Susan Carlisle - Hot Docs On Call - His Christmas Wish

McKenzie frowned, hating that the incident had happened for many reasons. “It’s not the fault of Celebrate Graduation that the man choked. Surely people understand that.”

“You’d think so,” he agreed, as they exited the building and headed toward the parking lot. “That man was Coopersville’s mayor, you know.”

“The mayor?” No, she hadn’t known. Not that it would have mattered. She’d done what had needed to be done and would have done exactly the same regardless of who the person had been. A life had been on the line.

“Yep, Leo Jones.”

“Is he one of your patients?” she asked, despite knowing he shouldn’t answer. He knew exactly why she was asking. Did she need to worry about the man’s health history? Did Lance know anything that would set her mind at ease?

“You know I wouldn’t tell you even if he was.”

Yes, she knew.

“But I can honestly say I know nothing about any mayor’s health history.” He opened the passenger door to his low-slung sports car that any other time McKenzie would have whistled in appreciation of. Right now her brain was distracted by too many possibilities of the consequences of her actions and that soon a needle would be puncturing her skin.

Was it her imagination or had she just broken a sweat despite the mid-December temperatures?

“Thank you,” she whispered back, knowing her question had put him in an awkward position and that he’d answered as best he could. “I guess I won’t know anything for a few days.”

“Probably not.” He stood at the car door for a few seconds. A guilty look on his face, he raked his fingers through his hair. “I should have cut the airway, rather than let you do it.”

She frowned at him. “Why?”

“Because then you wouldn’t be worrying about any of this.”

She shrugged. “It was my choice to make.”

“I shouldn’t have let you.”

“You think you could have stopped me from saving his life?”

His grip tightening on the car door, he shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant and I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not some froufrou girl who needs pampering. I knew the risks and I took them.” She stared straight into his eyes, making sure he didn’t misunderstand. “If there are consequences, I’ll face them. I did the right thing.”

“Agreed, except I should have been the one who took the risks.”

“Because you’re a guy?”

He seemed to consider her question a moment, then shook his head. “No, because you’re you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

His answer rang with so much sincerity that, heart pounding, she found herself staring up at him. “You’d rather it happen to you?”

“Absolutely.”

LANCE DROVE TO the hospital in silence. Just as well. McKenzie didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk.

Was she thinking about what he’d said? Or the events of the evening? Of the risks she’d taken?

When he’d realized Leo Jones had been choking, he’d rushed to the man and performed the Heimlich maneuver. Too bad he hadn’t been successful. Then McKenzie wouldn’t have any worries about blood exposure.

Why hadn’t he insisted on performing the procedure to open Leo’s airway? He should have. He’d offered, but precious time had been wasting that could have meant the difference between life and death, between permanent brain damage and no complications.

He’d let her do what she’d competently done with quick and efficient movements. She’d saved the man’s life. But Lance would much rather it was him being the one worrying about what he’d been exposed to.

Why? Was she right? Was it because she was female and he was male and that automatically made him feel protective?

Most likely he’d feel he should have been the one to take the risks regardless of whether McKenzie had been male or female. But the fact she was female did raise the guilt factor, with the past coming back to haunt him that he’d failed to protect another woman once upon a time when he should have.

Plus, he’d been the one to invite McKenzie to the show. If he hadn’t done so she wouldn’t have been at the community center, wouldn’t have been there to perform the cricothyroidotomy, wouldn’t have possibly been exposed to something life threatening.

Because of him, she’d taken risks she shouldn’t have had to take. Guilt gutted him.

If he could go back in time, he’d undo that particular invitation. If he could go back in time, he’d undo a lot of things.

Truthfully, he hadn’t expected McKenzie to accept his invitation to watch his show. She’d shot down all his previous ones with polite but absolute refusals.

He glanced at where she stared out the window from the passenger seat. Why had she semiaccepted tonight?

Perhaps the thought of seeing him onstage had been irresistible. He doubted it. She’d only agreed to go and watch and so had technically not been there as his date.

Regardless, he’d been ecstatic she’d said she’d be there. Why it mattered so much, he wasn’t sure. Just that knowing McKenzie had been attending the show had really upped the ante.

Not knowing if she’d let him or not, he reached out, took her hand, and gave a squeeze meant to reassure.

She didn’t pull away, just glanced toward him in question.

“It’s going to be okay.” He hoped he told the truth.

“I know. It’s not that.”

“Then what?”

She shook her head.

“Seriously, you can tell me. I’ll understand. I’ve had blood exposure before. I know it’s scary stuff until you’re given the all-clear.”

She didn’t look at him, just stared back out the window. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

She glanced toward him again. “With you?”

He made a pretense of looking around the car. “It would seem I’m your only option at the moment.”

“I’d rather not talk at all.

“Ouch.”

“Sorry.” She gave a nervous sigh. “I’m not trying to be rude. I just…”

“You just…?” he prompted at her pause.

“Don’t like needles.” Her words were so low, so torn from her that he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly.

Her answer struck him as a little odd considering she was a highly skilled physician who’d just expertly performed a procedure to open a choking man’s airway.

When he didn’t immediately respond, she jerked her hand free from his, almost as if she’d been unaware until that moment that he even held her hand.

“Don’t judge me.”

How upset she was seemed out of character with everything he knew about her. She was always calm, cool, collected. Even in the face of an emergency she didn’t lose her cool. Yet she wasn’t calm, cool or collected at the moment. “Who’s judging? I didn’t say a word.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Maybe I’m not the one judging?”

She didn’t answer.

“If you took my moment of silence in the wrong way, I’m sorry. I was just processing that you didn’t like needles and that it seemed a little odd considering your profession.”

“I know.”

“Yet you’re ultrasensitive about it.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of.”

Ah, he was starting to catch on. McKenzie didn’t like to have a weakness, to be vulnerable in regard to anything. That he understood all too well and had erected some major protective barriers years ago to keep himself sane. Then again, he deserved every moment of guilt he experienced and then some.

“Lots of people have a fear of needles,” he assured her. They saw it almost daily at the clinic.

“I passed out the last time I had blood drawn.” Her voice was condemning of herself.