring you later, I promise. I just … not right now, okay? I want to go inside and wait for your mom.’

‘I’m staying here,’ Ben huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest.

What am I going to do with this kid? My eyes travelled back to the woods. The path looked normal now, just a dirt-trodden trail I’d followed a million times as a kid, but as I considered going, the path turned wavy again.

I need to get inside now. As I bent down to pick up Ben, I forgot about that whole ‘lift with your knees’ bit. Lifting him from the ground, I let out a painful groan. To make matters worse, he started to kick and twist in my arms.

‘No! I’m staying out here!’ He threw his head back, nearly slamming against my teeth as I whipped my own head back to get out of his way. I trudged back up the hill, Shelley in my shadow and Ben flopping doggedly in my arms.

Back inside, I released him from my arms, panting. Worried he might try to run back out, I collapsed on the living room carpet beside him. Shelley sat down too, giving herself distance from Ben.

‘I’m sorry if I disappointed you. I know your mommy and you have a routine. But, when I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my head in those woods. Now, every time I think about going down there, I get really sick and nervous. Do you know what it feels like to be nervous, Ben?’

Ben looked exhausted now, curling up in a ball on the floor. The tantrum had sucked the life right out of both of us. I need Madi here to help me , I thought, dejectedly.

‘I get nervous a lot,’ Ben whispered. He surprised me by scooting close to me, and the next thing I knew, he was curled up on my lap.

***

We ate dinner at the table. Noodles again. My sister didn’t come home, and she didn’t call back either.

Ben loved the noodles, although by the time he was finished, there was more pasta covering his lap and chair, than he could have possibly consumed. Shelley, on the other hand, was nice and neat, wiping her mouth more than necessary, and tucking her napkin onto her lap like a fancy lady. They couldn’t be any more different from each other, but they were hooked at the hip, despite their age difference.

Ben seemed fine now, the temper tantrum temporarily forgotten. What will happen tomorrow when he wants to go again? I wondered. But then I thought, Madeline will be back by then. I’ll let her take him.

After dinner, I gave them both a bath. They insisted on taking one together, assuring me that it was okay, and they always did that. It felt strange, being around children like this, and being the one in charge. I couldn’t help feeling as though I was one of them, just playing the part of grown-up in our own made-up play.

Ben and Shelley didn’t wash much; they splashed around, squirting each other with green and pink rubber duckies, until the other screamed and got mad. By the time they were through, the tile floor in the bathroom was covered with a thin coat of water. I sighed, drying up the floor before lifting their bodies, like slippery noodles, out of the tub. Madi and I used to be the same way, fighting constantly but loving every minute of it. My heart ached as I thought about my sister – where in the hell was she?

My anger and frustration were becoming something else – concern. Why would Madi leave without telling me? Did she go talk to John, did they get into a fight?

Again, I realized that I barely knew him. Hell, I barely know her anymore. We’d been close when we were kids, but whatever sort of bond we’d once had had come untethered over the years. When your relationship consists mostly of monthly texts and Facebook updates, it loses its fortitude.