Amanda Brooke - The Widows’ Club

Tara looked over the rim of her coffee cup. ‘Enough of the sob story. Tell her about the compensation.’

Faith’s expression was sheepish. ‘OK, so maybe my financial circumstances weren’t as dire as I’m making out. Derek’s accident was caused by a mechanical failure that was supposed to have been fixed. He’d taken his car back to the dealership several times, but my guess is they simply reset the warning light and charged us a small fortune for the privilege. I agreed an out-of-court settlement, but I’m starting to regret it. I could have taken them to the cleaners if I’d been in a better frame of mind, but I’d just lost my husband. Derek’s death was needless, that’s what hurts me most.’

‘That’s awful,’ said April. ‘And what a thing to go through while you were in mourning, although I can understand why you settled. It feels wrong moaning about the money side of things. It shouldn’t be important, should it?’

‘But it’s a reality we can’t ignore,’ Tara replied. ‘Life would be so much simpler if we could deal with the emotional and practical elements of grief separately, but when the worst happens, everything hits you at once. So yes, April, you are allowed to complain about the financial mess you’ve been landed with, to us and the group. And don’t feel guilty about being angry with Jason once in a while.’

April’s laugh was hollow as she pulled the slice of opera cake towards her. She teased a corner of the cake onto her fork and didn’t look up when she said, ‘I’ve been angry with him so much lately.’

Tara’s eyes narrowed. Her instinct had been right – there was more to her story than April had been able to share so far.

‘Do you want to talk about it? Was there something you needed to say at the group meeting but couldn’t?’

Above their heads, there was the roar of an aeroplane climbing to the skies and April finally lifted her gaze.

‘In the months before Jason died … he’d changed. He had been a constant in my life, and suddenly he wasn’t – it was like he was somewhere else, or maybe he just wanted to be. There were times when he wouldn’t look at me and other times when he couldn’t do enough.’

‘But you said at the meeting you thought his change in behaviour could have been linked to his brain haemorrhage,’ Tara said.

April shook her head. ‘It’s what I’ve tried to tell myself, but according to the doctors it would be unlikely. I think Jason was up to something.’

Faith was blunter, as always. ‘Was he having an affair?’

‘It crossed my mind at the time, but not enough for me to accuse him. There was nothing specific, and then shortly before he died everything seemed to right itself. Stupidly, I thought I’d got my old Jason back,’ April said, blinking away tears. ‘And I’m glad I didn’t say anything. He would have died believing I didn’t trust him.’

‘And if he was having an affair, chances are he would have denied it anyway,’ Faith replied.

‘Exactly, but now that he’s not around to challenge, my nagging doubt has become a full-blown obsession. Am I being paranoid? Is this some cruel side effect of grief?’ April asked. She continued to look at Faith: she would pull no punches.

‘We’re blessed with natural instincts for a reason,’ Faith said. ‘Only people with something to hide, or something to hide from, dismiss it as paranoia. Have you checked his messages? His emails?’

‘Yes, and I hated doing it, but I hated myself more when I couldn’t find anything more incriminating than Snapchat on his phone.’

‘Sorry for being a techno-phobe, but why would that mean anything?’ asked Tara.

‘Messages are time-limited. You don’t have to go to the trouble of deleting them and you don’t run the risk of leaving an audit trail behind if something unexpected happens to you,’ April said, mashing her cake with the fork. ‘As far as I was aware, Jason never used it, so why was it on his phone?’

‘And that’s one of the questions you’ve been left with that Jason can’t answer,’ Tara said, recalling April’s lament to the group.

‘It hasn’t stopped me looking,’ April said. ‘I was finally given online access to his bank accounts last month and I’ve been going through his statements line by line. I’m not sure, but I might have found what I was looking for. There were some biggish cash withdrawals before and after Christmas, and I know for a fact Jason hated using cash. I can only presume it was to avoid any record of his purchases.’

Faith leant over the table and took the fork and plate from April before she pebble-dashed them with ganache. ‘Was it enough to buy a hotel room?’

April shrugged, misery etched on her face.

‘I’m sure there are lots of other explanations,’ Tara suggested. She wondered if Jason might have been into drugs, although this theory was only marginally better than the possibility of an affair.

‘Do you have any idea who he might have been seeing?’ asked Faith, having already reached a judgement.

April didn’t answer immediately. ‘Not really, but what Steve said in the group about friends getting involved with other friends’ partners struck a chord. I look at my girlfriends and wonder if one of them is grieving more for Jason than she should. I’m tempted to come right out and ask each and every one of them, but I’m not sure that’s a particular rabbit hole I want to go down.’

‘I’d say that’s a good call,’ Tara said, taking April’s hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘You don’t need to come up with all the answers straight away. Take it one day at a time.’

April glanced down at Tara’s fingers. ‘Is that your wedding ring?’

‘Yes,’ she replied, lifting her right hand to examine the gold band. ‘I swapped it over when I was ready to accept that my future was no longer as Mike’s wife.’

‘Same here,’ Faith said, wriggling the third finger of her right hand.

‘Did you find someone else too?’ April asked.

‘No chance. Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of love, and I’m over the moon for Tara and Iain, but it’s not for me, not any more. I prefer being in control of my own fate.’

‘I wish I could say the same.’

‘Oh, April,’ said Tara gently. ‘It’s early days and you have a lot to process.’

‘I know, and I can’t tell you how good it feels to talk about this at last.’ April paused and chewed her lip. ‘Will the rest of the group understand? Has anyone else gone through something similar?’

‘None of us had perfect marriages,’ Tara replied. ‘As much as I loved Mike, I spent a lot of time resenting him for stealing my dreams. I had every intention of moving to Paris until I found out I was pregnant. I’m not saying I didn’t love the life we made together, but there’s a reason I’ve created a little corner of Paris in Hale Village.’

Tara wasn’t sure if April noticed she had evaded the question, but Faith did.

‘And you don’t have to raise this in the group if you don’t want to. It’s none of their business, and besides …’ Faith reached over to squeeze April’s hand as Tara had done. ‘You have us.’

Tara couldn’t hold back her smile. She knew Faith would like April. ‘And it’s not as if the main group are ever short of things to talk about, so you’ll still have lots in common with them. You’re not alone, April. Not any more.’

RESPONSES

Petersj@Petersjhome

Replying to @thewidowsclub

I hope the police are investigating this so-called support group of yours. These were vulnerable people you were dealing with. The situation should never have been allowed to get out of hand.

Jodie@iamJPriestly

Replying to @Petersjhome @thewidowsclub