Maureen Child - Little Secrets

She might be right, Rita acknowledged. But if she didn’t find out for sure, the what-if would haunt her forever. “But what if that reason can be dealt with? Fought?”

“Oh, God,” Gina murmured, shaking her head. “You’re trying to save him, aren’t you?”

Was she? Oh, Rita didn’t like the sound of that. How many times had she seen friends fall for a guy with “issues” and then try to fix him? Get him to change. Help him deal with his demons? Is that what she was doing?

No, she argued with herself silently. This was different. Jack was different. Something specific had happened to him and whatever it was had affected him deeply. Even if it was because of what they’d once had, or the fact that they’d created a child together... Didn’t Rita owe it to him to at least make the attempt to help him?

“Is that so wrong?” She looked at her sister, really curious to hear what she had to say.

“No, I guess not,” Gina said, resignation clear in her tone. “If it’s something you feel like you have to do, there’s no stopping you anyway. Just make sure you don’t lose yourself in the effort.”

“I won’t,” Rita said and knew that keeping her promise wasn’t going to be easy. Because in spite of everything that had happened between them, Jack was the one man in the world who could still cause her pain.

“Uh-oh,” Gina said suddenly, “I’ve gotta go save Jimmy. Mom’s just dropped Kira into his lap, so he’s got all four kids and is seriously outnumbered.”

Rita smiled on cue, but she wasn’t thinking about her brother-in-law. Her thoughts were with Jack, standing apart and alone at his own wedding. Backlit by the light flooding in through the wall of windows he stood in front of, he looked so solitary, it broke her heart.

He’d done all he could to make this faux marriage beautiful for her. From the ceremony itself to this family reception. The Queen Mary was a beautiful old ship and this private dining room in its five-star restaurant was old-world elegant. Windows lined both sides of the ship and she imagined that when the old ocean liner was still sailing, the views were incredible.

Where Jack stood, there was a sweeping vista of the sea and other boats bobbing on the surface. The sun had finally broken through the clouds and slanted off the water like gold dust. But Jack was silhouetted, defining his aloneness, and that tore at Rita.

“We’re staying in town for a few days,” Gina was saying. “As long as we’re here, figured we’d take the kids to Disneyland.”

Rita glanced at her. “They’ll love it.”

“Yep,” Gina mused. “Hope Jimmy and I survive it.” She grabbed Rita’s hand and squeezed. “If you need me for anything, call me. I’ll be there.”

“I know,” she said, returning that squeeze briefly. “Thanks, Gina. I’m gonna be fine.”

As Gina moved away, Rita heard her own words echo in her mind and she hoped she was right. Because at the moment, her heart was aching for the man who’d cut himself off. He’d gone to so much trouble for her, but he wasn’t being a part of this at all. Even in the heart of his family, he was determinedly alone. That didn’t equate with everything he’d told her about his family when they met. Back then, he’d laughed at the stories of fishing trips with his father and brother, of his sister being outwitted by her five-year-old daughter, of how devastated their family had been when they’d lost Jack’s mother.

Now, though, it was as if his family wasn’t even in the same room with him. She’d seen his father, brother and sister try to connect with him and eventually give up. She’d watched Jack keep to the sidelines as if punishing himself, somehow. Rita didn’t have the first clue how to go about reaching him, but she knew she had to try. Because if there was even a tiny chance she could find her Jack, it would be worth the effort.

Smiling and nodding to her family as she passed, Rita walked to Jack. He was staring out at the ocean and Rita came up right beside him.

He didn’t look at her, but he must have sensed her presence. “Everything all right?”

“It’s fine,” she said, staring up at his profile, waiting for some flicker of—she didn’t even know what. “Are you okay?” she asked.

He turned his head then and looked down at her. She felt that stare sizzle in her blood. One look from him and she burned.

“Yeah,” he said finally, quietly. “I’m just not good in a crowd of people.”

His words, so simply stated, tugged at her heart as she realized just how important this marriage must have been to him. He’d dropped himself into a situation that would make him uncomfortable because this meant something to him. He’d stood up against what plagued him to make sure she had what she needed at the wedding. He’d brought her family in, and seen to it that everything was beautiful for her in spite of his own misgivings. Just another sign to Rita that her Jack was in there somewhere. That only strengthened her resolve to discover what had happened to change the man she’d once thought was her one and only.

But today, she only wanted to be here. With him. To let him know he wasn’t alone, even if that’s what he believed he wanted. Going on instinct, she slid her hand into his and was rewarded when his fingers curled around hers and held tight.

* * *

Jack lay wide awake in bed, alone on his wedding night.

Rita was down the hall in the penthouse guestroom and he couldn’t tear his mind away from the image of her. His whole body ached for her, just as it had from the first moment he’d met her.

No other woman had ever affected him as she had. While he was overseas, he’d worked on convincing himself that what he’d felt with her was nothing special. He’d had to, just to survive. Clinging to the real world and the memories of a woman with a warm heart, soft body and wild, raw laugh had only made his reality that much harder to endure.

Then, when everything went to hell one afternoon, Jack had sliced every emotion out of his life because it was imperative to survival. He hadn’t written to her because he couldn’t lie to her about what was going on and he couldn’t have told her the truth. He didn’t look for her when he came back because he was in no shape to be around anyone. And because by then, he knew he could never again be the man she had once known.

“But Fate’s a nasty bitch,” he muttered into the darkness. His own voice seemed to echo, low and harsh in the empty room.

The gods of irony had conspired against him. He’d put so much effort into avoiding her that the gods laughed and threw her in his path, making it impossible to ignore her. And now they were married.

Shaking his head, he draped one arm across his eyes to dim the moonlight spearing into his bedroom. He had the terrace doors open, because he couldn’t stand to be closed in. He needed that swirl of air, even when it was cold. Needed to smell the sea, remind himself that he was here. Home. And not in that hot, desperate situation that had nearly driven him over the edge.

His room was big, with a black-and-white-tiled gas hearth on one wall, bookcases and a television on the other walls. There were chairs, tables and a bed that was so big it felt even emptier than it actually was.

“My choice,” he reminded himself and gritted his teeth against the roiling heat and tension coiled inside him.

It would be so easy to go down the hall, walk into her room and relive a few memories. Make some new ones. No guarantee she’d let him in, but then he remembered how she’d held his hand at the reception. As if she’d known, somehow sensed, that he’d needed that touch to ground himself in the moment.

She was good like that, he thought. Always had been. They’d connected so deeply in one week that it had been almost like they could read each other’s minds. He hoped to hell she couldn’t pick up on his thoughts now, but back then, it was different.