Cathy Glass - A Long Way from Home

When the hour was up, Ian and Elaine felt they could have stayed a little longer, but mindful of what Dr Ciobanu had said about keeping to the hour, they began to pack away. Anastasia wanted to keep the activity centre, which was fine. They went to find a care worker to say they were going. ‘This toy is for Anastasia,’ Elaine said, pointing to the activity centre. The care worker nodded as though she understood. ‘Do you know where her doll and crayons are?’ Elaine asked. The care worker frowned, puzzled, either not knowing or not understanding. ‘Doll?’ Elaine said, and mimed a small baby in her arms. The care worker shook her head. ‘Crayons?’ Elaine said, moving her hand as though drawing. The care worker shrugged. Anastasia babbled something in her own language and the care worker shrugged and shook her head.

‘Don’t worry,’ Ian said to Elaine. ‘If they don’t turn up we’ll ask Dr Ciobanu where they are when we see him.’ It wasn’t that the toys had been expensive – they hadn’t been – but they’d been the first gifts they’d given to Anastasia and for this reason the doll especially would have sentimental value in years to come.

As they began to say goodbye, to their delight, instead of sending Anastasia away while the care worker saw them out, she was allowed to go with them to the gate. Elaine offered Anastasia her hand to hold as they walked but she refused, which was hardly surprising, as she barely knew them. They said goodbye to her at the gate and then waved as Anastasia watched them get into the cab. The care worker locked the gate.

‘Nice-looking kid,’ Danny said, and they both agreed.

That evening Ian and Elaine felt confident enough that everything was going as planned to message their family and friends with an update. Elaine’s parents were dead but she had a sister who, while not living close, had been very supportive and was eagerly awaiting news. Ian’s parents lived closer but had expressed reservations about their plans to adopt from abroad; however his brother and his family had wished them well. Ian messaged his parents that everything was fine and not to worry, and sent his brother a few extra details about the orphanage and their time with Anastasia. They also updated the friends they’d made online in the international adoption support group forums.

They slept well, and the next day continued the routine that was likely to see them through to the court hearing when Anastasia would become theirs. In the morning they walked to the local supermarket where they stocked up on bottled water and bought fresh bread, cheese and cooked meats for their lunch, and in the afternoon they took the cab to the orphanage. When they arrived Anastasia was in one of the dresses they’d bought for her and the new sandals. She looked lovely and more like their child now that she was wearing what they had chosen for her. ‘We’ll have to buy her a hairbrush and some bands and I’ll braid her hair,’ Elaine said as they settled in the playroom. Every mother wants to see her child looking smart and their hair neat. Anastasia’s hair was long and unkempt.

There was still no sign of the doll, crayons or colouring book, but Anastasia had the activity centre they’d left with her the day before, so they played with that, plus the new toys in the bag they’d brought with them. These included a toy mobile phone, which sounded a recorded message when the numbers were pressed. The hope was that Anastasia would play with this rather than their phones, but their hope was short-lived. Although she liked pressing the buttons and listening to the recorded messages – Hello, how are you? and similar – it didn’t contain the photographs that Elaine’s and Ian’s phones did. Anastasia was very insistent that she should play with both their phones, and of course, wanting her to be happy, they let her.

Another of the toys they’d brought with them was a basket of play food and they told her the names of the food in English as she picked them up – apple, pear, bun, jar of jam and so on – repeating the words so that Anastasia would eventually start to use them as she began to learn English.

At the end of the hour, Anastasia was allowed to see them to the gate again. Elaine and Ian felt their time with her had been positive and they were starting to build a relationship. They’d noticed that Anastasia didn’t often make eye contact and she wasn’t ready for a hug or kiss yet, but given that they’d only just come into her life, this wasn’t surprising. They’d read all about bonding and it had been covered in the preparation course, and mentioned by other adoptive parents. They were aware it would take time for Anastasia to trust them and allow herself to feel affection.

The next day, when Anastasia was brought to them, she was barefoot and wearing a faded T-shirt and shorts, not one of the outfits they’d bought for her.

‘Where are her clothes?’ Elaine asked the care worker – the same one they’d given the clothes to. She shrugged as though she didn’t know or understand. ‘Or care,’ Ian later said to Elaine.

Ian had their phrase book with him and found the word for clothes. He said it a few times but the care worker shrugged and upturned her hands, suggesting she hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. He showed her the word in the phrase book, wondering if he wasn’t pronouncing it correctly, but she shrugged again. Anastasia was holding the activity centre and she ran off into the playroom, while the care worker disappeared down the corridor into one of the nursery rooms where a child had begun to scream.

‘We’ll ask about the clothes later,’ Ian said to Elaine as they went to the playroom.

Anastasia was sitting on the beanbag expectantly and, while she had the activity centre, there was no sign of the toy phone or puzzle they’d left in the room the day before. Dr Ciobanu had said she’d be the only one using this room for now. They were rotating the toys they brought with them with the idea that Anastasia would have something different to play with each day, but where were they? There was still no sign of the doll, crayons and colouring book either. As Elaine settled beside Anastasia on the beanbag, Ian said he’d go to see if he could find a care worker and ask again about the missing clothes and toys.

He found the one they’d seen earlier in a nursery room dressing a child – presumably the one who’d been screaming – and Ian thought she was rough, although she was clearly rushing, as they were so short-staffed. ‘Sorry to trouble you,’ he said. ‘But Anastasia’s toys are missing as well as her clothes.’

She ignored him and kept her back turned. He took a step in and said, ‘If you tell me where you keep Anastasia’s toys and clothes, I can fetch them, as you are busy.’

‘You go,’ she said rudely, not looking at him. ‘I have to see to the child.’

Not wishing to upset her further, Ian returned to the playroom. At the end of the hour Ian asked the same care worker if Dr Ciobanu was in and she shook her head. ‘When will he be in his office?’ he asked.

She shrugged, but then said, ‘Children lose their things,’ suggesting she had understood and knew why they wanted to see him.

Ian didn’t pursue it with her, but the following day Anastasia was wearing the first dress they’d bought her, although the activity centre was nowhere to be seen. They asked the care worker – the other one – where her toys were but were met with the same dismissive shrug, which said she didn’t know or understand. Dr Ciobanu wasn’t in, and as Elaine played with Anastasia in the playroom Ian went to see if the missing toys were in Anastasia’s cot. They weren’t, and he noticed the mattress cover was grubby, as indeed were most of the covers in the other cots. The room smelled of urine and sweat, and as Ian glanced around at the children he felt guilty for worrying about a few missing toys when there was so much misery around him. On returning to Elaine he said, ‘The sooner we get Anastasia out of here the better.’