Dani Collins - Modern Romance March 2019 5-8

He looked down and found she was looking up at him quizzically. ‘Do you mind?’

Mind?

On one level it was possibly the most erotic thing in the world to know you were a woman’s first lover...maybe modern man was a myth?

He swallowed. It fascinated him that this seemed a bigger thing for him than her. ‘A heads-up might have been an idea. It’s not usual to be a virgin at your age unless you have just come out of a nunnery.’

‘Or you had a Callum in your life.’ She sighed, with an eye roll and a supple feline stretch that sent a fresh slug of lust through his sated body.

She made him greedy.

‘Callum?’

He’d never liked that name.

‘All the girls at my school had a crush on Callum. He was seven years ahead of me, so he left as I arrived at high school. But his dad was our postman and his mum worked in a chemist in Portree. You’ll ken that Skye isn’t such a big place.’

‘I ken.’

‘Are you mocking me?’

He held up his hands in mock horror and promised solemnly, ‘I wouldn’t dare.’ It flickered through his head that sleeping with a virgin wasn’t the only first for him today; he’d never enjoyed, and, yes, he was enjoying, a post-coital conversation quite like this before.

Actually, his experience of post-coital conversations was pretty limited. His lifestyle was not about lingering, more perpetual motion. Lingering for him generally involved checking his emails.

‘Anyway, I had a massive crush on him.’

At this artless confidence Ivo felt some of the pleasure of the moment slip away.

‘We all did. I was in my second year at uni when I bumped into him, and, well, a month later we were engaged.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I know it sounds crazy. And it was. It turns out we expected very different things from marriage.’ Callum wanted kids and she couldn’t give him them.

Ivo caught her hand and nudged the diamond on her finger with his own. ‘We were engaged in one day.’

She pulled her hand away and bent so that he couldn’t see her face as she twisted the diamond around on her finger. ‘That’s not the same. This —’ her clear blue gaze lifted to him ‘—is a...not a real...not real at all,’ she finished awkwardly.

What had just happened felt very real. It felt very right .

‘So, we just had imaginary sex.’

She flashed him a look. ‘You know what I mean.’

He knew more than she realised. Reading between the lines it was pretty obvious that she’d told this Callum guy she couldn’t have kids and he’d said, thanks but, no, thanks!

The bastard, he thought viciously.

‘Well anyhow he...’ She hesitated, after the Callum fiasco she had told herself that in the future she would tell any potential partner upfront that she couldn’t have children. She hadn’t quite worked out the timing yet, should it be on the first date, third, before you’d got to like him?

But she reminded herself before self-pity kicked in that timing was not an issue here. Ivo wasn’t a potential partner, he was her lover. Her marvellous, incredible lover, but this was just sex, at least for him.

She felt a sudden spurt of panic and she didn’t want to go where that acknowledgement was leading.

‘Dumped me.’

Ivo’s jaw began to ache as he watched her produce a smile that invited him to share the joke. Ivo did not feel in a joking mood, he recognised there was no reason for her to confide in him, he was the last person in the world to advocate trust, which begged the question, why? Though for a while there he had been holding his breath willing her to.

‘I suppose it turned me off the whole dating thing, and since then I’ve been too busy to do anything about it.’

‘So why didn’t your mad, passionate love affair involve sex?’

‘Other than the obvious truth I know now, that he just wasn’t that into me? I think Callum is one of those men who think there are two sorts of women: the ones you sleep with and the ones you marry and then cheat on.’

‘Charming guy.’

‘I have terrible taste in men,’ she agreed, snuggling into his side. No longer sweat-slicked, his cooled skin had a satiny texture that fascinated her, as did the movement of fine muscles just below the silky surface. Everything about him fascinated her to a point that she would previously have called obsession.

‘Thank you.’

‘Oh, it’s fine. I’m not looking for a keeper and that was... Actually, you were totally marvellous.’ It wasn’t as if she was telling him something he didn’t already know.

‘You just insulted me and buffed my ego in one sentence. That takes skill.’

‘So do you.’

At the last moment she lost her nerve and lowered her gaze.

‘I am quite happy to pass my skills on.’

Her head lifted. ‘Yes, please.’

IVO FOLLOWED RAMON out of the room. Flora had already vanished into the bedroom to change, ignoring his assurance that the jeans and silk shirt she was wearing were fine for breakfast with his grandfather.

‘So, breakfast? I was under the impression that we were coming to dinner.’

Ramon tipped his head in acknowledgement. ‘Yes, your grandfather informed me of this last night and asked me to arrange matters, but—’

‘But...?’ Ivo prompted.

‘This morning he... He had forgotten.’

‘Does this happen often?’

‘More than it did,’ said the other man, unhappily.

‘What else have you noticed?’ Ivo gave a brooding frown. He would respect his grandfather’s wishes but it was inevitable that people would start noticing.

‘Well, some mood swings—he can be quite...irritable.’

‘Not exactly unusual.’

‘Indeed, but, well, he can get ideas. Take against people.’

‘Such as?’

‘This is different. It is...’

‘Go on, say it.’

‘I am not a medical man, but it’s more like paranoia . There was a new staff member, young, really very promising, and your grandfather decided that he had stolen his watch. He became quite abusive and accused the lad of being part of a conspiracy. The watch was in his dressing room where he always keeps it.’

‘You smoothed things over?’

Ramon nodded.

Ivo, his expression sombre, heaved a sigh. ‘I’m grateful and I’m sorry. This is not your job. I’ll speak to the doctors, ask about extra staff. More qualified staff.’

A look of visible relief passed across the other man’s face. ‘That seems like an excellent idea, sir—and, sir, I suggested breakfast because that’s a good time for him usually.’’

Madre di Dio , things really were that bad, and they would only get worse.

His grandfather would suffer, but for how long the doctors had been frustratingly vague.

And he could do nothing.

Except keep his grandfather’s secret.

Ramon cleared his throat delicately and nodded past Ivo, looking at the half-closed door. ‘May I ask, does Ms Henderson...?’

‘No, not yet.’

Would it be the right thing to do in this situation?

The question in his head wasn’t what was the right thing to do. Or even was there a right thing...he left moral philosophy for the better qualified.

If she knew the truth, what would her reaction be?

One thing was for certain: it wouldn’t be a selfish one. If he’d learnt anything about the woman who had shown more passion in his bed than any other lover he’d had, it was that she was a born giver. She had to have arrived in the world with a note saying ‘use me’ in her chubby little hand.

And he had and furthermore he had enjoyed it. She was right, she did have terrible taste in men but he wasn’t about to kick her out of his bed.